Mari Loves Sunny

Mari loves Sunny. She loves her brother.

She loves her brother too much, even. She's disgusted with herself, that she feels this way. She tries and she tries to repress these feelings, to keep them inside, but they bubble out like air from a punctured lung. She can't meet his eyes anymore. If she does, she knows she'll break, that she'll end up saying something, doing something that she'll regret.


The guilt is eating her alive. It's not right. It's wrong. It's imperfect, and it makes her imperfect. The wrong answer on a test. The wrong note on the piano. The wrong person to love. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. But all it takes is the lightest of kisses brushing against her skin, a careful, nervous hand on her thigh, and her composure ends up shattering like glass.

Why? Why?


She can't deny it. She can't deny him. Each time they go further and further, and at some point they're going to do something that they can't take back. Something truly immoral. Maybe they've already crossed that line.

They need to stop. But no matter how hard she tries to put distance between them, Sunny has a way of piercing her armor and hitting her right in the heart. Her twisted, traitorous heart. Because, try as she might to deny it, she wants him just as much as he wants her.

Maybe even more.


Sunny always initiates. Always. She can't bear the thought of forcing him, of doing something he doesn't want. He's always shy when he starts to kiss her, still not sure if he's doing it well. But it's perfect, he's perfect, even with his flaws. Nothing like her. When she kisses him back, he melts into her. He's so starved for touch, so eager. He wants more. She wants more.

The voice inside her, the one that screams that this is wrong, gets quieter every day.


He crawls into her bed every night now. It's empty when he isn't there, cold when she can't hold him in her arms. But he never keeps her waiting for long.

Most of the time, that's all that happens, the two of them sleeping with the comforting presence of one another. This time is much of the same, until a voice breaks the silence, scarcely a whisper.

"Mari?"

She opens her eyes, taking stock of him with what little she can see through the window's light.

"Yes, Sunny?"

He purses his lips, in that way he does when he's thinking of what to say. She finds it adorable.

"...I...always do things to you. To start."

His grip tightens on her shirt. She feels a growing sense of worry.

"Why? Are you...only doing what I want? Do you not...want those things?"

The way his voice breaks on the last syllable causes her heart to sink. Even still, that nagging voice in the back of her mind says that this is her chance. A chance to salvage things before they go too far. A chance he willingly provided, even despite the pain it caused him. She could take it.

She smothers the voice ruthlessly. She could never break his heart like that, to lie to him.

To leave him alone.

No. Not ever.

She responds by pulling his lips to her own.


She does small things while no one is looking, things to show him that she cares. A quick squeeze of his hand. A whispered "I love you" in his ear. Nothing that would be terribly unusual to an outside observer, even were it to be caught.

His poker face is wonderful, but the red at the tips of his ears betrays how he feels. Her heart soars at the sight.

The judgmental voice in her head is silent.


He's been growing more and more confident, lately. Ever since she'd begun with her small confirmations, her little proofs that this is real. That this is mutual. There's a fire behind his eyes, something she knows no one else has ever seen in him before. The flame warms her heart.

They're alone, lips are against hers, and the pleasant haze is only interrupted by the sensation of a hand against her breast. A sound of surprise comes from her, unbidden, and he pulls back. Careful, always so careful. Her eyes open to meet his, and the expression on his face sends a spark of something through her.

"Can I?"

Her reply is a smile.


Their parents suspect something.

They want her to get her own room. They're too old to be sharing one, they say. It isn't accusatory, the way they say it. Perhaps they don't suspect anything? It's hard for her to tell anymore. She makes the usual excuses, that there's no room in the house, that she really doesn't mind sharing a room.

He interrupts her, voice shaking as he admits that he's still afraid when he's by himself. He needs her there, he says. A tear falls to the table, and he bolts away before their parents can respond.

When she checks up in him, there's no sign of his emotional outburst. He has a small smile on his face, actually.

"Do you think they bought it?"

When did he get to be such a good liar? Is this her influence at work? Her fault?

Why does she feel a twinge of pride?


The guilt comes to her in her dreams, preying on the vulnerability of slumber. What if you push him too far? What if you've ruined him forever? What if someone finds out? What if, what if, what if.

He's always there when her dreams trouble her. He understands, after all, how nightmares can be. And when she looks him in the eyes, seeing the love for her there?

In that moment, she's certain that it's all worth it.


She notices that he's getting taller. He'd confided in her that he was worried he'd never reach his growth spurt. He must be relieved.

Will he grow taller than her? She wonders. She finds that she likes the idea of needing to reach up to pat him on his head, watching his shy body language remain the same despite the change. The thought brings a smile to her face.

He's growing up.

The sisterly part of her finds it a bit bittersweet. He won't be so reliant on her anymore, he'll build himself new connections, and she'll end up having less time with him. She wouldn't have it any other way, though. It brings her so much joy, to see him grow into his own person.

She only hopes they don't grow apart.


His hands are experienced, now. He plays her like she's his violin, playing all the right notes against her hands, her stomach, her breasts...

They've not taken things too far, not yet. He's always so delicate, afraid to push. But she knows he wants more. She can see it in his eyes the moment after they break a kiss, and she has little doubt that it's mirrored in her own. And yet, they've hesitated.

She can scarcely understand why, anymore.

Her hand presses against the tent within his shorts, and the sound he makes will live on forever in her dreams.


He had a nightmare. It was a bad one, by the looks of things. He clings tightly to her, his only lifeline out from his own head. He asks, begs her to never leave him.

As if she even needs to consider it. She holds him tight and she swears that she'll always be there for him. She can feel him process the words, relaxing against her with visible relief.

They spend the rest of the night like that. Sleep doesn't come for him, and she won't let him hurt alone.


It's been nearly a week since his nightmare. She never did figure out what it was that brought out such a reaction in him. She's worried, of course she is, but it's his choice if he wants to discuss it. She'll never push him.

Tonight, Mari has a dream of her own. There is nothing but blackness around her, but the her within the dream doesn't find this unusual. No, her focus is entirely upon the red thread tied around her little finger.

She knows this story. A red thread which binds two fated lovers. When she was young, she always liked to imagine who might be on the other side of her thread.

She needs to follow it, to see who it leads to. It consumes the entirety of her focus. Anything else simply isn't an option. She begins walking, wrapping the thread around her hand as she goes. It may have taken minutes. It may have taken forever.

She feels a tug, and everything goes still.

Her neck slowly pivots downwards, the clump of red thread at one hand, and the other end...pierces her abdomen. Just below her stomach.

She feels her face smile as pure horror consumes her on the inside. There is a knife in her hand, one she never picked up.

She must see who it leads to.

The blade pierces her flesh, and she awakens with a gasp. Her first act is to immediately tear herself from the bed and dash to the bathroom, vomiting up her dinner into the toilet.

After the third or fourth retch, she feels a pair of hands gather her hair behind her head. She holds her hand out behind her, and he takes it.


She hasn't been quite the same since her nightmare. She can't help it. All of that guilt and worry she'd been pushing back, it's consumed her all at once. She tries so hard to smile as she always does, but it feels wrong on her face.

She doesn't know if anyone else has noticed, but Sunny certainly has. He does all he can to help her, to dote on her. Even cooking for her, though all he knows how to make is scrambled eggs. She appreciates it anyways, all of the things he's doing for her. She doesn't deserve someone like him.

Then, one day, he shoves a small box into her hands. "Open it," he tells her with his usual terseness. And so she does. She can feel her eyes widen.

Inside is an unassuming, silver band. He probably couldn't afford anything more. "Sunny...?" she breathes in disbelief, briefly looking up. There's an uncharacteristic flush in his face.

Her hand shakes as she removes the ring from the box, looking it over in wonder. On the inside, there are words engraved, in an elegant cursive.

'By your side'

She pulls him into a fierce hug, and it's a long while before she lets him go.

She wears the ring on a chain around her neck, every day.


She sits on the couch, deep in thought as Mewo receives some much-needed pets from her lap. The black cat seems quite contented, and Mari can't help but share the sentiment.

The necklace around her neck still makes her smile when she thinks about it. She idly traces it with a finger.

It takes her a moment to realize that Sunny is in the room at all. He's very quiet, even now, and seems to have a talent of moving unnoticed. She turns to look at him, however his gaze is firmly locked on Mewo, a small pout on his face.

Before she can comment, Mewo is scooped up from her lap with only a token complaint from the cat in question. Sunny reclines along the couch with Mewo nestled to his chest, his head now taking the available spot of her lap.

She bursts into a fit of giggles, but decides not to tease him about it. Not right now, at least. She continues her petting as if nothing's happened, her fingers gently flowing through his short locks of hair.


She sits at the bench, hands outstretched. She takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Centering herself.

Three. Two. One. Go.

Her fingers begin their dance over the keys of the piano, the ivories producing wonderful music at her touch. It's exactly how it sounds in her head. It's exactly as it's supposed to sound. It's--

Wrong.

The music abruptly turns into a cacophony of noice as her fingers are all brought down against the keys at once. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. It's that same mistake, the one she's made the three previous attempts. These mistakes keep cropping up, and she's been at this for hours now.

She should know better. She should be better.

Why can't she do this? Why are her hands refusing to obey her properly? First her knee, and now this? What's wrong with her?

Her spiraling thoughts are stilled by a hand gently taking hold of her wrist. The world beyond her and the piano snaps back into disorienting focus. When did the sun go down? How long has she been here?

Her wrist is being pulled, just enough to attract her attention. It's Sunny, of course. She had no doubt, but...there's something about his eyes. Like they aren't as bright as they should be. Is he worried about her?

He tugs at her wrist again, and she finally has the sense to reply. She smiles in what she hopes is a reassuring way. "Oh, Sunny, I'll be right there, I just need to fix this one--"

She's cut off by another, more insistent pull. Eventually, she relents, separating from the piano with much reluctance.

Her dreams are filled with that incorrect note, plinking ceaselessly through her skull. She has to fix it. She needs to be better.

They have a recital coming up, after all. She can't let Sunny down.


Mari loves Sunny. That's why she's been pushing herself so hard, after all. To repay him the times he's been the one to look after her, even though it's supposed to be her looking out for him. For the gift that he gave her, and the promise it represents. He deserves better. She can be better.

So why does he keep trying to pull her away from the piano? Every mistake is like the tines of a fork scraping the inside of her skull, an incessant itch to correct it. Anything less than perfect isn't good enough, doesn't he understand that?

Anger flares in her, and she pulls her wrist from his grasp. "Sunny! I get that you're worried about me, but I need to practice! I can't keep letting you distract me!"

Sunny slowly turns to face her, and she immediately wishes she could swallow her words back up once she sees his face. How terrified he looks.

"I can't," he chokes out, his throat tight with emotion. Fear? Did she...?

"...the nightmare, Mari. The one I had before. It's this."

Mari feels her mind go blank. This? She looks around, trying to understand. The two of them stand at the top of the stairs.

"I c-can't let this recital kill you, Mari."


..

...

She's at her piano again. When did she get here? She can't remember. There's a pressure behind her eye. Where is Sunny? Something...isn't right.

She doesn't understand it, but this feels...important, somehow. Like she has a choice to make. She can see her reflection in the keys. Why is it looking at her like that?

She's supposed to play the piano, isn't she? That's what it's here for. Right? But, no. Sunny. He wanted her to stop. But she's doing this for him, to be her best for their recital! Right?

Her eye is really starting to hurt.

No. If she were doing this for Sunny, then she would listen to him about not pushing herself so hard. No, this is for her. But why?

There's something in her eye. She can feel it. It hurts. She places a hand over it, desperate to relieve the pain.

Is it to prove that she's good at something? To have Mommy and Daddy be proud of her? They never will be again, not once they find out how awful of a sister she's been.

Shut up. It hurts. Shut up!

Or maybe she just wants to pretend, to hide from the truth. That she made Sunny just as much of a monster as she is.

"SHUT UP!"

Her hand claws out the offending organ, that thing causing so much pain. It hurts, but nothing can hurt more than...that. Bloodied fingers tear something from her eye socket, furiously throwing it across the room. It was a softball throw, the action etched into her muscle memory.

Mari glares at something. Something looks back at her.


"What do you want?" The words leave her mouth in a hiss, directed at the...thing. The eye. Her eye. She can still see through it, see how angry she looks. Does she really look like that? Somehow, that only makes her angrier.

"Say something!"

Something says nothing. It only stares at her, judging her for her sins. She hates this thing, she's decided. She reaches out to grab it, to...she doesn't know, really. She never gets that far. As soon as she touches it--

A violin. A fall. A corpse. A jump rope.

A tree. A noose. A secret. A promise.

Sunny. Sunny. Sunny. Sunny.

She recoils away as if the touch burned her. Her hands pull at her hair. She doesn't understand what she just saw. She isn't sure she wants to. She looks down to her piano again. It's still there, waiting for her.

"Leave me alone!" With a strength she didn't know she possessed, she hefts up the piano bench and throws it at the watchful eye. It passes through harmlessly, and she snarls in frustration.

She still needs to make her choice, doesn't she? She looks over the ivory keys once more, calm beginning to run through her as her anger expends itself. Play? Or not to play?

She hadn't realized how much it must've hurt him, to see her like that. So desperate to be perfect, to push more and more. If that's what playing this piano drives her to, if that's what she turns into?

She closes the cover over the keys of the piano, hard enough that the snap of wood against wood causes her ears to ring.


...

...

The ring in her ears begins to subside. Ugh, her head is killing her. She slowly creaks her eyes open, willing the world to start making some damn sense again.

"Sunny?"

He's curled into a ball, hands fisted in his hair as he shakes, not a sound coming from him. Her stomach twists, and she looks around. Is she...?

She's still at the top of the stairs.

What the hell happened? Her eye, she can't see through it. Her hand runs up to her face, and it comes back slick with blood. A moment of probing allows her to find the source: there's a gash, right above her eye. Did she fall?

No, no time for this now. She crawls over to where Sunny's curled into himself, carefully placing her hands on his shoulders. "Sunny?" she asks again, her voice but a whisper. "Hey, look at me. It's okay, alright?"

Something seems to click in his mind, and his head snaps up to look at her. His eyes are red and brimming with tears, misery etched into his face. "M-mari?"

She doesn't get a chance to respond before he leaps forward and clings to her with all his strength, sobbing into her shoulder. "Oh, Sunny..." she breathes, tears beginning to brim in her own eyes.

"It's okay. I'm right here."


"I'm not going to the recital," Mari says.

Sunny stills as he processes the words. The two of them are seated in the bathroom, tending to the cut above Mari's eye. Apparently she'd hit it on the corner of the banister when she'd...passed out? She still doesn't really understand what happened, there. But it felt important.

She shakes the thought of it loose from her mind. She'll have time to think about it later. Right now, there's something they're on quite the time crunch for.

"Mom and Dad'll probably be upset," she continues. "So, the plan is that you wait up in our room, and I'll take the heat. Alright?"

She watches Sunny's brow furrow. "...alone? No. Shouldn't be alone."

She smiles gently at him. "Hey, don't worry about me. You've already done so much for me lately. Let your big sister handle this, okay?"

He doesn't look happy, but eventually he slowly nods. He places a bandage over her cut, one adorned with a pattern of small cats. It's perfect. He pulls her into one more hug.

Then, it's just her. Her versus them. And not a moment too soon, either; she can see the light of their headlights dance through the windows as they pull in.


She stands facing the door, hands folded in front of her. Back straight. Practiced smile on her face.

Her mom enters the house first, her expression immediately turning to confusion. "Mari, wh--"

"Mom," Mari interrupts, "I can't do the recital anymore."

The look her mother gives her causes her to wring her hands, but she looks back without flinching.

"Wh--Mari, what are you talking about? We've been planning this for months! You're telling me this now?"

She can feel her fingernails making indents in her skin. "Yes."

Her mother stands there, briefly speechless, before her anger returns. They look the same when angry, she notices. "You--no! It's too late for you to give up, Mari! People are expecting you and Sunny to perform, and you--you just want to let them down?"

Sometimes, Mari wishes that she would just hit her. It'd be easier to defend herself against. She doesn't trust herself to speak, but she gives a curt nod. Her father's walked up to the door by this point, eyes darting between the two of them. Perhaps wisely, he remains silent.

"This--you're being ridiculous, Mari! You and Sunny are going to perform! Now you march yourself into that car right now, or I swear to God--"

The crash of snapping wood and the song of discordant strings immediately attract the attention of everyone else in the home.

The violin rests on the ground floor, thoroughly broken. At the top of the stairs is none other than Sunny, his hand outstretched. His eyes are pointed directly at Mom. Then, as if to accentuate his point further, his outstretched hand deliberately closes into a fist, save for his middle finger. Everyone stands there, dumbfounded, as he slowly walks back to his room, and shuts the door.

The sound of the door closing snaps everyone out of their fugue. The sound of her mother shouting is drowned out by the howling of Mari's laughter.


They both got grounded. Frankly, considering how everything went, that's probably more than fair. Normally, Mari would be mortified at the idea of doing something that results in punishment. But right now, she only feels a sense of victory. Maybe she's changed.

Sunny's curled himself into her on the bed, exhausted from the day's events, and yet unwilling to surrender to sleep quite yet.

"...Sunny?"

Sunny makes a noise to indicate that he's listening.

"You...don't get me wrong, I really appreciate what you did. But you didn't have to do that."

He shifts a bit to look at her, their eyes meeting. "...can't play a broken violin. Can't be made to play."

Mari smiles, but her voice is tinged with guilt. "Yes, but...that was your Christmas gift. I'm sorry that you had to break it."

"...worth it. Can fix it. Friends'll understand." Sunny leans forward, pressing his lips against the bandage on Mari's forehead. "It's okay."

She can't help but widen her smile at the gesture. "Okay, okay. I'll stop worrying." After a moment, she begins to snicker. "She--she was so mad!"

Sunny's mouth quirks into a smile, and eventually he's laughing too, in his own quiet way. "Yeah. Really pissed."

Mari gasps in an imitation of shock. "Sunny! Where did you learn that word? Oh, egads, my virgin ears!"

They spend the rest of the night making jokes and laughing, until sleep would wait for them no longer.


Sunny's hands trace through the locks of her hair. The normally black strands have been instead colored a vibrant purple. He examines the new color intently, as if trying to memorize it.

"Do you like it? I promised Aubrey, after all!" Truthfully, there was a part of Mari that worried. Would he like it? Would the change put him off? Would he like Aubrey's hair more--nope, that thought's getting shoved back down. It's unbecoming of her to be jealous.

Sunny's head nods so fast that Mari's concerned that he'll hurt his neck. Still, she feels the worried knot in her chest loosen considerably.

Her mother absolutely hated it. Said it made her look like a delinquent.

Good. She's been feeling quite rebellious, lately.


She places a kiss on his forehead. It's a tender, comforting thing. It almost looks sisterly, even, if you ignore the way it lingers. But his hand on her neck encourages her downwards, into a kiss much less ambiguous.

Sunny came home with bruises, today.

He refuses to explain them, clamming up when she pressed the issue. It hurts her heart, to see him marked up like that. He did tell her not to worry, that it wasn't anything serious, but...

"I just want to forget about it," he said.

So, she'll help him forget. She'll place kisses on every blemish marking his skin, until they're nothing but a distant memory for him. Occupy his attention long enough that she'll be all that's on his mind when he approaches that foggy state between awake and asleep. She'll do that for him and more, if that's what he wants.

But then, she will find someone who knows what happened, and make sure that whoever is responsible is held accountable.

No one hurts her brother. No one.


They meet at a bench within Faraway Park. The informant is already there, seated on the bench. She sits on the other end, leaving a gap between them.

"You got the payment?"

She carefully places it in the gap between the two of them: a six-pack of Orange Joe.

You see, there's only one person who knows everything that goes on in Faraway. Namely, the last person you'd expect to be paying attention.

With a pleased laugh, he pulls one of the bottles from the plastic ring, quickly opening it and downing half of the bottle in one go.

"You're going to be awake the entire night, drinking that."

"Duh, that's the idea! So, what dirt are you needing dug up?"

"Sunny came home with bruises, day before last. I want to know why, and who's responsible."

"Hah, that one's easy! Okay, so Sunny's not very expressive, yeah? A group of guys got it in their head to tease him and stuff, trying to get him to do something. They were being kinda jerks, but not anything too crazy, y'know?"

Mari feels her eyes narrow. "Go on."

"So then, someone says your name. And Sunny doesn't even let him finish, he just immediately decks the guy! It turned into this whole fight! I jumped in to help Sunny out, but, well..." Mari can see his smile, even in the dark, "We got our butts kicked! He fought really hard, though! Aubrey came in, then, swinging a baseball bat, and they all bolted."

Mari nods her head thoughtfully, processing this information. "Do you think they'll do something like this again?"

"Nah. I think they respect him and stuff, now. So, need anything else?"

She shakes her head. "No, I think that will be fine. Thank you."

The informant hops up, taking the remainder of the six-pack with him. "No prob! See you next time!"

Mari sits there for a while to digest what she's learned, before she too leaves. She doesn't want to leave Sunny alone for too long, after all.


Her hands hover over the keys of her piano, primed to play.

She takes a deep breath. There's no recital, no pressure on her. She doesn't have to be perfect, she just has to play. She knows so many songs by heart already. It should be easy.

Shouldn't it?

Her hands won't obey her. They begin to shake.

Play something. Anything.

She feels like she's being watched. Her hands start to shake even more.

She lets out the breath she was holding in a sigh, as she closes the cover back over the keys. Not this time, she supposes. Maybe next time. She gets up from the piano bench and goes to find Sunny. She has a hug deficiency that she'd like to rectify, right now.


She sits at her piano again, and again she tries to play. This time, Sunny sits with her, head on her shoulder. She thought that it might be easier with him there, a comforting balm to her nerves.

But still, she can't play.

She tried to smile Sunny's direction as she lowers her hands. "S-sorry, I guess I'm just...not in the mood to play! I hope you don't mind."

His eyes seem to scrutinize her. She can practically see the gears turning in his head. And yet, before she can ask, he raises his own hands to the keys.

The song he plays is simple, pressing only one key at a time. And yet, Mari recognizes it. She had no idea he'd had the song memorized. But...it's missing something. An accompaniment. The other half to the whole.

Sunny finishes the short song and turns back to her, an expectant look in his eye. She bites at her lip, bringing a shaking hand to the ivories. She doesn't know if she can do this. She's going to mess it up.

Come on, Mari. For him.

Sunny starts again, and after one last moment of hesitation, she follows along with him.

She takes it one note at a time. Her muscle memory does most of the work for her. Her anxiety slowly melts away from her into a sigh of relief. It's fine. Everything is fine.


Mari's head swims with sensation. Hands against skin. Lips against skin. Skin against skin. It's overwhelming in a way she can only trust him to bring out in her.

They're alone for the tonight. Neither of them have ever been particularly loud, but right now they don't need to worry about keeping quiet, the ever present fear of being overheard absent from them.

A hand finds hers, and she takes it automatically. She leans her head forward and her lips end up upon an angle of his jaw that's still new to her.

Their eyes meet one another, and she feels the breath still in her lungs, same as him. Something passes between them in that moment, and she thinks that this is it. That this is actually going to happen.

And yet, they hesitate. Again. A line they can't quite bring themselves to cross, even if they'll go right up to it with nary a complaint. She buries her head in her pillow as she relives it, wanting to scream in frustration.


Their parents are having a fight.

It isn't terribly unusual for them to have arguments, every now and again. But nothing like this.

The two of them hide in their room, their weight against the door. Mari holds Sunny on her lap, and he hugs her back. Mari tries to be strong. She isn't afraid. She's the big sister, after all.

They both flinch at the sound of shattering glass. With a shaking hand, Mari reaches up to lock the door.

"Don't be scared," Sunny mumbles into her shoulder, his hug on her tightening.

Mari can feel her eyes water. Since when has he been the one taking care of her? She pulls him tighter again her.


A cloud hung over the two of them lately. It was more noticeable with Mari, of course, but she could tell that Sunny was just as despondent. She decided that they needed something to cheer them up, just the two of them.

Namely, that they should go on a date.

The place she'd decided on was an hour's drive. A bit far, perhaps, but she had to be as sure as she could be that they wouldn't be recognized.

People will still know if they look at the two of you, whispers that small voice that calls itself reason. It's not wrong, either. Maybe not at a glance, but if they were looked at closely enough....

Sunny, helpfully enough, solves the problem before even knowing it was concerning her. As they finish getting ready, Sunny puts on a black face mask, replacing the lower half of his face with something more similar to Mewo's.

Mari stares. Sunny stares back.

"Meow," Sunny deadpans, before he goes back to preparing. Mari wants to squeeze him like an adorable stuffed animal.

It isn't a perfect solution. But with their opposite personalities, her hair, and the face mask...maybe. Just maybe.

Mari smiles as she brings a brush through her hair.


Their choice of date is surprisingly mundane: a movie, then dinner.

Of course, they need to make a stop before the movie, to grab a frankly ridiculous amount of candy to sneak in. She interlaces her fingers with Sunny's, not a care in the world. She can see the tips of his ears go red.

The movie itself is a horror movie, allegedly. Mari can't take it seriously, and even Sunny begins to smile as she begins cracking jokes at its expense. While they gorge themselves on sweets, of course.

Dinner is a slightly daunting prospect with how much they've eaten already, but she's insistent on seeing this date through to the end. They're seated at a booth, and the two of them sit on the same side. The waitress fawns over the two of them. "Oh, are you two on a date~?" she asks, and Sunny's face goes red as a tomato. Not that Mari is in any place to judge.

The food isn't anything special, nor was the movie. It's who she's experiencing it with that makes it a night to remember.


Their mother is waiting for the two of them when they get home. She's sitting at the dining room table, a half emptied wine glass in her hand. The bottle looks to be most of the way emptied. Mari finds herself reflexively standing between her and Sunny.

"Where were you two?" she asks, far more soberly than the alcohol would imply.

Mari steels herself. Her mother doesn't know anything. "I took Sunny to go see a movie with me. Something to cheer us up. Is that okay?" Her question has a sarcastic edge that she couldn't quite stamp out.

Her mother takes another sip of her wine. "You are to ask me for permission before you decide to go anywhere on your own."

The words slip from Mari's mouth before she can think better of it. "After what we heard? I wasn't much feeling like asking you for anything!"

Everything goes cold.

Her mother gets to her feet, anger etched into the lines of her face. "You have been awfully disrespectful of me lately, young lady."

One step towards her. Another.

"You live under my roof," she continues. "You follow my rules."

Three. Four. Mari feels Sunny start to move in front of her, but a hand on his shoulder stills him.

"I won't be tolerating any more of your disobedience. You will behave yourself."

Five. Six. They're standing eye to eye now.

"Are we clear, Mari?"

Mari's mouth has gone dry. She's convinced that she must be shaking, but her voice comes out surprisingly even. "...yes, ma'am."

"Good. If anything like this happens again, you'll be punished. Now go to your room, both of you."

Sunny takes the cue before Mari can, pulling her along by her wrist. The last thing she sees before the door closes is her mother, finishing off the remainder of her glass.


Their mom made breakfast the next morning. An unspoken apology, to Mari's reckoning. The temptation to skip breakfast in order to make a point gnawed at her, but in the end she wound up succumbing to the smell of food on an empty stomach.

This doesn't mean she forgives her!

Breakfast is an even more quiet affair than usual. Sunny and their father aren't typically the talkative sort, leaving filling the silence to Mari and their mother. With Mari currently glaring daggers in her mother's direction, and said mother looking anywhere but at her daughter, conversation has become a near impossibility.

Sunny gives her hand a quick squeeze under the table, though, and she can't help but smile.


She's been much more...assertive with him, lately.

It's hard to say why, really. Perhaps she's been growing more confident in their relationship, less worried that she's pushing something he doesn't want onto him. Maybe it's a way for her to vent her growing frustrations. Or maybe it's just that she wants to feel that spark in her abdomen again when she sees his face, all stoicism broken through, panting and begging for her.

Could be all of it at once, really.

Her hands trace along the angles of his body, she nibbles at the shell of his ears, brushes her fingers against his nipples. She drinks in every sound he makes, each one less restrained than the last. And only when he pleads out her name like a prayer does she pull back and get a good look at him.

His face flushed, his eyes watering, his lips parted as he looks up at her. And there's trust there, and love, so much of it, and in the end that's what kindles that familiar spark in her.

"Don't worry, Sunny," she says as her hand reaches below his waistline. "I'll take good care of you."


It's been far too long since she's last thrown a picnic, she thinks. She sits on the familiar pattern of her picnic blanket as she weaves Aubrey's hair into a braid. The boys, meanwhile, are playing something she presumes is supposed to be football. Hero and Kel are on one team, while Basil and Sunny are on the other. Unfortunately, she doesn't have to keep track to know how the scores are going to end up.

"...hey, Mari?" Aubrey pipes up from in front of her, interrupting her train of thought.

"Hm?"

"It's just, well. Uh..."

Mari can't help but smirk, leaning forward briefly to elbow Aubrey in the ribs. "What, cat got your tongue? I thought we trained Mewo out of that." At Aubrey's continued flustering, she becomes more sincere. "It's okay, Aubrey. I'll keep whatever you say in the strictest of confidence. Promise."

Aubrey seems to debate internally for a moment before sighing. "Fine, fine! It's just, is...isSunnydatinganyonerightnow?"

Mari blinks as she processes the words. Oh. Geez, um. God, this is going to be awkward. She's thankful that Aubrey's facing away from her, oblivious to the flush on her face. She continues to work on the braid as she thinks of a response.

"W-well, whatever may be going on in Sunny's love life isn't really my business!"

"Is that a no?"

"It's an 'I don't know.' There's only one way to find out for sure, isn't there?"

Aubrey's hands come up to cover her face. "But it's embarrassing! What if he says no?"

"Well, um. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take, right? I say go for it! And besides, if he does end up not feeling the same way? There's plenty of other cute guys out there~!"

Aubrey's shoulders relax some. "I guess..."

"Like Kel!"

"Ew! Gross!"

Mari smiles, but there's a hint of worry in it. Sorry about this, Sunny.


He's on her the moment the two of them are alone, pressing her against the wall with a kiss in the safety of their room. Mari certainly didn't except this, but she's not complaining. The kiss lasts long enough for the two of them to slump down onto the floor. Only then does he pull his lips away, a thin strand of saliva briefly connecting them.

"Aubrey asked me out," he mumbles, not meeting her eyes.

Mari does her best to seem surprised. "Oh?" With a familiar smirk, she gives him a playful nudge. "Well, what did you say, you ladykiller?"

Sunny shakes his head. "Said no. Tried to be gentle, but...bad at words."

Mari finds herself pulling him into a hug. "You know that it's...okay, if you want a normal relationship, right?" The words come out strained, despite her best efforts.

Sunny tightens his grip on her. "No. Can't. Won't."

"Why not?"

Even if Mari can't see his face, she can imagine the purse of his lips as he considers his words. "Other people...see the good. Won't accept the bad. Not like you. Even...being like I am. Loving my sister. You accepted me." He pulls away from the hug to look at her. Mari feels her heart skip a beat.

"I love you. Don't...don't want anyone else."

When did he get so good at flustering her, she wonders. She leans forward to kiss him this time.


For the first time in a long while, Mari finds herself being brought to church.

As a family, they are ostensibly Christian, but they only ever seem to go on some holidays or at their parents' whims. It's never been something that resonated deeply with her, and she suspects Sunny feels much the same, though she's never asked. He sits next to her in the pew, eyes staring off to space in the general direction of the pastor. Mari can't blame him; the pastor's sermon borders on monotonous. She finds her focus slipping as well, focusing instead on a question that broached her mind.

If there is a God, why would He make her fall in love with her brother?

She has no doubt that the answer would be something frustratingly vague. All God's plan, mysterious ways. Nothing that's truly thought provoking. Nothing that makes sense to her.

Is this something she's supposed to repent for, to beg for forgiveness from the very person who made her this way? The more she thinks about it, the more the thought angers her. The idea of the devout people around her, their judgmental eyes looking down at her, it makes her skin crawl. She hopes this ends soon. She doesn't want to be anywhere near here.


Aubrey's been giving Mari strange looks, lately.

She's immediately apprehensive, of course. She tries to cut back on the PDA with Sunny, back to more familial levels. And yet, with growing frustration, she finds that she doesn't know where that line is anymore. It's all a blur to her now, when before it was something so distinct.

She's gotten too complacent, too comfortable. She thought her friends would be safer than her parents, less perceptive of how close they might be. Stupid, stupid. She can begin to draw those public lines again, but the damage might already have been done. Even now, she catches Aubrey glancing at her, as if she's searching for something. Mari gives her a smile. Aubrey smiles back. Neither smile reaches their eyes.


Sunny's decided that he wants to get his hair dyed, just like hers.

Mari loves the idea, she really does. But she thinks of Aubrey, those searching glances aimed at her. Would this only fuel her suspicions more? She's able to settle on a compromise, instead: a single lock of hair on his forehead, dyed the same purple as her's. When it's finished, he stares at the mirror with stars in his eyes.

She finds him there the next day, too. His grip on the counter is white-knuckled as he stares into the sink. When she carefully walks up to take a closer look, she sees his eyes locked upon that purple lock of hair, roughly cut off. At her careful questioning, he chokes out a single word.

"Mom."

Anger flares in her heart, real anger. Suddenly, the idea of restraint feels so pointless to her. Her hands shake as she digs around for her purple hair dye.


(Thread #420 omake)

The two of them, both now with vividly purple hair, are now busy hotboxing their shared room. In their underwear, of course, like the horny little spawns of Satan they are.

"Our mom's a bitch," Mari grumbles, as she takes another puff.

Sunny hums in agreement, enjoying the skin on skin contact, reveling in the warmth like a cat. "M'hungry."

"Me too," she replies, pulling herself to her feet. Sunny clings on for a moment before crumpling to the floor. She sighs fondly. "I'm grabbing some Doritos. You want Cool Ranch or Nacho Cheese?"

Sunny pulls himself up into a sitting position, meeting her gaze. "Nacho Cheese."

"You're dead to me."

"You love me."

Mari ruffles his hair. "Yeah, I know. I'll be right back."

DANK END


He comes down the stairs the next morning with his hair dyed the exact same colors as her's. Her mother notices, of course she does. Mari's gaze is locked on her the entire time. Daring her to say a single word about it. Her mother looks back at her, and she stops in her tracks.

Her father buries his face in the newspaper. She can't blame him.

"If you think I won't shave his head, Mari, you're mistaken," her mother comments, far too sweetly. As if it's a joke.

"If you touch another hair on his head, I'll replace your shampoo with Nair," she replies, just as sweetly.

Her mother chuckles, but it carries no warmth. "Oh, always the jokes with you."

Mari just smiles back, saccharine as always.

The standoff is interrupted by Sunny placing a piece of toast in her hand, while he begins to nibble on another.

"Well, we're off to school!" Mari takes a bite from her toast before she turns around. If there was ever a smug way to eat toast, she's certainly done it.

Her mother doesn't respond as the two depart.


Things seem to settle into an uneasy peace, for a while. There's a variety of reactions to Sunny's new hair color, mostly positive ones. Sunny isn't quite used to having this much attention on him, but he navigates it all with surprising grace. She's proud of him.

Mari is currently playing idly on her piano, practicing while Sunny spends time with Basil. She had to remind herself not to fret over every mistake, to not push herself too much, but...it's difficult. She's working on it.

A knock on the door causes her to pause mid-song. Who could it be, she wonders.

It's Aubrey. Her posture is relaxed, but there's an edge of steel in her eyes that makes Mari nervous.

"Hey," Aubrey says. "You busy?"

Mari spares a glance to the piano room. She shrugs. "Nothing I can't do later."

"Mind coming with me to the park?"

She goes, of course. Whether she knows or not, she trusts Aubrey. Their feet against the pavement seems to echo between them.

The silence seems to bother Aubrey, too. "Hey, so. This might be a weird question."

Mari gives her best reassuring smile. "Believe me, I've probably heard weirder. Go ahead."

There's a stretch of silence before she speaks. "You would never...hurt Sunny, would you?"

Mari takes a deep breath in, then out. It's okay. It isn't as scary as she thinks.

"I...would like to say never. But...it's never that simple. There's always the possibility that I could hurt him by accident." Even as she speaks, she can feel the phantom sensation of piano keys under her fingers.

Aubrey's expression is inscrutable, particularly for someone she's so used to seeing wear her heart on her sleeve.

Mari takes another breath before continuing. "But I can say that I'd never want to hurt him. The idea of him being hurt hurts me. If I was the cause? I would never forgive myself."

Aubrey nods once, neither approving or disapproving. "We're here."

And so they are. And there's Sunny and Basil, waiting for them.


Mari and Sunny sit one one side of the table, Aubrey and Basil on the other. Basil looks about as terrified as Mari feels.

"So, we were originally just going to talk to Sunny about this," Aubrey begins. "But he insisted you had to be here. Basil, if you would."

With shaking hands, a stack of polaroids are placed on the table. Mari reaches for one of them, looking towards Aubrey for any objections. She merely nods.

It's a picture of them, her chin on Sunny's shoulder. She picks up another. The two of them holding hands. Another. Sunny's ears burning in embarrassment. Innocent on their own, they painted a different picture. And all of them those little moments they shared with each other.

She hadn't noticed Basil taking them. Not a single one. She looks towards him in disbelief, and his shaking only worsens.

"I-I'm sorry, I'm s-so sorry, I-I just--I thought it was cute! I-I didn't mean, didn't think that--"

Aubrey cuts him off. "Don't apologize, Basil! Remember, this is about Sunny! Making sure he's safe!"

Basil's trembling doesn't stop, but he doesn't say any more, either.

Aubrey's eyes lock with Mari's. "You get where I'm going with this. You and Sunny have always been close, sure. But there's been something different for a while now. And when I asked Sunny out, he said he couldn't accept, but wouldn't tell me why. So I tried figuring it out on my own, and the more I found, the more I began to think that--"

"You think she's hurting me," Sunny says. It isn't a question.

Aubrey looks towards Sunny, and her expression softens. "Maybe not obviously, and maybe not on purpose. B-but if this is what it looks like, then..."

The words come out of Sunny's mouth like a growl. "Say it, then."

"What?"

"Say it." Sunny jumps to his feet, slamming his hands down on the table. "If--if you're so confident about what you think, then say it! Say it!"

Tears begin to fall onto the photos.

"...Mari?"


She loves Sunny so much. He's her everything. She's his big sister, but he's done more for her than she feels like she can ever repay. But that's all over now. They're going to take him away.

Please, don't take her sunshine away.

There's a conversation happening around her, but she can't find it in herself to focus on the words. She can do nothing but stare at the photos in front of her, the colors swirling from the tears in her eyes. She wonders if she'll be able to keep one. Something real, not just her memories.

She's faintly aware of arms around her, of hands on her shoulders. She's being shaken, and the movement snaps her out of her stupor.

"...ri! Hey, earth to Mari!" It's Aubrey. Yes, of course. She needs to be lucid to face the consequences.

"Y-yes, I'm here," she replies, throat still tight. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, it's just--" She's cut off by the arms around her waist giving her a light squeeze. She realizes it's Sunny, belatedly.

"Mari, I think you're getting the wrong impression of me, here." Aubrey seems to be sheepish, of all things. At the same time, Basil is rolling up...a trash can?

What?

"You're like a big sister to me, Mari," Aubrey continues. As she speaks, she begins gathering up the photos. "I'd trust you with my life." The photos are thrown into the trash can, save for one. With her other hand, she pulls out a lighter, flicking it open.

"I just needed to make sure, is all."

Mari watches with wide eyes as the flame catches the photo, and it joins the rest of them in the bin.

Basil watches it all with a wistful smile. "Th-those were great photos. I'll miss them."

Mari feels like she's going to start crying again, but she doesn't. She puts on a relieved smile instead. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

Sunny places his chin on her shoulder, and they all watch the fire burn together.


The day's events have quite thoroughly exhausted her emotionally. Still, she has a tired smile on her face as she and Sunny walk back in to their home.

The door to their room isn't even finished closing before their hands are on one another.

Fear, worry, desperation. These are the emotions that travel between them, communicated without a single word. They were so close to being pulled apart, the two of them. And there's no guarantee that it won't happen again.

So, why not?

Their eyes meet, and again that unspoken question passes between the two of them.

Why live with any regrets?

The moment is slightly dampened by Mari fishing around in the drawer of the nightstand, tossing a box of condoms from it at Sunny's head.

"Ow."

But only slightly.


As she opens her eyes, consciousness comes with a sobering realization.

She's actually done it this time. She's had sex with her brother.

She's so fucked up. And yet...she doesn't feel nearly as bad about it as she'd expected to. There's some guilt, yes, but mostly she feels...contented. Her heart full in a way she'd desperately wanted. It's confusing, having these feelings of guilt and love be so thoroughly tied together.

She traces her fingers through Sunny's hair, just as purple as hers. Another thing that they share. She finds even that small shred of guilt fading away.


When did Sunny get taller than her? It feels like just yesterday that he was a head shorter. And yet, somehow he fits perfectly in her arms, like it's right where he belongs.

She loves him so much. She always loved him, of course, but it wasn't always like this. He was her little brother. She was his big sister. That was all it was, and yet...

She can't turn back anymore. It would have hurt before, certainly, to be separated from him, but she thinks she could have overcome it, gone back to normalcy. But now, it's forever out of her grasp. She wouldn't be able to be with anyone else without comparing them to Sunny, without wanting to say his name.

It's fucked up. But maybe that's okay. Right?

She's brought out of her thoughts as she notices Sunny begin to stir, lazily blinking the sleep from his eyes. He's quite a sight, with his hair sticking up every which way. She smiles at him.

Why would she want to go back, anyways?

"Good morning, sunshine."


(Omake)

Sunny pokes Mari to get her attention. With a knife, but it's only a flesh wound. "HEY MARI."

Mari turns her head hard enough for the snap of bone to be audible. Everything is fine. "YES MY ADORABLE PURE CINNAMON ROLL WHO CAN DO NO WRONG?"

"ROCK BAND."

Mari grabs him by the face. "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE THE BEST IDEAS?"

Meanwhile, the rest of the gang are faffing about in their usual hangout place. Even Hero is there.

"I wonder when I'll become relevant," Hero says to no one in particular.

This line of thought turns out to be as irrelevant as rest of Hero, as a golf cart traveling at Mach 3 screeches to a stop next to them. The grass is on fire.

"GET IN LOSERS WE'RE DOING ROCK BAND." Mari screeches, elongating her arms to grab the rest of the group and pull them to her chest, where they belong. Yes, definitely. Sunny hits the gas.

And so the band is formed. Mari slams her keys on the keyboard. Sunny shreds the everliving hell out of an electric violin. Aubrey rocks out on the guitar. Kel beatboxes his little heart out. Basil sings like an angel. And there's someone else on bass guitar, too, can't quite remember his name. It's a chaotic disaster, and somehow it's beautiful. In the way a car crash in slow motion is, at least.

"AND THAT IS WHY A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY BROTHER IS OKAY FUCK YOU MOM." Mari flips the keyboard for good measure.

Hero's head snaps to the side. "Wait, what the fuck?"

ROCK END


Deep down, Mari is filled with anxiety. She just knows that the other shoe is watching, waiting for the perfect moment to drop, to tear away the happiness she's managed to find.

The more days that pass, the more she begins to believe that it might not happen. Still, better to be prepared for the worst. She doesn't want to get caught off-guard like that, not ever again.

She wonders how Sunny does it. He's confessed worries to her, of course. But it's always about the idea of losing her, or her not reciprocating what he feels. When it comes to the prospect of being caught, he's surprisingly at peace with it.

"We'll run," he says, as if it's the simplest thing in the world. "Doesn't matter. Not if you're with me."

She thinks that perhaps he's naive, or overly optimistic. But there's another part of her that wants to believe him, that it really is that simple.

She hopes she never has to find out which part of her wins out.


The two of them lay back in the backyard, eyes fixed on the stars. They aren't supposed to be out here this late, but, well. There's a lot of things they shouldn't be doing.

There's been something hanging above Mari's head, something she, truthfully, hasn't wanted to think about. No time like the present, she supposes.

"Hey, Sunny?"

He doesn't turn to look at her, but he makes a light hum to indicate that he's listening. That hasn't changed, at least.

"I got my college acceptance letter."

It's silent for a while, save for the buzzing of cicadas.

"Yeah," he finally answers.

Mari huffs a bit in mock anger. Figures. She gives him a bit of a shove. "It's taken me a week to tell you that, come on!"

Sunny shrugs, passive as ever. "No helping it. You have to go."

Mari lets her irritation show for just a bit longer, before she looks up at the stars again. "Will you be okay?"

Of course, only after she's turned back to looking at the stars does he turn to look at her. "Not a kid anymore. I can handle it."

For that, Mari pokes him on the nose. "We're both still kids, silly."

That gets a smile from him. They're looking at each other, now. He holds out his hand, and she takes it automatically.

"Will you? Be okay, I mean."

Mari smiles back, her other hand pulling up the chain of her necklace. "Why not? I've got you right here, don't I?"

One more summer, before they'll have to spend some time apart. Better make the most of it.


It's a beautiful day in Faraway, which means it's the perfect time for a picnic. Mari sits on the blanket, enjoying the ambiance of her friends. Sometimes, that's all she needs to improve her mood.

The ambiance, however, is soon interrupted by a faint jingle...

A very familiar jingle...

Mari's eyes widen as she recognizes it. The ice cream truck. The one that gives the first ice cream free.

Kel acts first, booking it as fast as he can towards it, with Aubrey right behind him, not wanting to wait behind him in line. Basil follows a distance away, already out of breath, and the ensemble is trailed by an increasingly exasperated Hero.

Mari would get some ice cream herself, of course. Unfortunately, she jostled her bad knee on the walk over here, and she really doesn't like the idea of walking on it right now.

She really wants that ice cream, though.

It catches her by surprise when she notices Sunny off to her side, scrutinizing her with his typical blank expression.

"Oh, Sunny! Didn't you want to get ice cream?"

Rather than speak, he points a finger in her direction. She gets the intent after a moment.

"Oh, me? No, I'll be okay! I'm comfortable right here, and probably shouldn't be eating sweets anyWAYS--"

Mari is cut off by Sunny picking her up in none other than a bridal carry. No escaping the symbolism there. She feels her face rapidly flush, and words fail her for a second or two in favor of some sort of high-pitched noise that she'd rather not replicate. Is she really that light? Has Sunny gotten that much stronger? Both?

"S-Sunny!" she whisper-shouts, eyes darting to look all around them, "we're in public! Everyone's going to see!"

Sunny has the gall to look smug, even as he strains a bit to hold her steady. "Your knee is bad. You want ice cream. Not that weird."

Mari covers her face in mortification as she's carried to her destination. No one says a word about it, and somehow that's even more embarrassing.


She still wears the ring he got her, every day. The romantic in her wishes that she could wear it on her finger, but she knows that isn't possible. So she wears it on a chain, instead. Underneath her shirt, so that only she knows that it's there, usually. A comforting presence against her chest.

You could say it's a microcosm of their entire relationship, for better or worse. She feels that it's about time that she returns the favor.

She waits until the two of them are alone before she places the box in his hands. She watches as confusion gives way to comprehension on his face. His eyes dart to look towards her, then back to the box, then back to her. She laughs and ruffles his hair. "Open it! I know how much you like boxes, but the gift is what's inside!"

He practically tears it open to see what lies within. She savors the look on his face as he slowly pulls out a necklace. Silver, just like hers. Upon it is a small pendant depicting the sun. The front is smooth, elegant in its simplicity. The back, however, is engraved.

'The light of my life'

She watches his eyes read the inscription twice, three times. His mouth opens to speak, only to come up empty. He closes it, swallows, opens it again.

"I..."

When he looks up at her again, there's tears brimming in his eyes. She pulls him into a hug, one he gladly reciprocates.

"Thank you," he chokes out.


Sunny was very intent on showing Mari how much he loves his gift. He was certainly patient about it, waiting until the next night they were alone. Perhaps that should have been a sign of things to come.

She's never felt anything like this before. She never considered herself much of a sexual being, after all. The intimacy was what she really craved.

So it's an entirely new experience when Sunny brings her up to the edge and over it, again and again. She feels as if she's coming apart at the seams, everything that she is lain bare for him to see. He slowly puts her back together, only to pull her apart again. It's maddening. It's humiliating.

She thinks she loves it.

He hasn't even gotten off yet, so focused on her as he is. And the small part of her that hasn't been reduced to a trembling, overstimulated wreck decides that just won't do.

"S-Sunny, please," she manages to say between labored breathes, tears running down her face.

As always, he doesn't keep her waiting long.


Tonight, Mari dreams.

It's a nice dream, though she's only able to retain bits and pieces. Pastel colors, flowers, laughter. It makes her feel warm inside.

Sunny's there, of course. He's as purple as his hair. When Mari looks in a mirror, she realizes that she is too.

He smiles, really smiles. She knows that he's always had concerns about being understood, his emotions being so difficult to read. Seeing him beam like that, she can't help but smile, too.

She hopes that she has this dream again.


Sunny wears his new necklace without a hint of shame. Whenever he gets asked about it, he answers honestly: that Mari got it for him.

Does no one find it strange? Nobody seems to see anything out of the ordinary. It's not as if it's unusual, for family to gift jewelry to one another. Perhaps it's just the paranoia, her knowledge of what it really represents making her worry.

Still, it fills her with a sense of longing. She wants that too, that honesty.

Plus, she wants to tease him a bit. Who wouldn't?

And so that's why she leans down and whispers to him.

"Once I'm at college, I'll wear this ring on my finger."

His blush doesn't stop at his ears.


Not every day is a good day for her.

She looks at her face in the mirror. What an ugly expression she has there. It's the same as her mother's when she's upset, and that hurts her in a way that she doesn't fully understand.

She mentally scolds her reflection for all of her mistakes. She starts with the small ones. That note she missed when she last played, though she was able to let it go at the time. The times she's lost control and lashed out at her mother. Only then does she get into the meat of things. Loving her brother. Lusting after her brother, what is wrong with her? She should have been stronger, more responsible. She could have rebuffed his advances, she's sure she could have. It would've hurt for the both of them, but they would've moved on, been happy.

Right?

Only when her reflection looks sufficiently penitent does she stop. She goes back into her room, cuddles up with someone she shouldn't, and the angry static in her mind fades into white noise.


She wishes that this guilt would leave her. And yet, no matter how she reasons it to herself, it comes to eat away at her, even now. Sunny hugs her head to his chest, comforting her as best he can. She can hear his heartbeat.

He's always taking care of her.

(They take care of each other, he says.)

She's sick. She's an awful sister.

(They're both sick, then. He's an even worse brother, for instigating such things.)

She's sorry that she's like this.

(He's sorry that he's the same.)

Eventually, she runs out of things to hate about herself. Replacing it is a sense of relief. She can feel dampness at the top of her head, and she hugs him tighter.

She loves him.

(He loves her, too.)


After she'd spent the entirety of the previous day plagued with guilt, it comes as a surprise when she wakes up and feels remarkably better. Frankly, she'd expected to feel awful for a few days, maybe even a week. Maybe it's genuinely getting easier for her? She isn't sure, but she's glad for the reprieve either way.

She belatedly realizes that she's quite thoroughly pinned between Sunny's arms, hugged even tighter than usual. He must've been so worried about her.

She takes a peek at the clock. About 8:30. Perfect time to wake up, right? "Sunny?"

No response. She figured as much. Her arms are pinned to her sides, so....

"Suuuuuuuunny," she draws out, before placing a kiss on his forehead. "Good morning."

He's dead to the world. How late was he up last night? Well, there's nothing left to do but pull out the big guns. With a mischievous smirk, she leans forward to his forehead again, only to blow a raspberry against it.

It takes a moment for him to recoil, loosening his grip in the process. Success! "Maaaaaari," he groans as he rubs the sleep from his eyes.

Mari can't help but sound a bit smug. "Well, I had to get you up somehow!"

He buries his face in his pillow. "Mmh. No school. Wanna sleep." He lays there for a moment before something seems to click in his head, and he leans back up to look at her. "Are you...feeling better?"

Mari grins at him. "Good as new. Want to come help me make breakfast?"


They have the house to themselves, their parents once again not being present due to work. Mari used be be disappointed when their parents were missing, like the house was emptier than it should be. Nowadays, though, she relishes every moment she doesn't have to worry about them.

How her priorities have changed, she muses.

Sunny spends his time hugging Mari from behind as she works, occasionally breaking off to perform tasks at her request. He's able to place his chin on her shoulder now, something he wasn't tall enough to be able to do in the past. She finds that she quite likes it.

It's the moments like this, quiet and intimate, that she holds particularly close to her heart. She hopes to have even more memories like this one day, free and without worry about things like discovery.

Maybe it's a foolish dream, but it's hers.


Mari feels great, actually. Breakfast alone with Sunny, spending time with him, their friends. It's the sort of day that she couldn't ask anything more from.

Which, of course, means that their mother is waiting for them when they return.

There's no wine glass in sight this time. She folds her hands together as they enter, and Mari doesn't like the way she looks at the two of them.

Oh no.

"Sunny," their mother says, voice brimming with authority, "go to your room. Mari, we need to talk."

Sunny plants his feet stubbornly. He meets their mother's glare with his own, and Mari wishes she knew how he does it.

Mari places a hand on Sunny's head, trying to keep the air of the room lighthearted. "It's okay, Sunny. Once the two of us are done talking, I'll be right up."

Sunny looks at their mother again, and then back to Mari. She can see the conflict brimming in his expression. Eventually, though, his shoulders sink in acquiescence. With one last glance, he makes his way upstairs. Mari waves, a smile on her face that she doesn't feel.

The sound of the door closing is like the fall of a gavel.

Mari takes a seat across from her mother, and she braces herself.


Mari and her mother sit across from each other, equally as closed off. Sizing each other up. Waiting for the other to speak, perhaps, but Mari certainly isn't eager to break the silence.

Truthfully, she thought she'd be more scared. Oh, and she is scared, don't get her wrong. She can hear her heartbeat in her ears. And yet, the familiar press of silver at her sternum grounds her, allowing her to take hold of that fear and hone it, sharpen it into something to defend herself with.

Their future may very well depend on what happens right here, right now. She can't afford to be any less than perfect, now more than any other time.

Her mother, in lieu of beginning the conversation, instead places something onto the table between them. An empty box of condoms.

That bitch.

"Digging through the garbage?" Mari asks, a thin lace of venom in her tone. She's not going to be kept on the defensive, not this time.

"It doesn't matter how I got it!" she snaps in return, much more blatant in its vitriol. "I know that the only person in this household that could be using them is Sunny." She places her hand flat on the table. "So, who is he sleeping with here, Mari, often enough to use this entire box?"

She says it like a gotcha, as if she's backed into a corner. Mari stands firm. "It's not my responsibility to keep tabs on his love live, mother."

"Oh, but you two share a room! Surely you must have seen something, particularly with all of the time you two spend together. And that's not to mention the hair dye, the jewelry, and so on. You two are awfully close, even for siblings."

Mari keeps her tone even. "What are you implying?"

Her hand slams on the table, and Mari can barely suppress the flinch. "You know exactly what I'm saying, Mari!"

A phrase Sunny used passes through her mind. "Do I? Then say it." She meets her mother's eyes and refuses to show a trace of fear. "Say what you're accusing me of."

Her mother hesitates.


Mari stares at her mother. Urging her, daring her to say it out loud. To finally put the accusation out in the open, rather than hiding behind passive-aggression.

Mari feels a twinge of disappointment when her mother looks away first, eyes locked down on the table.

"Please, Mari, just...give me a name. Anyone." There's no more anger in her voice, only exhaustion. "Otherwise...otherwise I'll have to assume..."

Mari feels a twinge of guilt, but she shoves the feeling back down. She can't afford to show weakness, not right now.

Her mother continues, not once looking up at her. "I...I really hoped that I'd never have to have this conversation. That you two would grow apart on your own, find proper people to love. You and that Henry boy always seemed to be cute together, and that Aubrey clearly saw something in Sunny." She sighs, weary in a way Mari's never seen in her before. "But...that never happened. If anything, the two of you only grew closer."

She looks up at Mari then, with tears in her eyes. Mari feels her throat tighten, no words able to escape it.

"Is this my fault, Mari? Did I push the two of you too hard? Hard enough that the two of you...?"

Mari doesn't think that's true. And yet...the more she thinks about it, the more she realizes that she can't quite refute it, either. She always did push the two of them, that much is true. Sometimes, it felt like Sunny was the only thing she had keeping her upright. Maybe she really did...?

Mari feels sick to her stomach.


Her mother is waiting for an answer from her.

"I...don't know," Mari admits. "I never...never really thought about why. He just...he needed me. I think I needed him, too." The phantom itch of piano keys brush at her fingertips.

"Mari, you know that you can't do this," her mother pleads. "You're going off to college soon, Mari. You can find a nice boy there, Sunny can find someone nice here, and--and we can be a normal family. Not...this."

She considers it. She really does consider it. She's being offered a way out. She could be free from the guilt, have a normal life. She might even be happy.

But is that what she wants?

No, not really. It's just another thing wanted for her. And she's so, so sick of that.

Mari can feel the tension in her jaw as she looks back up to her mother's eyes.

"No. No, I'm not going to do that. And do you want to know why?" Mari finds herself getting up from her chair, looking down at her mother. "Because that isn't what I want. That isn't what Sunny wants. That's what you want, Mom. And you pushing what you want on us damn well might've caused this to begin with!" Her voice is growing louder and louder, shouting years of tension back into her mother's face. "Yes, what we have might be messed up! But we're happy, Mom!" Her vision's growing blurry, and it takes her a moment to register that it's because there's tears in her eyes. "I--I know we're not supposed to be. I know I might be a monster. But...I can't let him go. I can't do that to him." She blinks her tears away, so that she can look her mother in the eye again. "So...if you call...whoever you're supposed to call about this situation, then...I get it. But leave Sunny out of it. That's all I ask."

The room is dead silent for a moment. Two.

"I see," her mother replies, before she gets up and leaves the room.

The tension leaves Mari's body, and it's all she can do to make her way up the stairs.


Sunny backs away from the door as Mari opens it. He was listening, of course.

"She knows," he says. It's not a question.

Mari sighs wearily, absolutely drained from the conversation. "She knows," she confirms.

"Fuck."

That manages to pull a smile from her, bittersweet as it is. "Hey, you're not supposed to swear. You're supposed to be cute and innocent forever."

"Fuck," he repeats, more emphatically this time.

Mari closes the door behind her, and she takes a seat on the floor next to Sunny. He holds out a hand, and she takes it.

"What now?" he asks, after a while.

"I don't know," she admits. "We'll be separated, at the very least. I might go to prison, maybe? I...honestly never wanted to think about this."

Sunny nods once in apparent understanding, before he gets to his feet. Mari watches him curiously as he begins riffling through the closet, before eventually pulling out a suitcase.

"Sunny?" she asks, not understanding. "What are you doing?"

"Packing up. We're running, right?"

Mari almost wants to laugh at the idea, save for Sunny being completely serious about it. "No, Sunny. They aren't going to be punishing you at all, I promise. You'll be just fine."

Sunny shakes his head. "No. Can't let it happen to you."

"Sunny, I know this is hard, but I promise, it's all going to be--"

"No!" he interrupts, looking back over to where she's sitting. "No, you can't say that. You can't say everything's going to be okay. Not when you're just...giving up."

"Sunny..."

Sunny frustratedly throws a handful of clothes into his suitcase. "Don't...don't you want to fight for this, Mari?"

"Of course I do!" she responds, getting to her feet as well. "But Sunny, I can't let you ruin your life! Not more than I already have!"

Sunny turns to face her fully, angry in a way she's only rarely seen. "You didn't ruin my life! You--you saved it! A-and now--

Before Sunny can finish, a knock on the door attracts both of their attentions.


After a moment, the door slowly opens to reveal their mother again. All three of them take a moment to just look at each other silently. Not awkward at all. She looks down towards the suitcase, then back up to Sunny. He doesn't budge.

Their mother sighs, then, rubbing at her face with her hand. "If I just ask nicely for the two of you to stop doing...what you've been doing, would you even listen to me?"

Mari and Sunny glance at one another.

"No," replies two voices in unison.

"Guessed as much." She pinches the bridge of her nose. "I'll be honest with the two of you. What you two are doing makes me sick to my stomach to think about. It isn't okay. It's never going to be okay."

Silence.

"But," she continues, "I also don't want to see my children hurt, or publicly ostracized, or driven to run away." She glances at the suitcase again. "I don't want to be the one to cause that. Plus, I may...feel as if I bear some responsibility, in...this developing in the first place."

Mari and Sunny are both staring at their mother, uncomprehending.

"So, this is how it's going to be." She raises a finger. "The moment the word is out on the two of you? There's no protecting you anymore. No one can know. Not your father, no one." She raises a second finger. "The two of you, you won't do any of this under my roof. I won't be having it here. Once you have your own place to stay? I don't care." Third finger. "Use fucking protection. Every time. You two understand?"

They both nod their heads dumbly.

"Great," says their mother, in a way that says things are very much not great. "I'm getting a drink. Please just...don't bother me for a while."

Their mother leaves, and the room stays silent for several moments.

"Did...that just happen?"

"Yeah."

"Huh."


For the rest of the summer, the two of them behave themselves, more or less. Not quite to the levels of a normal sibling relationship, but restrained from the more intimate acts they might partake in.

Then, all too soon, it's time.

It's a surreal sight to her, seeing so many of her belongings gone from her room, all of it packed into her car. Sunny stands next to her, seeming just as disconcerted as she is.

"So. I guess it's time, huh?" she says.

Sunny wraps his arms around her before she can even offer. After a moment, she returns the hug.

"I'm not going to be gone forever. I'll come back whenever I'm on break, every time." Mari finds her voice choking up, even so.

"Yeah," he mumbles weakly, the word muffled by her shirt.

They hold each other for a long time.

"Hey," Mari says after a while, "I bet I know how I can cheer you up."

"Impossible," he grumbles, a defiant edge in his voice.

"Come on, don't be so stubborn!" she teases. It's a bit tricky to manage with arms around her, but she manages to remove the chain around her neck.

Sunny watches with wide eyes as Mari slides the ring on that chain onto her finger. His ears go pink, and Mari can't help but laugh.

Eventually, they can't delay any longer. Mari's already exchanged her heartfelt goodbyes and see-you-laters with her friends. All that's left for her to do is to leave.

Her parents are there to see her off. She gives both of them a hug, sincere even despite everything.

If either of them notice the silver band on her finger, they don't say anything.

Sunny gets one more hug, longer than the others, and then...

She hesitates at the door to her car before she opens it. But then, she knows she can't hesitate any longer.

She waves at the three of them as she leaves, tears in her eyes.

It's not going to be an easy adjustment for her to make. But it isn't forever. The shine of metal on her finger promises her that much.

It's not as scary as she thinks.


The thing that surprises Mari the most is how familiar it all feels. She'd considered, even worried, that she or Sunny might have ended up changing too much. And yet, when she holds him in her arms, everything feels the same as it always has.

It's been three years. Sunny's starting his first year in college, the same one Mari is going to. Mari's been renting a place nearby for the past while. Of course it would make sense for them to be roommates, it's only economical. She even has an internship already set up in the same city, one that will become a full-time job once she graduates, so Sunny won't have to find another place to stay.

A happy string of coincidences, to those unaware that this was planned years ahead of time.

Sunny's a head taller than Mari, now. She couldn't be happier about it, particularly when she pats him on the head, and he becomes the exact same Sunny he's always been.

On the couch, in what can only be loosely called a living room, Mewo lays on Sunny, and Sunny lays on Mari. Some movie is playing on the TV, but Sunny clearly wasn't captured enough with it to stay awake. Mari cards her fingers through his hair, like she always does. It's become black once more, with only a single purple lock signifying that it had ever been any different.

Mari catches the silver of her ring through his hair, and she smiles.

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Pub: 17 Dec 2021 09:41 UTC
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