119) Chapter 18. No? (5)

Ugh, once I start worrying about something, I can’t stop thinking about it.

I mean Nam Jinwoo.

Soi and Chae‑yi stick to my side whether I pay attention or not.

Even when I’m doing absolutely nothing, Soi comes over asking, “What are you doing?”, and Chae‑yi just lies down with her head on my thigh without even asking.

Hyeonji may not talk as much as those two, but she expresses herself clearly.

And more than anything, when Soi and Chae‑yi cling to me a bit too much, Hyeonji just stares holes through us, so even if she doesn’t say anything, her presence never disappears.

But Nam Jinwoo isn’t like that.

If I compare how often I talk to her first versus how often she talks to me first, it’s about 7 to 3.

It’s like she’s training some kind of stealth skill—if none of us speak to her, she stays completely silent, and unless I consciously pay attention, her presence just fades away.

Not that Soi, Chae‑yi, or Hyeonji talk to her more than I do.

Maybe because her outward gender is “different,” they feel a bit awkward around her.

We still move together as a group, but as my relationship with Jinwoo cooled into something lukewarm, their relationship with her also became lukewarm.

Since I’m not bullying Jinwoo, Soi and Chae‑yi have no reason to follow along and bully her either, and Hyeonji has no reason to stop anything.

And there’s no particular episode that would make them grow attached to her.

…….

No, more importantly—I don’t like it.

Call me selfish, but I don’t want anyone taking Soi and Chae‑yi away from me. I want them to stay by my side.

Of course, I know that’s impossible.

Someday, Soi and Chae‑yi will meet someone they like, get married, build families.

Just imagining it feels like my brain is being destroyed, but what can I do.

So I want to stay close to them now, but…

“……”

Still, since she’s nearby, I can’t help but notice her.

Following behind us silently, keeping a few steps of distance—it feels like…

Doesn’t it feel like we’re “letting her tag along”?

I mean, I know from experience—back in university, when I had no friends in my department—that even being “let in” like that is something to be grateful for.

It’s much better than being treated like a transparent ghost. Better to be asked, “We’re going out for drinks, want to come?” than ignored.

So even though she follows us like that, her expression isn’t that bad. She still looks nervous and watches our reactions, but…

“……ugh.”

But still.

Am I really the kind of person who “lets someone tag along”?

Sure, it’s better than ignoring someone, but that subtle discomfort remains.

Hearing people talk about going on summer trips together, or winter outings, or checking out some new place near campus…

You can’t help overhearing it, and you know you’re not close enough to be invited, so you keep wondering if you’re really supposed to be there.

Feeling relieved and uncomfortable at the same time—wondering if you’re intruding even though you weren’t invited.

Worrying that maybe they’re uncomfortable too but forcing themselves to include you.

Of course, I don’t find Jinwoo uncomfortable.

If anything, she’s… easy. Or rather, manageable.

I might not be able to beat her in ability, but I feel like I could win in sheer force of will.

It’s funny—now that I’m certain she’s a girl, she still feels easy to handle. Maybe living this long as a girl has given me some immunity to “girls” in general.

“Why?”

“H‑huh?”

“You looked like you were thinking about something really serious.”

“Ah.”

Maybe I was groaning to myself.

I thought about how to answer Chae‑yi.

My relationship with Jinwoo is lukewarm, but…

Soi and Chae‑yi are a bit too wary of her. Or maybe they’re just overprotective of me. Whenever I bring up Jinwoo, their expressions shift slightly.

Well, it’s not as bad as when we first met her.

“…It’s nothing.”

“Hmmm~?”

Even if I deny it, we’ve known each other too long.

There’s no way Chae‑yi wouldn’t notice I’m seriously thinking about something.

But she doesn’t pry. She just waits for me to speak when I’m ready.

That consideration sits heavily on my chest in a different way.

“I heard a good shop opened near the school.”

Soi suddenly said.

She was right next to us, so she must’ve heard the conversation.

“The desserts are supposed to be super sweet. Like, one bite makes your head go fuzzy.”

…Is that okay?

Well, I know I can handle it now. I’m a teenager, and unlike my previous life—where I hated moving—I actually train regularly now.

Not because I like it, but still.

“I heard it from classmates.”

Until recently, my classmates barely talked to me, but now they greet me or make small talk.

The ones who bullied me don’t talk to me, but…

Now they are the ones who feel oddly left out.

“Should we go?”

“I wanna go, I wanna go.”

Chae‑yi answered brightly and hugged my arm tightly.

“Hyeonji, you coming?”

Soi asked naturally.

“Yeah.”

Hyeonji answered naturally too.

And then, half a beat later—

“…What about you?”

Soi turned around and asked Jinwoo.

Not cold, but… she didn’t use her name. As if calling her “Jinwoo‑ya” felt too awkward.

And calling her “Nam Jinwoo!” would sound angry.

“M‑me?”

And Jinwoo answered like a teenage boy with zero resistance to girls.

Well, Jinwoo has negative resistance to any human, so she’d react the same even if a boy talked to her.

Still, didn’t she have at least one or two close friends in the original? Even if they were nameless extras.

“Yeah, you.”

Soi giggled a little, finding Jinwoo’s reaction funny.

That tiny laugh made a faint irritation rise in me. Am I still jealous when Soi gets friendly with someone else?

“Uh, y‑yeah. I’ll go.”

“Okay, good.”

Soi answered and then turned back to me with a bright smile.

A smile like the sun.

She always smiled brightly as a kid, but not like this.

This smile is one she only shows me. I know that well.

We’ve been together since childhood.

And I love that.

Someone who likes me this much—probably—

—Probably?

Uh, well. Yeah. There’s also Chae‑yi.

Chae‑yi also shows me smiles she never shows anyone else, and she only clings to me like this.

So I guess I’m… kind of popular?

Well, even if that’s true, my number of friends is still tiny compared to the real “in‑crowd.”

And Soi and Chae‑yi have always been close to me since forever.

So they’re kind of cheat codes. It feels too natural for them to be by my side.

…Am I being too spoiled?

*

One thing I’m really grateful for is that even though Jinwoo feels awkward around us, she doesn’t hesitate when it comes to ordering or eating what she wants.

Meaning: even while watching our reactions, she still orders what she wants and eats what she wants.

Considering how much she worries about others, she’d never come to a café like this alone.

Well, she’s almost always with us anyway, except when she’s in the dorm.

She even loiters in front of the girls’ dorm in the morning.

But when other students walk by, she hides behind parked cars or buildings, which makes her look even creepier.

Sometimes I wonder how she’s supposed to be the protagonist.

But maybe that’s the protagonist’s weird courage at work.

If it were me, I wouldn’t even imagine waiting for a girl friend in front of the girls’ dorm.

Her slightly feminine looks help soften it, but if it were the “actual girl friend” she was waiting for, it would be creepy.

“…W‑what? W‑why?”

“……”

Watching Jinwoo panic and wipe her face with her hands after noticing my gaze—while drinking a bubble tea with so many tapioca pearls I couldn’t tell if it was a drink or a cup of pearls—I let out a small sigh.

Is she really the protagonist?

I didn’t mistake her for someone else with the same name, right?

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Pub: 13 May 2026 05:58 UTC

Edit: 13 May 2026 06:00 UTC

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