Broadwash washes a broad (Havard Broadwash and the Darkness)
Sunlight spills between the cracks in the blinds of Havard Broadwash’s squalid palace by the dockside. The sound of waves washing against the pier soothes his aching migraine, the consequence of an alcoholic expedition into unconsciousness the night prior. Sitting up, Havard looks beside himself in bed at the body of his night’s companion, a wet cloth draped over her face. Damn, looks like he passed out in the middle of things and forgot to stop the broadwashing.
Getting out of bed, Havard pulls on a pair of burlap underwear and walks chafingly to his mirror. “Oi, tart. Wake up. Need a favor, aye?”
The murky surface of the grime-covered mirror swirls in an array of blacks and reds. A humanlike face appears within the gloom. “What do you seek, seeker?” the mirror man asks in a sagely voice, quirking his eyebrow.
“How’s about getting’ rid of this body for me, aye?” Havard jerks his thumb over his shoulder at the naked corpse in his bed.
“Simply,” the Darkness purses his lips thinkingly. “Dump the body out of the window.”
Havard scratches his rear and walks to the body. His mirror on the wall has never steered him wrong before. Hefting the deceased prostitute onto his shoulder, Havard creaks open the wooden shutters of his window and tosses her body out.
The naked woman lands chest-first atop a loaded cart of crated pearls. The edge of a box to the stomach kickstarts her heart, and she gasps back to life, staring nudily into the eyes of the wagon driver in front of her. Drool drips from her mouth, pupils uneven and clearly brain damaged from extendedly unbreathing. “Watch what you’re doin’, broad! You’ll kill someone fallin’ like that!” Havard yells below, rolling with it as easily as breathing. “Go ahead and keep her, mate. She’s already had a good washin’!” Laughing to himself, Havard pulls back into the window and slams the shutters shut.
“I told you it would all work out,” the Darkness says, yawning. “Good night, Broadwash.”
“Aye, ya sleepy lout.” Pulling on his coat, Broadwash steps out of the room to handle business.