Red flags, and the bulls that chase them

Melody

Our community is at an interesting intersection between clear communication and Cloak-n-Dagger mystique. Due to the nature of balancing the two, many of the less savory characters who don't wish to be members of the community, will instead opt for power and control over subs with no respect for consent, cooperation, like a mediocre knock-off of Christian Grey. And, just like in that self-fulfilling depiction of a selfish dom, there's so many naive Anastasia(s) who fall face first for the antics of "MindTaker49". People who are new to the community don't understand standards, and I think we as a community need to better provide resources on what bad doms look like.

My hope, is to provide something along those lines in this post. Often times, the word "abusive" is seen as the be-all-end-all worst label to apply to someone, such that accusations of such are taken with lethally serious attitude, which, is good that abusers are looked into, but there's very little nuance. You're either a member of the community, or an exiled abuser, with no room between. That gray area is what people like the (fictional, but based in reality) "MindTaker49" use to justify their behavior. They are within the letter of the law, so there's nothing to be done, is what they'll argue.

Unfortunately, they are indeed correct in that being a second-rate dom is not an actionable offense. However, there are some ways you can spot these kinds of folks, before you wind up disappointed and spammed with annoying spirals.

Red flag: "Looking for Cis F", and its corollary "Looking for Cis F or Afab enby"
Both of these are genuinely bright red flags, avoid like the plague. Even if you fit the description. Especially, if you fit the description. These people are so focused on genitalia and their fragile concept of biological sex, that they conflate anyone who is afab, with Cis women. These people are unable to separate a person from their privates, and will disrespect your identity, if you're nonbinary, and even if they do respect it, it shows that they are incapable of doing a session that doesn't mention your genitals. The real thing to gleam from that sort of text is "I am straight and consider all afab people women, and all amab people men for the purposes of my sexuality." Avoid.

Tl;dr: At best, inexperienced, at worst transphobic.

Red flag: No profile picture, brand new account.
These people will disappear after a week, because they treat accounts like condoms, tossing them when they've gotten their rocks off. If they can't be bothered to set a profile picture, why would you trust them with your mind? Avoid.

Yellow flag: Poor prose, and frequent grammar mistakes.
This one is more of a pet peeve of mine, but if the dom can't put the work in to sound put together, and write something actually enticing when they have as much time to plan as they like, it's doubtful that their improvisational skills are up to snuff. This one isn't a red flag, but, have standards, folks.

Red flag: Wall of text opener
In what world do you need to send me a copy pasted induction on first meeting? Like, being flirty out the gate? Sure, it's the nature of the scene, but sending me a long rambly attempt to drop me? Do you just think it's trance-in-a-can? Avoid

Just those three tips alone and you'll avoid 90% of the "mindtaker49"s of the world. I do hope this is of aid, and I do plan on making one for tists, when sorting through subjects.

  • Mel
Edit Report
Pub: 26 Sep 2023 22:14 UTC
Edit: 03 Apr 2024 16:05 UTC
Views: 617