Before you read

this rentry contains SH,Depression,bad words and strong words

if any of this triggers you, stop reading and turn back immediately.

i'd like to specify that i'm not going to add any photos of this experience. Not because i want to make people see what happened, just because i dont have to justify anything. if you dont believe anything i say here, then its your problem. There will be some non-direct forum of the subject, so as not to trigger someone

Appreciations moment

i'd like to thank my Brothers, That encouraged me to make this rentry and to talk with people about this thing: Alessandro, Francesco and Anastasia. I deeply love you.
And my friends, that support me everyday with everything. I LOVE YOU ALL.

Presentations

hi, i'm Mati, but you already know that. I'm an Italian language student,And a 17-year-old girl.
In this rentry is a bit different from all the others i make,because this is going to be a "vent" rentry,to spread informations and to help people that are in a bad situation.

Everything started in the 2021.

after the Covid-19 Quarantine. i was a normal 13 years old girl with good friends,straight A's in all the subjects (in italy 10) and a lovely family..Atleast its what i thought.

The drop that broke the camel's back.

we were a numerous family, 4 children: 2 boys and 2 girls.
Suddenly, on the 17/02, our parents got divorced. All my siblings decided to stay with my father,even if he left us first, while i couldnt decide. My mother decided that i had to stay with her because i'm the most "successful" child. My brothers started to hate me for a period of our lives because of what our mother said (everything is alright now). That made me hate myself, it lowered my self-esteem and i started to think that i was the problem, i was the cause of my parents divorce.

The acts.

after that, i started to distance all my friends from me, thinkinh that i would have hurt them. My grades fell,and i almost failed two years. in those years,i Learned that my mother was already cheating on my father, and she had another man with a kid, that are currently my Step-father and Step-brother,which prefered over me. Ever since they moved in with me and my mother, she started to make me do everything in the house and around, blaming me for random things. She lost something? Mat's fault. Step-brother is crying for school or something else? Mati's fault. Someone dies? Matilde's fault.

thats when all the Eternal cries and Self harm started.

I will not put the photo.

Solutions.

my mental health was slowly fucking itself. I started to blame myself like my mother did,slowly giving up to everything, i even started to hate volleyball and iceskating. When my step-father noticed all my scares and shi, They carried me to an Hospital,in the psych ward. When my siblings and my father got the news, once a month they did 8 hours of train to visit me,they apologised. My mother never visited me, thinking that i was just being dramatic.

after 9 months of mental rehabilitation, i came back home. i was feeling better,i went to my father's house once in two months for two weeks, like now.

CONCLUSION. WHAT I WANT TO MAKE YOU, READER, UNDERSTAND.

For all the people that are going through this situation: NEVER GIVE UP, never give up to hope. TALK ABOUT IT WITH SOMEONE. remember.. its not your fault.

stay safe, remember that there is always someone that is with you.
You're strong. You're incredible. You're sweet. You're trying with all your energy to make your dreams come true. But, you're still someone with a heart and a soul.

Love

-Mati ❤

Edit

Pub: 10 Mar 2024 12:03 UTC

Edit: 09 Jun 2024 09:46 UTC

Views: 753