i did it because i'm scared of you. i tried expressing myself and you dismissed every single thing i felt. i tried explaining but you didn't try to listen. please just leave me be. i hope you both have good lives, you deserve to heal. i just can't be friends with someone i'm afraid of.

i didn't realize i would need to add anything to this, but here i am. you cannot make me feel weird for you stalking my nsfw blog that hasnt been used since last year. you called me a predator, but you're the one who unconsensually found & went through my most private sexual thoughts, then harrassed me about them. if that's not sexual harassment i don't know what is. i've actually been diddled so i'm not going to make it a big deal and tell everyone you stalked and sexually harassed me, but that is something you need to sit with. stop projecting.

your inability to understand the distinction between fiction vs reality is not a moral failing on my part. your inability to understand the distinction between fantasy roleplay involving exclusively safe, sane, consenting human adults vs genuine predatory behavior is not a moral failing on my part, and is honestly concerning. you should be able to tell the difference between a consenting human adult intentionally reenacting their trauma with other consenting human adults as a means to regain a sense of control, and a predator actively seeking to engage with those who are incapable of consent. these are cognitive and intellectual failings on your part.

bringing my murdered mom into it is not a moral failing on my part. bringing my fathers addiction into it is not a moral failing on my part. bringing up the way i choose to cope (by myself in my own head & with other safe, sane, consenting human adults) and using it against me is not a moral failing on my part. bringing up something that happened while i was blacked out and experiencing substance-induced psychosis is not a moral failing on my part (especially when everyone who was actually involved in that situation was just WORRIED about me. they didn't imply or insinuate that i intentionally disrespected boundaries/consent. they literally worried that they had hurt ME because once i had reached that point i was entirely incapacitated and incapable of consent). these are all moral failings on your part, and serve as great examples of why i am scared of you.

once you decide a person is no longer of use to you, you become the worst version of yourself. you go out of your way to harrass them. you've even made up reasons inside of your head to make them out to be predators. somebody simply asking if sex is a possibility is not pressuring you. they acted dejected because you looked at them like they were disgusting for even insinuating such a thing, not because they were trying to guilt trip you into agreeing. they're not a predator. somebody posting fantasy between adults in their own private space is also not predatory. maybe it was cool to harrass people who only want to be left alone when we were younger, but you are a grown man and now it's scary. that is a scary pattern of behavior that i have seen you enact time and time again without any intention of growing out of. your behavior actually puts people at risk in real life, unlike the make believe fantasies i posted about in my own private nsfw space where i got to curate who was allowed and not allowed to interact with me.

you only said what you said because you wanted to hurt me. i'm saying what i've said because i am tired of being hurt by you. there is a huge difference between the two. if you had any valid points against me to bring up, you could have used them. but you didn't. because you don't. i have done nothing to you other than distance myself. i'm sorry if that hurt you, but i need to protect myself. i have not tried turning anyone against you. your behavior speaks for itself.

for nt: i do not hold any of this against you, i am just afraid of cc. he can say whatever he wants to about my fear, that does not negate what i feel. this is not your fault. i am sorry i had to do what i did, but please know i don't hold any ill-will or ill-intent against you. i am just doing what i need to do for my own peace of mind & safety. if you ever need support i will not turn you away. if you need to contact me from an alternative account i will not block you. i do wish the best for both of you, but the kind of anger that cc inherently carries himself with is not something i need even tangential relation to. i genuinely hope both of you can heal & grow together with the support of one another. the only parts of you i fear are the fact that cc would have had no way of finding my nsfw blog without your help + the fact that you rewarded me for giving into the convo with cc where i was trying to explain my reasoning for stepping away from our friendship, but he tried convincing me to drop it. i promise i don't see you two as one entity or a monolith, i know you have your own autonomy and agency. i am just afraid of any proximity to cc. i hope you can understand where i am coming from. sometimes a fresh start is essential to growth, and that's exactly what i needed. i could never hate you, but i've come to a point in my life where i need to do better job of taking care of myself & limiting what energy i exhert on painful relationships.

you found us. you came while we were sleeping. you talked with warm familiarity and i threw up at your feet. you asked me what was wrong, sincere, and i couldn't answer. i wish it was easier to hate you. i wish you were a bad person, but instead i just think that i am for wanting that.

we drove you away, haltingly. i told you that i needed more time as if i hadn't already decided what you were to me. i wish you knew what you did, but i don't want to tell you. it would be easier if you were something i had nightmares about instead of ugly complicated dreams. i want to flatten you into a villain, but i think that would only turn me into one. please leave me alone. i'm happy now. i'm happy here. please don't look for me. i promise i'm okay. please go.

Edit

Pub: 30 Mar 2023 06:46 UTC

Edit: 14 Feb 2026 10:48 UTC

Views: 1722