Forgotten Memories
I don't remember what my childhood was like,
I don't remember the faces or names of who were my friends,
I don't remember the good and bad times,
I really cannot remember those days...
Each passing year, a past year is being forgotten;
Time passes so fast,
That it's almost like if my life were to flash right before my eyes
As if this life is but all one big memory as I take my last breaths...
I don't remember what I ate yesterday,
I don't remember how to do simple algebra,
I don't remember what the color of your coat is,
I don't remember who I am...
Each day is a struggle to remember,
Losing myself as I keep forgetting;
Each day I become someone more distant than who I was before,
And it is scary to see that as a fact...
Watch me forget about my homework that was due yesterday,
Over five pages worth of something all forgotten to be done
All shoved somewhere deep in the back of my mind,
And where I last put them
Where am I?
Why am I here?
How did this all happen?
When did this all start?
Who... am I..?
It's a miracle I still remember some,
It's a miracle I still remember certain people other than my family,
It's a miracle I still remember my best friends from middle school,
Either because I'm emotionally attached to that time period,
Or because I regret certain choices that prevent me from moving on
Math?
I've never been good at, no not at all--
English?
I can't type properly without the constant assistance of auto-correct;
Even though I've been called an excellent writer, I forget my words after a while
When did my memory start to fail..?
I don't remember anything from the age of eleven and under,
A very large memory gap sits on my mind,
And each time I try to figure it out,
It causes me to breakdown and suffer in constant migraines
Memories blocked,
I want to know what happened,
I want to find the reason behind this,
I want to figure this mystery puzzle out...
Even good memories are gone,
Good, bad; scary and comforting memories...
Each of those memories are gone,
I'm afraid I'll forget everything soon...
Including you guys...
Each day is a constant struggle to find a reason to keep going,
Those pills aren't doing anything anymore;
ADD? I think not--
It inflicts anxiety, I cannot focus very well and my heart races faster than my thoughts process
Each day is a constant pain
Getting blamed on and scolded for things I forgot to do,
"Stop making things up, it's all in your head!"
Do you really not see me struggle?
I constantly forget that I am not okay,
And each time I do something that triggers me,
I tend to breakdown into a hysteric mania state
And I then I forget a few hours-- or even minutes-- later...
I don't want to forget you all,
I don't want to lose you all,
I don't want to leave you all,
I don't want to...
Why am I like this..?
I can never find the right words for this--
Nor can I find the right words for my behavior,
It's all self destructive the way I cause myself to forcefully remember things
Saying I could care less about things
Things that do mean something to me,
Is only a way to get you to answer what I want to hear,
That way I can remember what I need...
I don't know who I am anymore--
I don't know why I am here anymore--
I don't know when did this all start--
I don't know where it all started--
I don't know how it all started...
I don't remember,
I really don't--
These moments are going to be forgotten soon,
And become nothing more than forgotten memories.
Written by: eLIE | Forgotten Memories | 8/31/2023 | Back to main page --> https://rentry.co/eLIE000