Milotic Story - 20,000 Shitposts Under the Sea

be me friday night
nice weather so take grandad's boat out to the bay
nightfishing.croaker
leave marina behind
sun hanging lazily over the blue horizon
finger test says 45 minutes to sundown
drive out to my favorite spot, make it with 15 minutes of daylight to spare
bait hook with squid
recall grandad taking raw squid from bag once and fucking shlorping that shit
shrug, decide to try it
worst decision of my life, fucking hork it over the edge of the boat
thats what i get for being the crazy uncle's grandkid
set rod in holder and go down into cabin
leather seated interior, incandescent lighting makes everything yellow
tiny crt tv playing abbott and castello in black and white
wash mouth out with vodka from cooler
ptew.cuttlefish
raid pantry for cheezits instead and head back out
back on deck, grab rod and finish prep
100lb braided line
bay is 20ft deep on average so maybe overkill but sharks be sharkin
sun barely visible over horizon
try to do the cool spincast like asian guys on tiktok
speeeeeen.ray
going. going. going
ding
fuck yes
spend about two hours in pitch fucking darkness eating cheezits and sitting in a silly chair wearing gramps' old bomber jacket for warmth
cozy.grouper
i can see the city lights in the distance
breathe in salty air
exhale cheezit breath
life is good
slowly start reeling in line to go for another cast
gonna try toward shore
no clue what im doing still fun
suddenly something yanks the ever living shit out of my rod
nearly dislocates my shoulder with spastic retard fish strength
gonna feel that later
fucker made me drop my cheezits
probably a fucking bluegill
whatever, start fighting
fifteen minutes later still getting my ass kicked

been pulled against the edge of the boat repeatedly
i can hear my line stretching
this bluegill must be on some crazy steroids
fight back harder, boat is starting to rock now
get splashed with bay water
eyes burning but doesnt matter cant see shit anyway
i will avenge my cheezits
stupid giant ass roidrage bluegill
five minutes later and i think im winning
im reeling it in somehow, i can see huge fucking splashes maybe ten yards away
thing has to be bigger than me
but its no shark or dolphin or whatever
tail's completely wrong
horizontal fluke like dolphin
but round and fat, tail is bright neon blue in spotlights
what the fuck
whatever, keep fighting
i can feel my arms going numb
repeated slams against boat's edge starting to get to me
hands starting to hurt
rod is bent like a damn candycane
nothing in the bay should be this fucking strong
wracking brain for possible answers
maybe a great hammerhead on a scenic stroll?
no, tail's wrong
goliath grouper?
no, too far north, right?
channel cats can't fight like this

jeremy wade what do I do???
fucker comes up and splashes me
knocks me flat on my ass, nearly let go
line starts running
no fucking way i'm winning this
grab a knife from my pocket to sever the line
snaps before i get the chance
sounded like a fucking gunshot
rod comes back and smacks me in the face like a damn mace
puts me on my ass for real this time
drop rod, it clatters on deck
holding face, face is wet with blood and saltwater
fucking bluegill
lay on deck for a while, still wracking my brain for answers
something slaps the fuck out of my boat
yeah yeah whatever do your victory lap
grab my soggy cheeezit box and head back to cabin
check bathroom mirror
face bloody like nobody's business
thats gonna leave a mark
clean myself up and wrap my wound
what the fuck was that?
time to consult google
open chromebook, connect hotspot
fishingforum.eels
recent thread about some weird ass fish in the bay
fights like hell, weird fins, took five men to bring in
i was waaaaay out of my depth
picture attached
is that a fucking pokemon???
blue and fat with yellow whiskers like a catfish
thats a damn whishcash
5 guys holding it in shallows, big enough to swallow them whole

heard rumors about people and animals getting tf'd into pokemon by magic
thought it was another zoomer reality shifting bullshit tiktok trend
but no, that was definitely it
jesus that thing is huge
the bluegill meta is evolving

literally

still less crazy than the kikestein files
fuckit, curiosity sated, time to go incogniito
turn off spotlights, turn on red lights
hopefully it can't see that
lay down on leather couch, totally wiped
gonna get that son of a bitch eventually
but i should probably invest in a damn 50bmg just in case a gyarados shows up
whatever, rest now, go back to marina in the morning
slowly drift off, aching like hell

have that dream again
from back in the carribean
the great turk wall yet again
where 30ft deep reef turns abruptly into the literal edge of the world
the continential shelf, i'll never forget it
swam out after a seaturtle
didnt listen to the guides and looked down
surrounded by ocean horrors that validate whatever the hell was wrong with ahab
water so deep that direction loses all meaning
an all encompassing blue so deep that its darker than black
staring into the abyss yet again, always takes my breath away
there was nothing. and everything
just floating in emptiness
the depths below call out to whoever beholds it
a gaping maw that hungers for everything and yet nothing
i can feel my scales shuddering, and my tail curling in fear
wait what
i look down and see a smooth, cream body
no arms, no legs
serpentine like an eel with a colorful tail like a stained glass window ending in an elegant fan
that abyss was like my home, i remember my first voyage down below, the caves and-
wait a fucking second
i cant breathe underwater
jolt awake in grandpa's boat
rays of mornibg peering through crack in the door
try to reach for my cheezits
i have no arms
only fins
that body i saw in my dreams
a milotic.. gen 4?
i scramble out of my bedding and literally slither to the bathroom
in the mirror i see myself
slender and elegant, but also big like a florida python
i turned my head two and fro
this has to be a dream, right?
close my eyes and try to force myself awake
open my eyes
radiant sapphire orbs stare back at me in the mirror
I try to move my nonexistent limbs, instead raising my tail fan and waving it
I'm a fucking pokemon
panic sets in
DropOnTheDeckAndFlopLikeAFish
Spongebob Squarepants!

Go back to cromebook
flail more because no arms
eventually figure out I can coil and use my tail fan to type by slapping keyboard
shdvbhsv hbgvosnx ibdv aurvebj
shit
flop back onto couch and sigh
i'll figure this shit out later back to sleep for now
need my beauty rest
or something
is what i would say if i could fucking sleep
who the fuck turns into a giant fish and can sleep after???
certainly not me
many many problems arise
namely how to i drive this boat back
wait no theres no pedals its lever based
thanks grampa
spend the wee morning hours fucking about with my tailfin to bring myself back to the marina
the hardest part was turning the ignition
everything else was kinda easy
coil around captain's chair, use tail fan to steer wheel
lookmomnohands.anemone
takes about an hour to get back at this middling pace
better safe than sorry
eventually get back to dock, let wagebois moor me
grab my cheezits in mouth and slither out from cabin.
get onto dock and stare dockhand in the face
he freezes
i blink
"yes i understand my beauty is stunning but please"
where tf did that come from?
normally not that full of it but now
easy breezy beautiful. covereel
feels good to bask in the attention
but this kid was annoying me now
hand him my box of cheezits
"collect my belongings and stow them in the cabin, would you?"
he nods, eyes wide and mouth agape
"thank you dahling"
why am I talking like this?
whatever, i have better things to do.


be me
been a milotic for a few hours now
sometimes it feels like a lifetime
sometimes i remember swimming at great depths in rivers and lakes
ones ive never been to
hell ones i never even knew existed
in one of them i corralled a school of fish in my coils
swam around then in circles, using my tail to dazzle and hypnotize
in another i breached to splash a bear that was getting too close
fuckin bears
stupid friend shaped murder machines that im not allowed to pet or feed delicious cheezits
actually i cant pet anything now
no hands
whatever, where was i?
oh yeah, bottom of the bay
felt natural to cone down here
feels natural slipping through the cold waters
the pressure was pleasant too
imagine shoving your arm into cool jello and wiggling it around
but your whole body
super comfy to the new eel sensibiilities
speaking of
i can tell there's a terrible storm up top
and some jackass is out here with his line in the water
swim up to inspect it
1lb weight, fucking bobber
10lb line
poke head out of water to see what fresh fuckery this is
spot mini yacht retiree
SS EAZY LIFE
jamming it out to U2
motherfucker
sky is gonna open up and pour down any minute now
old dude is literally sitting on the edge of his boat
playing U2 from a car stereo speaker
if i were still human i'd tell him to get a move on
or flip him off
but now i am fish
lightbulb.trout
swim around and bite his line
snap his hook in one go, spit out sharp part and bite weight
tug on line, he yanks
hold still to test line
fucker yanks again
spit out his weight
he tumbles
hear "woah! sheyiit!" and crack of thunder
schadenfreude.carp
poke head up again
man groaning on his deck
maybe was a bit too rough
"motherfuckerin bluegill. fight like hell broke m'damn hook"
ah, a kindred spirit
he screams
oh i said that out loud
whoops
all good ill just rise up and tell him to chill
stupid mermaid eel voice kicks in

BE NOT AFRAID DAHLING

he screams louder

STOP THAT INCESSANT NOISE

slap boat with tail
he shuts his gab, still staring at me in shock
i suppose that's the normal reaction to a thirty foot sea serpent talking to you
"what are you? are you the devil?"

Certainly not. I'm just a concerned stranger dahling

"what?"
look up at the sky
angriest clouds ive seen since that documentary on katrina i watched
"oh. shit, i thought i had a couple hours left!"

Obviously not, dahling. Now carry on. Back to the marina with you.
Also get better gear
Basspro has bullshit prices but they tote their unsold stock to a discount tackle down by the oceanfront
new stock every thursday
questionable acts at a reasonable price and whatnot

"what the fuck are you talkin about?"

Good deals, dahling. Now shoo, shoo! Before you're washed away and I have to carry you to shore myself!

he doesn't question me again, just scrambles to his wheel and skedaddles back toward the marina
Better
about to return to my underwater chilling
suddenly hear a really weird rumble
not any engine i'm familiar with
certainly not thunder
reminds me of gator bellows back in the bayou
decide to investigate
swivel head around for all of a second before i witness the shadow of a shape slip out of sight
ain't no rest for the fishes
the retreating figure of
fucking something
real big, long and serpentine. maybe a football field away
hard to make out in the coming storm
pick out a few features though
scales like the shingles on an old roof, few spikes
wtf.sunfish
disappears before i can wrap my head around it
realize i'm not the only nessie in this loch
nope.gar
back to my seabed
i've gotta find a new place to swim

picrel what the fuck did i just see?


be me
been a day and a half now
still a milotic
starting to get used to it
aquatic life is chill actually
perfect temperature
water squeezes around tubular body like a weirdly wet omnipresent blanket
free food swims in front of your face
perfectly salted too
like if crunch bars were
fish flavored. like sardines
i realize i couldve said sardines but bigger
is it racist to say all fish taste the same to me?
whatever. more pressing matters
that big spikey creature from the storm the other day
apparently a gyarados according to saltwater fly rigging board
that thing has been causing havoc literally everywhere
was snooping under the pier(for dropped crab cakes, great restaraunt there)
overheard convos between fishermen and tug sailors
"Giant blue bastard bit a chunk outta my rudder!"
"so what, orcas have been going after yachts for years now."
"i work on a cargo ship you dumb motherfucker"
thats one example
heard about tugs, yachts, and the carnival sunshine which lost a whole ass propeller
fuckass cruise ship and its shitty casino
always rocked me sick when i vacationed. good fucking riddance
silver linings
started investigating actually
inspected attack sites both in and out of water
old fucker helped out when i couldn't see at night
apparently he wanted a picture for a fushing story
did my best selfie pose
kinda fucked up vertical zigzag
he drove me around the bay at night in return.
spotlights attracted night fish and sonar map helped pinpoint deeper spots for me to check
efficiency.loach
eventually find what we think is its lair
old fucker stops boat, we just free float for a sec
no anchor yet
you'll see why
"it's right below us, anon. If that beastie is hidin anywhere, it's here."

Ah-huh.

"What'sa matter witcha?"

I had been avoiding this place for a reason, Dahling

"Whai? The Hole 's th'deepest part of the bay."

Yes. Nearly two hundred feet deep and its just called The Hole.

"Ain't you a fish?"

Something like that

"And long as a damn schoolbus?"

What's your point?

old fucker stares at me, slaps his knee, laughs like a asthmatic seagull
squint at him

What's so funny, Dahling?

"Bigass fish'r s'posed to like deep water! yer shit scared of it! It'sa first fer me!"
he makes a fair point
deeper water bigger fish
weirder, too.
still remember incident with the school of humboldt squid in the gulf
still get nightmares about that
poor, poor pablo
fly high hombré
man quit his fisherman job to be a pilot after that
i'd wanna be as far away as possible from those things too
"Idunno what yer starin inta space for, but lookie thare!"
he's at the top deck by his wheel, pointing over the edge with one hand and moving the spotlight with the other
nani.eel
look over edge of boat
good five yards off the aft, port side
see it
bubbles and foam
small ones rising from the depths
like something was being chased and booked it hard
hear splashing near surface
its close
spotlight follows trail
its moving toward the boat
if i could still sweat i'd be drenched
more than i already am
hear something slap against the port side, moving toward motor
no knees to be weak but body spaghetti
PLAP PLAP THUNK PLOP SLAP
wtf.sturgeon
did something just board?
hear panting and sniffling
raise long body up to see wtf it is
see harbor seal safely on our vessel
its scared shitless
it looks at me
big wet wuppydog eyes
heart immediately melts

Awwww! Thank goodness! I thought it was a monster

it makes a noise
egg!

Egg to meet you too, dahling

look back up at old fucker
about to say false alarm
notice his eyes are big as dinnerplates, face paler than usual
pointing out. far
spotlight there
look and see a bigass shadow under the surface
angry thrash of tailfin, huge splash
shark, big big shark
seal was almost a meal
"Sweat baby jaysus.. That ws a fuckin hammerhead"

Hunting a seal?

"Nawh. Runnin."

Pardon?

egg?

"Shush, botha ya, n' listen"
he's whispering now, taking tiptoe steps to cut off the white light and turn on the red bulb
red is dimmer but the housing spreads it over a wider area
some fish have a harder time detecting red light
or so the spearfishers and deepsea maniacs say
either way its fuckin sketchy
pitch black water, pitch black sky
everything you can see is either blood red or vague dark silhouettes on the water
spooky.crab
grab sealfren and pull him further onto the deck
honestly just coiling around it for emotional support
its shaking as much as i am and tucking its head into my coils
me too buddy
boat suddenly rocks hard
"swam under us." oldfucker whispers
"starport side."
he turns around and so do I
more bubbles rise up. all around
few splashes at the edge of our lights
and then nothing.
nothing
just silence.
terrible, terrible silence.
none of us dare move
suddenly shark breaches
great hammerhead. biggest predators we get in the bay
easily twice oldfucker's size
in the air like a damn bird
or a frisbee
or a hackey sack
flailing wildly, good spin
that thing was /thrown/
giant splash follows it right as its about to come back down
roar like the bellow of a crocodile, loud as a rock concert
fangs and huge gaping mouth
scales segmented and overlapping like the shingles of a roofz stark contrast against the black water in our lights
as big around as a damn bus
face locked into a perpetual scowl
comes up and snaps the shark out of the air, bodyslams it back into the depths
can only watch as it curls downward and its spines, big as car doors, cut the water and vanish
"Always a bigger fish.."
we stay silent for what feels like an age after that
oldfucker eventually cuts on the engines and drives us away to his private dock up river
sealfren sniffles next to me
oldfucker whistles, pulls boat around
"Y'know we gotta catch that thing 'fore it kills someone, right?"

...Yes. I know...

egg!


Edit

Pub: 23 Mar 2026 18:41 UTC

Views: 92