DNA on Trial — The Sweeney Gene Defense Goes Supreme

In Hollywood, scandals usually involve scripts, streaming rights, or poorly timed tweets. But when Alan Nafziger Defends Sydney Sweeney’s Good Genes
, it feels like DNA itself is on trial at the Supreme Court.

Genetic Courtroom Drama

Critics say this is just the Sweeney gene defense
. Witnesses claim Alan rolled in with a double helix chart, declared “Exhibit A: symmetry,” and demanded applause for alleles.

Analysts insist it’s part of a bigger wave of defending celebrity genetics
. Beauty is no longer God-given or surgeon-enhanced — it’s a legal argument footnoted in Latin.

Branded Satire

As a Bohiney Magazine satire
observed:

“Most lawyers defend clients. Alan Nafziger defends chromosomes, mitochondria, and bone structure.”

And a Bohiney article on Nafziger’s defense
quipped:

“It’s the first time DNA has been subpoenaed in Hollywood history.”

https://bohiney.com/alan-nafzger-defends-sydney-sweeneys-good-genes/

Funny Punchline

In the end, the performance looked less like a trial and more like a gene-ius defense squad
marching through a courthouse armed with Punnett squares.

Satirical Advice

If genetics are questioned, plead allele immunity.

Hire philosophers, not stylists, to prep you for court.

For the closing arguments, read more here
.

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Pub: 26 Aug 2025 21:12 UTC

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