See cute bird girl
Realize after ooglign her she's a cockatoo
Recall cockatoos are crazy
Dick overrides brain
Ask her out for drinks.
Actually seems pretty chill.
Think alls clear. Take her home
Sex is wild. Aside from some wild moans and mimicry, everything seems fine.
Next day, I wake up to her screaming at me while stark raving naked.
Throws stuff at me, cursing me out with incomprehensible words.
Dog barks and cat wailing sprinkled in between her swearing.
At one point she makes sounds like a child being strangled.
Try to calm her down and figure out why she's so mad.
Lunges at me out of the blue
Fucking tries to bite my hand off.
End up with a giant bloody gash on around my wrist which will need 34 stitches to close up.
Nearly severs a tendon.
Start wrestling her, trying to get her under control.
Ends up smearing blood all over her white feathers.
She looks even more psychotic now.
Eventually force her out of the house.
Ears are ringing from her piercing screeches. Probably have hearing loss.
Hear her scream behind me.
Whip around, terrified she somehow got back in.
She's outside my window, staring in and screaming at me.
mfw I live on the 10th floor.
I close all the blinds and hide in my bathroom.
Hope to god she doesn't break the glass and get in.
She stays outside my apartment all day, screaming.
Must have eventually tired herself out, because she leaves around dusk.
Think to myself it's finally over.
FF to next day - step out on my balcony and nearly trip over something.
Look down - see an entire fucking dog that's been cut in half.
Closer examination shows it's been bit clean through.
Holy fucking shit.
Cower inside for rest of day.
More dead animals, garbage, rotten food appear on my balcony over the next month.
One day discover someone took a massive fucking shit on my car's windshield.
Eventually get a restraining order.