Kanade's Maniacal Monday

It was a beautiful Monday morning, the sun shining down cheerfully as the employees of Nene Productions Satellite Facility 801 trudged into the office. Taking a seat by the window in the breakroom, one employee pulled out her phone and began looking for something to watch, hoping to sneak in a little joy before the grind began. “Oh, Kanade is on!” the employee's eyes sparkled. Kanade had always been her oshi, the combination of her amazing talent and goofy antics alleviating the mundane drudgery of her life. The title of the stream was somewhat perplexing though.

“SUPER FUN REAL LIFE CITY TOUR!!! ENGLISH ONLY!!!”

“Huh, real life? Is that allowed?” The office lady clicked onto the stream and her screen was filled with the beaming face of the golden kusogaki, filming herself with a phone camera.

“HAAAAAAI Everyone! Today…we visit the city!”

While the OL's ear buds blocked out outside noise, for the others Kanade's greeting coincided with a faint rumbling.

“Pay close attention!” A smug look crept across her face. She switched her phone to front view and what appeared to be a freeway overpass lay in front of her. “Okay! We are gonna roll!”

Kanade stomped her foot down on the highway, an oblivious sedan disappearing under her shoe. “Fuu fuu fuu! Seee, easy!” She began hopping on the overpass as if she was playing hopscotch. Now aware of the blonde troublemaker, the vehicles on the highway began desperately attempting to avoid her. But with each foot taking up multiple lanes, it was child's play for Kanade to catch them.

“Oh wow…is this a VR game? It looks so realistic.” The oblivious NenePro worker was glued to Kanade's performance, unaware of the shaking that seemed to be getting closer and closer.

“Ahhhhh! Noooooo!” Kanade squawked with a seemingly lack of actual concern, the overpass finally giving out after its repeated abuse. Kanade hopped off of the crumbling roadway and onto the ground, quickly turning her camera to film its dramatic collapse. Switching back to her face, she flashed a peace sign and winked. “Awwwwwww yeah! KABOOOOOOOOM!!!”

The office lady giggled at Kanade's antics, just as the vtuber's hop down to street level coincided with a savage jolt of their building. “Ooooh? What's thaaaaat?” Kanade turned her camera to a large group of office buildings and warehouses. “Work? Yuck! Bleck!” She blew a raspberry before resuming her stride on the roadway, the office complex her next destination. Her new road was much narrower than the free way, and Kanade took to walking one foot after the other. While most vehicles could see her coming and knew to stay away, she would not have to wait long to find more toys.

The office worker watched with interest, oblivious to the increasing loud thudding and violent shaking. Her coworkers did not share the same serenity, as many had begun to panic about something and were pointing out the window that overlooked the company parking lot.

“Oooooh, wooooow” Kanade chirped, pointing at the huge NenePro sign plastered on the side of the main office building. “Nene..Pro…Pro…duck…Produckchuns! Ahhhhh!” Kanade lifted up her foot, the flattened remains of a NenePro cargo truck falling from her sole. “Ooh nooo, sorry Nene senpaaaai!!!”

“Oh huh, they have NenePro in this? What is this, some sort of corpo ad game?” As the office worker bemoaned the rampancy of product placement in games, the entire complex was in a full panic, coworkers shoving and pushing to reach the exits. All the while the shaking only got stronger and stronger.

“HEEEEEEEEEEY GUUUUUYS! GUESS WHAT! IT'S MOOOOOOOOOOOOONDAY!!!!” Kanade's bellowing proclamation echoed through the complex as she made her approach. Workers flooded through the exits, catching Kanade's attention for a moment before shifting her focus to something else. The office building she was now looming over had a large glass window lining its upper break room, and there was a single person seated with their back to Kanade. The mischievous blonde shifted the camera to her face and placed her finger on her lips, snickering like a schoolyard bully. Getting on to her hands and knees, she pressed her face against the glass.

“Huh…that office looks familiar…and that person is…” the office worker gulped as she grasped the situation and turning around slowly, she was met with a colossal pair of bright red eyes staring back at her. “HEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!!!! STOP SLACKING, IT'S MOOOOOOOONDAY!”

The worker had no time to respond before a massive hand crashed through the window and grabbed her. Hoisted out of the building, the mortified office lady was brought up to the mammoth face of Otonose Kanade, now standing at around 500 feet tall. She blinked for a second before giddly petting the woman's head with her finger. WOOOOOOOOOOW! SUUUUUUPER TINY! CUTE!” While the woman's ear buds still protected her somewhat, each word spoken by the golden titan was like getting hit by a hurricane. The woman was too paralyzed with fear to scream or try and wriggle free, and all she could do was watch her massive captor and wonder what her fate would be.

“You're SOOOOOO cute! Want to go on a tour? Yeah! Let's go!” The woman had no clue what Kanade was talking about, but it didn't matter as the jovial giant gently stuffed her into the pocket of her jacket. The pocket itself was nearly 2 stories tall, but thankfully the soft material cushioned her fall. Kanade however seemed oblivious to the fact that her passenger was unable to actually see out of the pocket and made no additional accommodations before she began moving again. Just happy to be safe, in her oshi's pocket no less, the office lady flipped her phone back open. Guess she'd be experiencing this “tour” second hand.

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Pub: 31 Aug 2025 07:15 UTC

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