125) Chapter 19. M-Me Too……! (3)
But even after saying it, I felt a little awkward.
Because the kindness I could show Jinwoo wasn’t kindness that came from my own ability.
I was basically living under Soi’s family’s roof, and therefore every bit of financial ability I enjoyed came entirely from Soi’s parents.
If Soi had said it instead, that would at least be fine. Soi was their child. Even then, strictly speaking, maybe it still couldn’t completely be called “Soi’s own ability,” but in the first place, it wasn’t really possible to separate those things for a child who hadn’t even become independent yet.
“Why?”
But even thinking that, it was awkward to actually say out loud.
In the first place, Soi had never once seemed to think of me as anything other than family.
And it wasn’t just Soi.
Soi’s parents, Uncle Dohyun and Auntie Yujin, had never once treated me as anything other than “one of our kids.”
They carefully prepared birthday presents for me every single year, and not once had those presents ever been worse than Soi’s. At Christmas too, we always received the same gifts.
Although our appearances were completely different, the two of us had basically grown up being treated like twin sisters.
So if I unnecessarily said, “This ability isn’t mine,” then, well.
Soi would definitely get hurt.
“Is this because of Nam Jinwoo?”
But Soi had spent a long time with me too.
Just like I could vaguely guess what Soi was thinking by looking at her expression, Soi could immediately read my thoughts just from my face.
Of course, there was a pretty huge difference in those abilities. I could only vaguely sense hidden emotions at best, but sometimes Soi acted like she could literally read my thoughts directly.
Sometimes I even wondered if she genuinely had some kind of mind-reading ability.
Well, if she had possessed that kind of power, she wouldn’t have gotten pushed around by Seo Rua in the original work.
“Um…….”
“Even if you hadn’t said anything, I was going to bring her along anyway. Given the situation, it’s better for her to stay out of the dorm as long as possible.”
“Ah, yeah.”
Still, it seemed she didn’t realize that I somewhat separated Soi’s family and myself in my head.
Maybe she thought I was worrying because I had added another person into the group on my own.
“I don’t know what reason she has for doing this, but it also feels wrong to just leave her alone.”
“Yeah…….”
For such a kind girl to become so twisted in the original story.
Had Seo Rua really resembled her “real mother” that much?
Maybe I would have turned out the same too.
Maybe the only reason I was somewhat better was because I still had memories from my previous life.
“Jeez~”
Since I still had a somewhat complicated expression, Soi grinned and clung to my arm.
Even though she trained so much, Soi’s body somehow wasn’t firm but soft, pressing snugly against my arm.
I was used to it, but not used to it. It was that kind of strange feeling.
I…… treasured Soi deeply. We had spent such a long time together. At this point, I couldn’t even imagine how empty things would feel if Soi disappeared from beside me.
Maybe Soi felt the same way too.
I probably would never marry a man, while Soi might someday marry someone and move away.
But if that happened, wouldn’t I probably keep visiting her while making all kinds of excuses?
And if that happened, would Soi maybe eventually get tired of me? Would she answer, “That was just when we were kids,” while looking at me strangely?
“What are you worrying so much about?”
But my heart softened at Soi’s voice as she rested her cheek against my shoulder.
“We can easily handle this with our allowance anyway.”
Well, that was true too.
Even without asking for more money, our allowance alone was enough to cover one person’s meals.
Still, that didn’t change the fact that the money came from Soi’s parents.
“…….”
As we walked silently like that, slowly, my other arm became wrapped in another soft, warm sensation.
It was Chae-yi.
I had met her before Soi, but there had been quite a long period where we became separated after drifting apart.
That was why I always felt indebted to Chae-yi. Things seemed to have worked out somehow now, but if I had gone to find her sooner in the first place, maybe she wouldn’t have had to go through such a childhood.
……Though even then, it would still have ended up as another case of relying on Soi’s parents.
And yet Chae-yi still liked me this much even now.
A softness different from Soi’s, and warmth too.
If Soi’s warmth felt like the lively emotions overflowing when hugging a puppy, then Chae-yi’s warmth was exactly like a cat. Flexible and squishy to the point of almost seeming fragile somehow.
“U-Um.”
As we walked like that, I suddenly heard someone calling us.
Since both my arms were occupied, I tried turning my head as far as possible before realizing that no matter which direction I turned, I would end up face-to-face with either Soi or Chae-yi at extremely close range.
“M-Me too…….”
A careful voice came from somewhere behind me.
No, Jinwoo, if you saw that I couldn’t turn my head, couldn’t you at least come around to the front to say it?
Instead of me turning my head, I felt Soi and Chae-yi’s heads snap around over my shoulders.
Jinwoo immediately went quiet again.
Well, that made sense.
No matter what, Jinwoo was still publicly considered “a boy.”
We had only agreed to keep it among ourselves, not to tell other people. And even if we revealed it now, it would probably cause problems in all kinds of ways.
……Which meant that if Jinwoo and I acted like that openly, rumors might genuinely spread that we were dating. Jinwoo probably hadn’t thought that far ahead and just wanted to try doing those kinds of things too now that she had friends who knew she was a girl.
Maybe later, when we went out to hang around somewhere, I should have her crossdress as a girl? Then maybe she could walk around more comfortably.
No, wait, would that even count as crossdressing? In the first place, could you call it “crossdressing” when a girl was simply dressing like a girl?
As I sank into philosophical contemplation, my arms became squeezed even tighter.
My arms sank a little deeper into Soi and Chae-yi’s embraces.
Naturally, it was uncomfortable. It made me weirdly nervous too. In this situation, even moving a little could become troublesome in all sorts of ways.
But it still felt nice. Discomfort and unpleasantness were completely separate things to begin with.
…….
I know it sounds like kind of a perverted thought though.
*
It actually wasn’t bad at all buying things for Jinwoo.
I mean, if I bought her something and she just picked at it before leaving over half behind, I probably would’ve felt irritated, but Jinwoo was already the type who always ordered extra noodles and finished everything anyway.
In other words, even if her circumstances were unusual, her appetite itself wasn’t really any different from an ordinary high school girl’s.
So whenever I bought her something and watched her eat it, it somehow felt rewarding.
“What do you do in the dorms on weekends?”
The question suddenly came to mind, so I asked.
It was connected to the thought I’d had earlier about dressing her up as a girl.
Even though she spent time with us often, that time could be long or short. It wasn’t like we always went out every weekend to have fun.
Sometimes we only went out briefly before coming back, and in those cases we actually spent more time in our rooms.
“Ah, um, I just stay there…….”
“…….”
Normally, people might think an answer like that just meant someone didn’t want to elaborate.
But with Jinwoo, it was probably sincere.
The dorm room really only had the bare minimum furniture needed to live. A desk with bookshelves, a chair, a wardrobe, and a bed.
If you wanted to use a computer, you had to bring one from home. And if you wanted anything else, you had to get it yourself.
The curriculum itself was high school, and there was technically still the concept of homerooms and “your class,” but overall, daily life felt more like university.
So I had already thought there probably wasn’t much in her room besides her smartphone to really enjoy.
And it probably wasn’t easy for her to go hang out in other boys’ rooms either. So she ended up simply “staying in her room.”
“…….”
Me too,
when I quit middle school and sometimes stayed home alone.
Sometimes there were moments where I absolutely couldn’t focus on studying, but at the same time didn’t particularly want to do anything else either.
And during those times, I had also simply “stayed in my room.”
Time didn’t exactly stop passing. If anything, your sense of time became even harder to grasp than usual. You just got trapped inside your own fantasies, wondering if things would’ve turned out differently if you had done this back then, or if it would’ve been better if you had acted differently at that time, endlessly ruminating over the past.
Then suddenly, when you finally came back to your senses, two or three hours had already passed, and only then would guilt creep in over having wasted so much time.
Soi, Chae-yi, and Hyeonji all looked at Jinwoo simultaneously before turning back toward me.
“…….”
Well, honestly, there wasn’t necessarily anything wrong with “just staying around.”
For introverted people, that could genuinely count as rest.
But Hyeonji and Chae-yi definitely weren’t that kind of personality.
If they still thought Jinwoo was “a boy,” maybe they wouldn’t have felt guilty at all. Maybe they would’ve assumed she had her own friends and spent time alone in her own way.
But if all those times she wandered around in front of our dorm every weekend had actually been because she was lonely and waiting for the only friends she had.
If she had been too embarrassed to contact us first and just awkwardly waited endlessly until we came outside.
“……Let’s go somewhere together on weekends.”
At my words, Jinwoo’s face instantly brightened.
Y-You’re so happy about it that it actually makes me feel even guiltier.
……Wait, is this how Soi and Chae-yi felt every time they looked at me?