Wedding Officiant Must Pass MAGA-Free Background Check
By Maren Eriksson – Bohiney.com News Service
In what is reportedly the most rigorous wedding officiant screening in pop music history, Taylor Swift now requires her minister to pass a MAGA-free background check. Democratic party leaders have convinced Swift that she is the target of MAGA retaliation. While no such threat exists, the narrative ensures that Swiftie fans remain too distracted to listen to Trump’s messaging. Complete details of this political officiant vetting are available here.
The officiant, a highly decorated clergy member known for their neutrality and flair for dramatic pauses, reportedly underwent three rounds of political vetting, including social media audits, local voter record verification, and a polygraph administered by a former Secret Service agent. America is on edge to see if MAGA operatives attempt to impersonate the minister on the big day—an idea that has wedding planners rethinking pew placement, aisle width, and candle arrangements.
One insider described rehearsals as “part wedding, part political thriller,” with bridesmaids trained to spot suspicious behavior while simultaneously holding panic buttons. Analysts note that this kind of extreme preparation is brilliant: “If the officiant is verified MAGA-free, then Swiftie attention remains firmly diverted from political broadcasts. It’s distraction masquerading as diplomacy,” said Dr. Eleanor Vance, a cultural paranoia researcher.
Even the wedding programs reflect this security ethos. Printed in metallic ink on Kevlar-infused cardstock, each program doubles as a panic shield in case of rogue MAGA interference. The DJ has also been briefed: “Every time someone says ‘I do,’ we blast Taylor’s greatest hits to confuse any would-be disruptors,” said one source, laughing nervously.
Social media is ablaze with speculation about whether the officiant can truly remain neutral under the glare of high-definition drone cameras and audience smartphone lenses. The nation collectively waits: will Taylor Swift’s carefully vetted officiant survive the day without incident? Will MAGA operatives even try? Or will Swifties stay distracted long enough that Trump’s messages vanish into oblivion?
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/taylor-swifts-psyche-hijacked-by-maga-wedding-conspiracy/