That was an encounter one might call...interesting. I’m not really sure what to make of this new Suit I encountered. One who seemed pretty friendly and helpful. Something Suits are not known for. They’re also not known for looking like Toons either. There are some Suits I recall that do have animal looking features, the Bloodhound from the Acquisitions Division comes to mind. But they still had a distinctly Suit aesthetic to them. They did not look so...so Tooney.
Well it, or she. It sounded like a she anyway, was part of the Management Division. The top dogs for the Suits. The head honchos and bots in charge. Maybe this was a new model? Part of some scheme or something? Deploy creepy little Toon Suit kids to go fight real Toons. I don’t think anyone in the game’s world could or would bring themselves to destroying them in combat. It would just be off putting having to fight a child.
I stare up at the grey cloudy sky just a little bit longer on the off chance she came back. I already had a feeling she would not, but it never hurts to wait around anyway just case.
With the strange meeting out of the way, I just shrug and start cramming those Cream Pies into my pants pocket.
One thing I love about goofy Toon logic? Desserts don’t get smushed when you stuff them into your pockets. They stay perfectly intact, ready to be pulled out when there’s a fight. So with them haphazardly stuffed into my pants, all twelve of them in fact, I keep moving.
I’m a bit awkward at first, but after throwing a leg over, I’m able to haul myself up onto the flatbed blocking the path. I wanted to try and jump over it like you do in the game but it seems I’m not as springy or bouncy as I used to be last time I played. When I ran and jumped I just smacked into the side and flopped over with a grunt. Barely a few inches off the ground.
So climbing it is.
Now since I’m in very start of the tutorial area, I still have some ways to go before I get to the end of the island. Maybe there will be people in the little town in the north by the coast I think to myself. Would be nice meeting an actual Toon in Toonsville Online rather than a robot. And hey, if all goes well I could hob on one of the boats in the dock and get a ride over to the mainland. There has to be NPC’s there, I’m sure of it! Either that or I just wake up halfway there and this whole dream adventure was for nothing, but I hope that wouldn’t be the case. Would be an awful lot of walking otherwise and a waste of a dream.
I crossed the flatbed and headed further into the streets of Introduction Island. Follow the streets and I’ll be there in no time I tell myself. Normally there would have been a Suit waiting on the other side of the flatbed. Some low level one bot who is there to be your first challenge. But he was a no show. Unless the cat WAS meant to be the tutorial fight. I shake my head. Nah. There’s no way that thing was meant to be the introduction fight. Way too friendly for a suit. Not to mention-
My ears instinctively twitch at the sound of a soft scraping noise to my right, above me. My head spins around to see what it was, but there’s nothing there.
Is she following me now?
I keep staring but no little robot decides from the skies or pokes her head over the nearby rooftop. “Hmmm…” Slowly I turn my head and start walking again. “Little weirdo.” I mutter. But even as I walk I can’t seem to drop the feeling that I’m being watched. “Probably hiding behind a cloud or something.” I remark to no one in particular.
Wonder if my house still exists? I had a real nice house up in the residential area. Had a pool and everything. Made for a great hangout spot for me and my friends when we all played together. I spent a lot of time and money making sure the place was decked out real nice. I probably had one of the nicest houses on the entire server… boy did I no life the game back then. It’s a random thought, silly, but it helps pass the time while I do nothing but walk through these near endless stretches across the island.
I had forgotten how much of a chore walking through different districts for the first time was. Man this was a slog. It was fine afterwards because you could fast travel. Originally, a player had to go to a bus stop at set locations and a bus would slide along, they would hop on and that would be that. However as the game got bigger and the districts themselves were expanded, a new method was needed.
I’m somewhat dragged out of my thoughts as I notice the fog seeming to get thicker, making the avenue ahead of me seem to stretch on with no end. This doesn’t help things and I fight to suppress a groan. I round another corner, eyeing up an overturned and rusted bike near some garbage cans on the pavement. And at this point I can only see a few dozen meters ahead of me. A thick layer of cloud almost like soup had descended on the island. I can barely make out the end of whatever avenue I’m on if I squint and lean my head forward a bit. Visibility? Ah who needs it, I guess?
Then for a split second I see a silhouette flicker past a half boarded over window in a nearby shop. Same as before, gone in the blink of an eye. The cat really was following me. I was certain of it now.
“Whatever. Just ignore her.” I tell myself with a dismissive hand wave.
But...what if she’s planning on ambushing me? She could pounce from a roof top or ram into me through a door as I walk past. She could even be hiding behind that nearby garbage can, waiting to shank me in the kneecap! Now there was a dangerous thought.
No wait.
It’s a goddamn robot half my size. Worst comes to worst I just punt the little thing and send her flying.
Not a very dangerous thought really all things considered.
Anyway…back to what I was thinking before.
The devs had to come up with a better way of transport and thus the Toon Blot was created. TB for short. Essentially it was a bottle of ink a player would have. When they wanted to fast travel, they would uncork the bottle and dash a large blob of in on the ground, creating what looked like a hole. The toon would then jump in and pop out of a blot where ever it was they wanted to go.
The Blots didn’t force you to head to a designated pick up and drop off point, meaning you could teleport to a larger number of locations including directly to other players or key Suit buildings. Incredibly convenient compared to the bus system when you could just TB out of a Suit Office block and head right back into the town square for resupply. The devs actually planned to remove the bus system since it no longer had any practical use, but fan outcry stopped them.
People loved their bus based fast travel apparently with some even exclusively fast travelling via the bus rather than Blot as part of some RP gimmick or something. To their credit, the devs heard them and kept the bus, but not only that, they actually expanded it out whenever they added newer areas. It was still impractical and they forced you to do a lot more footslogging once you got off, but at least people had the option. The devs could be pretty cool when they wanted to be.
A head poked it’s way over the lip of a roof to some fridge repair store before dipping down again. Ears from the looks of it? Though I couldn’t be so sure at this distance. I think I saw ears. She’s been keeping pace with me this whole time and I was starting to get annoyed with this little game of hide and seek.
I cough loudly and speak up for her to hear, my head turned to face the building I’m sure she’s hiding in. “You know you could just come out-” My words catch in my throat. There is someone across from me. A figure moving slowly through the mist. It’s some distance away but I can just about make them out through the fog. I turn back to face them and as expected, I squint and forward slightly.
Broad shouldered and slowly stomping, almost like they have a limp. I’d recognise that clunky shape anywhere.
A Suit!
“Oh finally!” A grin plastered across my lips. (Do cats have lips?) An actual Suit! Not some freaky little Toon kid cat whatever whatever. They looked just a little too big to be one of the standard level one Suits someone would be expected to fight here. All the bots on the island were from the Acquisitions Division, there was a plot about them trying to ‘acquire’ the island. So it was all Drones (the most basic Acquisitions Suit who looked like sad nerdy little guys) and Moonrakers (The next tier up but still pretty weak. Those guys had crescent moon heads and admittedly I quite liked their design).
There was a single higher level Suit on the island, but they were a story boss you fight at the very end before leaving. They were one of the angel looking suits and I chew my bottom lip trying to recall the name.
Angel Investor that was it!
Though whoever this was wandering in the mist, they didn’t look like an Angel Investor either. And they were making a faint noise. It was a mixture of low growling and creaking of metal. “A bloodhound Maybe? Surely not.”
“Well I’ll just find out soon enough.” I actually chuckle. I finally get to do a bit of combat, thank god! I rummage into my pocket and pull out a cream pie, carefully balanced on the palm of my hand. Now I might not be much of a jumper, but I’m a half decent throw, so this should be a piece of cake...oh I wonder if I’ll unlock that weapon later on.
I purse my lips and let out a whistle. “Hey! Over here you big lug!”
The mystery figure stops. They lurch, turning face me and start to slowly approach in a strange gaiting stride. But as it gets closer the suit starts to pick up speed on the approach. Slow to be sure, but getting faster and faster with every passing second. Every footfall emits a large metalic thud and only now am am I starting to notice just how heavy their footfalls are. ‘Thump thump thump’ each step accompanied by a grating, almost ear piercing stab of old metal warping.
Emerging from the worst of the mist like a strange robotic phantom, I was finally able to get a good look at them.
“That’s right I’m talking to yooouuu…oh what the hell?!”
Whatever stepped out of the fog was definitely a suit. I think anyway. The signature metal clad suit of their mechanical bodies was on full display, the colour of this one was black however. Different to the other Divisions. And not only that, the Division symbol on their chest was one I did not recognise either.
It was a Toonish looking smily face pressed in grey metal and stamped on the chest. It was similar to the rest of the Suits...only...I had never seen that symbol before I wondered. If this was meant to be a new Division?
But that wasn’t what made me take a step back. That wasn’t what sent a cold uncomfortable shiver through my body
Its head.
It was...it was a Toon’s head! Shaped in thick rusted grey metal and riveted with thick bolts along seams. It almost looked to be a horse judging by the long face shape and chunk of metal representing a mane on the back of it’s head. It reminded me of the cat I met earlier, only more crude and industrial looking. Almost like an oversized helmet.
It stopped. It’s head creaking as it rotated and raised to get a good look at me. That horrible uncanny smiling head. And those eyes.
Even it’s eyes looked to be built in and molded and shaped along with the rest of the head. I wasn’t sure if they could even move. They didn’t seem to stare straight ahead, a faint glow behind them. A light pale yellow. They looked like the headlights of a car.
It emitted a slow grinding sound and it’s jaw slotted open. The things grinning teeth split apart to reveal the black void inside its maw before steam seemed to pour out. Vaporous heat hitting the air in a long trail as though it were some fire breathing dragon. The machine let out what I could only describe as a groan and started towards me.
A groan! A long drawn out sluring droll.
“Oh no no no I do not like you.” I really did not. This thing looked beyond unsettling, uncanny even like a weird imitation of both Toon and Suit. Before I even realised it, my body had acted on it’s own and I threw the first cream pie. A fear impulse maybe? The dessert splatted against the side of it’s face. It’s snout? Either way it was only a glancing hit and quickly slid off. I honestly had no idea if that worked or not. By the games logic it should have but it seemed unfazed.
The faster it moved, the more steam seemed to pour from the machines jaw. And boy was it picking up speed now. The thing seemed agitated, it was visibly shaking all over as it came. I rummaged into my pocket and pulled out a second pie. “Take two.” This throw was better, landing square in the face this time. It split in two on impact with the top part carrying on and covering those eyes, the rest once more dribbling down the face, the thick cream turning runny thanks to what I assume was the heat it gave off.
As it drew closer and closer I could see that a large dollop of that cream had blocked the mouth where yet even more vapours where exhausted, or tried to but quite a lot had run down into the maw. All that cream was cream was already slowly bubbling away across the Suit’s metallic surface. Damn he must be giving off some serious heat I thought. I could even hear a slight sizzle over the sound of it’s stomping steps.
I was backing away, actually leaping back on my feet and trying to create a bit of distance between the two of us. Not entirely graceful but I did what I had to, okay?
The horse, do I call it a horse? Suit? It. The it was making all sorts of rattling noises as its whole frame shook more and more violently. I could hear metallic hissing and low raspy noises from its body so I think I was hurting it. I hope I was anyway. Maybe if I could get more of the gunk in the mouth, it could clog the internal systems and bring it down for good. But man was it moving faster. Still something of a gait, but I’ve never seen a Suit move like this in game before.
“Third times the charm! Please work please work please work!”
I threw!
Direct hit on the mouth!
Bullseye!
It was full of mush and pastry and entirely blocked now! Oh it was a beautiful sight!
The mechanical horse lurched forward, staggering to one knee as it writhed. The air around it was shimmering. Shimmering! I could actually feel the heat faintly even at this range as the cream and pie pastry boiled. Violently. Tendrils of steam rose up as they all sizzled, cooked atop the metallic head. And then even its eyes began to steam. A bubble of cream would pop in it’s mouth and a little trapped pocket of greyish mist was set free and floated in the air.
Wait, was that growling I heard?
Coming from the Suit! It was growling as it thrashed and twitched, grabbing it’s head, growing louder and louder. A bubble popped along it’s mouth, a tiny gap forming to let out a little more steam, this time it actually whistled. A shrill drill like you might hear from a train passing by as you wave to it or a boiler on the verge of overpressurizing. And it rang continuously. I did not like this, not one bit. Normally Suits just explode after you hit them enough times with jokes. Why wasn’t this one exploding?
The growling morphed, merged with the whistling and it almost sounded like screaming. The cold shiver came back with a vengeance. This all felt wrong. Very very wrong.
It suddenly reached up with those huge metallic fingers. It jabbed it’s digits onto either side of its face, each one denting into the metal in its grip. One or two here and there actually broke through the metal of its head, meaning more whistling steam hissing out, adding to the growing cacophony.
Then it began to tug.
The metal of it’s face buckled and screeched as it came away slowly at first and then in one quick motion, the head was ripped clear in half down the middle, tearing away.
Oh god!
Red! All I saw was red! A face that was nothing but a mass of red raw muscle and lidless bloodshot eyes. Stained broken and cracked teeth and exposed yellowed bone. All in a vague approximation of a horses head but still in the proportions of a Toon!
And all the while from lipless mouth it was screaming…
Screaming...