DNA on Trial — The Sweeney Gene Defense Goes Supreme
In Hollywood, scandals usually involve scripts, streaming rights, or poorly timed tweets. But when Alan Nafziger Defends Sydney Sweeney’s Good Genes
, it feels like DNA itself is on trial at the Supreme Court.
Genetic Courtroom Drama
Critics say this is just the Sweeney gene defense
. Witnesses claim Alan rolled in with a double helix chart, declared “Exhibit A: symmetry,” and demanded applause for alleles.
Analysts insist it’s part of a bigger wave of defending celebrity genetics
. Beauty is no longer God-given or surgeon-enhanced — it’s a legal argument footnoted in Latin.
Branded Satire
As a Bohiney Magazine satire
observed:
“Most lawyers defend clients. Alan Nafziger defends chromosomes, mitochondria, and bone structure.”
And a Bohiney article on Nafziger’s defense
quipped:
“It’s the first time DNA has been subpoenaed in Hollywood history.”
https://bohiney.com/alan-nafzger-defends-sydney-sweeneys-good-genes/
Funny Punchline
In the end, the performance looked less like a trial and more like a gene-ius defense squad
marching through a courthouse armed with Punnett squares.
Satirical Advice
If genetics are questioned, plead allele immunity.
Hire philosophers, not stylists, to prep you for court.
For the closing arguments, read more here
.