84) Chapter 14. No, That’s Not It? (5)
I’m not sure whether I should say I touched it or not.
Strictly speaking, the actual thing didn’t make contact, right?
No—well, there was physical feedback, so maybe I should say it did. To say it “didn’t touch,” there should have been absolutely no effect on Soi’s body.
Above all, I did feel something in my hand.
……No.
No, seriously, now that I think about it?
Isn’t this weird?
Ever since coming to the dorms, I sleep every night with Soi and Chae‑yi on either side of me. It’s not like I asked for it—they just climb into my bed on their own and fall asleep there. And I… well, I can’t bring myself to refuse.
……And honestly, I don’t really want to refuse.
I’m not good at being the one held by someone else. I don’t know why I only feel resistance toward the idea of “being held,” but my brain seems to draw a very clear line between “being squeezed because there are a lot of people” and “being in someone’s arms.”
So that time squeezed between them—where I feel oddly snug, almost like being held—has become something that puts me at ease.
And when we’re all squeezed together, of course our bodies touch here and there. None of us wear anything too revealing to sleep, but still—wearing too many layers to bed is uncomfortable.
So we end up touching. Naturally, my body touches Soi and Chae‑yi too.
When I wake up in the morning, even if they’re not hugging me, they’re sometimes lying on top of me or burying their faces in my chest.
“……No.”
No, thinking about it now, it’s kind of unfair.
I’m always extremely careful about touching their bodies.
Because, well… you know?
Even if I was reborn as a girl, I still have my conscience. My mind carried over from my previous life, so even if my way of thinking has gradually become similar to that of a girl my age, crossing that line still feels very wrong.
But those two touch me without hesitation.
Since I’m scared of being held in someone’s arms, they choose other ways to make contact instead.
Even aside from sleeping together—Soi has been sitting on my lap since middle school, grabbing my hands and making me hold her like a seatbelt.
Chae‑yi buries her face in my chest like it’s nothing. Sometimes she even makes weirdly wet noises on purpose.
They did it so much that people around us misunderstood.
Not that I hate it. I don’t hate it, but……
Given that I’m the one who accidentally touched her, I know I’m not in a position to say this, but… is it really something to blush over and go completely silent about?
“…….”
As always, after class the five of us gathered together.
Well, technically, Soi, Chae‑yi, and I always stick together, and lately Hyeonji—who shares our dorm room—has been joining us too, so the four of us are basically a set. And then there’s Nam Jinwoo, who always hovers awkwardly nearby.
Normally, even if Jinwoo can’t blend in well, it’s not a big problem.
Soi and Chae‑yi always chatter about something, clinging to me—looping their arms through mine, fiddling with my hands, resting their chins on my shoulder—while provoking Hyeonji, who sighs heavily at the sight of us. Then Jinwoo looks at me like she can’t believe what she’s seeing…
Somehow, by sacrificing myself, the atmosphere becomes just barely mixed enough that it’s not awkward. So it’s not all bad.
But right now, none of that is happening.
“…….”
We entered the cafeteria, ordered through the little tablet kiosk on the table, and waited.
The whole time, Soi kept her head down, face bright red.
Inside my chest, a sticky mix of emotions churned.
The strongest one, of course, was guilt.
And that guilt came from so many tangled reasons that I couldn’t even summarize it neatly.
Either way, Soi feeling embarrassed is my fault. Though, yes, there is a bit of “Now? Really, now?” mixed in there.
“…….”
The problem is that Chae‑yi is also silent, wearing an incredibly complicated expression.
Her eyes kept shifting between Soi—who had her head down—and Hyeonji, who sat across from us.
Among the five of us, the only one who hasn’t sparred with me is Chae‑yi. Instructor Justina said Chae‑yi’s ability would be a terrible matchup against mine and forbade our sparring.
She made me face off against something extremely cold and something extremely hot, yet she prevented ‘cutting’.
What do our abilities look like to her eyes that makes her so certain?
Or did she hear something else? Maybe the Association researched the Witch's abilities and passed along the findings.
“…….”
Hyeonji was also silent.
But unlike the others, her expression wasn’t dark—she looked thoughtful, with the faintest hint of a smile tugging at her lips.
Hmm. Or maybe I’m imagining it? Maybe I’m just seeing that expression because she smiled like that earlier today.
Well, smile or not, she is staring at me.
And after today’s fight, I think she’s reevaluating me a little.
That reevaluation has probably been happening gradually as we’ve lived together. The way she treated me at first and the way she treats me now are completely different.
She used to be a bit cold, helping me but never getting too close. Now she sometimes starts conversations with me.
She still looks at me with a slightly exasperated expression when I’m stuck between Soi and Chae‑yi, but it’s not hostile. More like the face you make when your friend is being dumb. A bit of affection mixed in, not contempt.
Ah, right. Something like a “What am I going to do with you” expression.
“…….”
And with the four of us sitting in silence, of course Nam Jinwoo—who always feels like she’s intruding—is on the verge of death.
She’s pale, panicking internally: Are they about to fight? Should I say something? But can I even say something? They already seem like they don’t like me—
I can practically see the thoughts swirling in her head.
Hmm.
If someone is going to break the tension, it’ll probably have to be me.
It sounds self-important, but somehow I’ve ended up being the center of this group.
“Ehem.”
I tried to say something, but since I didn’t know what to say, I just cleared my throat.
All their eyes turned to me at once.
One bright red face.
One expressionless face.
One normal face.
One face looking at me like I’m her savior.
“…….”
Uh.
Well.
This is… a bit much.
They’re all people I’m close enough with to talk casually, but…
Being stared at all at once like this is…
My face feels hot.
“Um… so.”
I glanced around, swallowed hard, and said,
“Do you guys… want to go somewhere this weekend? Like, you know… hang out?”
That’s what came out.
I actually wanted to talk about the situation we’re in right now, but I couldn’t bring myself to say it.
At first, no one reacted. Like their brains needed a moment to process what they heard.
“Hang out?”
Thankfully, Soi reacted first.
Her face was still red, but she brightened immediately.
Seeing that expression finally let me breathe.
So she doesn’t hate me. She’s not hurt. She’s thinking about going out with me, so…
It’s not like she’s dismissing it as “just an accident,” either.
“Yeah. Somewhere. Nearby.”
Going far would be too much, but anywhere in Seoul or the surrounding area is fine.
We’re all minors, so we can’t stay out overnight, but going out early and coming back by evening is doable.
“Um… like an amusement park?”
With my limited imagination, that’s the only place I can think of where a group of girls would go to have fun.
Suggesting karaoke is…
Well, the only songs I know are anime and game songs.
If it were just Soi and Chae‑yi, that’d be fine—we’ve gone before, and they know those songs too.
But singing in front of Hyeonji and Jinwoo? No way. I’ve never even sung in front of Mirae or Ji-hye.
And even if I were the type to sing normal pop songs, something in my instincts screams that taking Hyeonji and Jinwoo to karaoke would be a bad idea.
A café is something we can go to anytime.
So the only place that feels like “we went out to have fun” and that everyone would probably enjoy is an amusement park.
“Amusement park.”
This time, Chae‑yi reacted.
Her previously blank face lit up.
Hmm.
That’s… honestly a little scary.
But it’s still agreement.
I looked between Hyeonji and Jinwoo.
Hyeonji looked deep in thought, while Jinwoo—
What is with this girl.
Her face kept turning pale, then red, then pale again. What kind of expression is that supposed to be?
I wish she’d pick one—either be happy or terrified.