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What To Do When Docks Turns Into Fight Club

Alt Tag authors note This essay is meant to be for those younger than me who might have trouble reading the more than ten page essay I put out before this. It's not exclusively for a younger audience but when I was first writing this essay last week it was mostly people younger than me engaging in conflict.. This also is specified to casual conflict that starts and plays out at docks, which usually doesn't have as many personal ties as the conflict discussed in my original essay. I'm writing this essay because it's exhausting wanting to say something to people as this kind of stuff goes down and not have the tools to do so. Every time this shit happens now, I'm just going to whisper people the link to this. I've never written something meant to be directed at those younger than me before. Also, if you're older and you're reading this, please be kind to those younger than you. They're trying they're best in an already confusing world. Warning for: Spoilers for Dragon Ball Z, slight mentions of death threats, and of course the topic of arguments in general.

Introduction

Hey, guys! it's Filipino-American Gohan here. Today we're going to be looking over what to do when Docks has Conflict going on.
Let's try visualizing the situation for a second.
You're just hopping onto Ponytown one day, sitting at docks and you see a bunch of people crowding in a specific area.

You're ask yourself:

"What's all this fuss about?"

And then read the text bubbles and see messages like:

"I don't GIVE A RATS ASS! furries are MEAN TO ME, told me they HATE MY MOM, and I HATE THEM"
"You can't say you're more goated than Christ the Lord that's disrespectful."
"Based on your patreon I think you stink bad (read one paragraph)"
"lets start a shame circle guys!"
"This person stole the skins of my regiment, like literally, and they're wearing it!! someone help!! call 911!"
"I would just like to say thank you guys for helping me shame this other child online because they said something meant to me 5 seconds ago and I don't even know them, but it was really fucked up. They called me ugly or something? idk but thank you guys!!"
"You're not part of the black community anymore" (This is actually something I saw someone say to another child at docks. It was horribly distressing for me to know this was actually said to someone.)
"KEEP YOURSELF SAFE!!!"

Sure, Some of these are a bit exaggerated, but, based on true stories. If you were there you know.
It seems like docks gets into an argument 2 times a month and that's if we're lucky, that is.
These situations can be chaotic and hard to navigate. We get is worked up, we get frustrated at others.

"Why can't they just understand??"

Most of the time we walk away from these conflicts and it feels like no one "wins". Sometimes it can even feel like we try so hard to "win" but end up more hurt than those we go against. It's kind of like when Vegeta blew himself up in an attempt to kill Majin Buu and Vegeta fucking died but Majin Buu immediately re-materialized afterwards and went about his day.
Alt Tag Today, I hope to try and tell you guys my insight on what exactly to do in these situations, as someone who's been around the internet for a longgg time. I think these methods should help prevent you and your peers from getting hurt.

Remember, if you've been involved in this kind of stuff before don't feel bad about it. While it's natural to feel embarrassed when you do something you regret, know that you don't have to be. As I like to say, we don't pop out of our moms knowing everything! We're all in this world to try and learn together. Don't use this as a vehicle to shame yourself when we should be out here trying to unlearn shame. Trust me, it makes the process of growing as a person a LOT easier.
Alt Tag Let's start that journey with learning a little more about our situation.

Harassment Online

In a survey done in 2010, teens who use social media reported about how often they've seen people joining in on harassment online. These were the results of the survey:

• 67% of teens using social media have witnessed others joining in the harassment they have seen. Teens are more likely to say they see joining in “once in a while” (24%) or “sometimes” (23%), than they are to report seeing it frequently (19%).
• 21% of teens using social media have witnessed online cruelty say they have joined in. Most of these teens (12%) say they have joined in the mean behavior only “once in a while,” 7% say “sometimes” and 2% say they have done it “frequently.”

(Lenhart, A., Madden, M., Smith, A., Purcell, K., Zickuhr, K., & Rainie, L. 2011, November 9)

67% is MORE THAN HALF of teens who were using the internet back then! Some of you guys weren't even born yet at that time!
Can you imagine how much that statistic has changed over 14 years? Most likely not a decrease, that's for sure.
Considering the Andrew Tate's of the world, the rise of controversy video essays, and bigoted beliefs being put on loud speaker by algorithms. While none of that may seem directly related to how we behave, those events have effected the over all social norms we have on the internet.

I start off these essays with those statistics on harassment because I want to bring to peoples attention how common this is and how alarming.
While many docks arguments don't always constitute as harassment, they are displays of hostile behavior carelessly targeted. When we act hostile that way to just anyone who upsets us, we slowly normalize that behavior not only for ourselves but others as well. Kind of like how when the other Sayians came to earth they thought it was a good idea to just kill everyone because that's just what things were like back in Vegeta's day
Alt Tag and then Vegeta got his ass kicked with that mindset. Take with that what you will.
Jesus Christ there's a lot of Vegeta getting owned in this rentry.
(For reference on any of that paragraph, read almost any article on normalization. There's a good one I found but it has nothing to do with this conversation so I don't feel the need to put it here, perhaps someday.)

And, personally, I don't think we should be normalizing that behavior when it causes distress for everyone involved and often solves nothing (we'll get to specifics on that later). You also never know when that behavior can bounce back and effect you one day. If we normalize being out to get our peers, who's to say they won't be out to get you? What? You think you're free from it because obviously you'd never do something crazy like those other people do?
Even if that were true (which it's very unlikely) what we consider acceptable is constantly changing.
Remember when people were upset about touch triggers and every fucking week at docks someone would be like:

I hate when people say they have touch triggers! you're being disrespectful!!

While that still happens, now there's also people saying

Shut the fuck up, no one cares about your opinions on touch triggers! Stop being an asshole!

Or even yelling at their peers who voice the first opinion mentioned when several months ago it would have been the other way around. I'm not saying either of these people are right, that conversation is for another time that won't come.
My point is, at any time what you think is right can suddenly be considered wrong by the rest of your peers.
That doesn't necessarily mean that you're wrong or that they're wrong, it just means that the hostile behavior we've normalized is on you now. Sorry!

That is... unless
We stop normalizing that behavior.
But if we stop doing that, what do we do?
How do we deal with the people that can upset us on the daily, what do we do if we upset others?

Difference between conflict and "Docks Conflict™"

First, lets try and see what the difference is between Docks Conflict™ and other conflict, and how that difference effects our course of action.

In my other, longer, essay I talk about the importance of a lot of things. For this essay, I want you to throw many of those ideas completely out the window and forget I said them at all.
That essay discusses conflict involving people who know each other. Their information may be a bit vague, but the people involved who aren't personally affiliated with those in the conflict, know the person accused and the accuser by a name and basic information basis (pronouns, how long this has been happening, etc.).
THIS essay discusses conflict between people who have basically no idea who the other person is. No checking their bio does not count. Any information you received passively that was not part of a larger conflict is Docks Conflict™.
Conflict that starts at docks and usually stays at docks.

With Docks Conflict, there is not nearly the same amount personal investment that other conflicts have. We don't have nearly the same amount of information available in Docks Conflict. We don't have nearly the same amount of space for words in Docks Conflict.

Because of this, we need to keep those restrictions in mind and stop treating docks conflict like every other conflict.
I don't want this essay to be too long, again it's meant to be brief for accessibility reasons, so we're going to go through a short list of recommendations on what to do to avoid and prevent docks conflict

(Subway surfers intermission)
Alt Tag

Don't act on first impulse.

We can often feel the need to get involved in conflict on docks as soon as it starts to ramp up. Everyone's doing it so you feel the need to step in. You may feel like your voice needs to be heard in this, or that you need to stick up for something, or that you need to set straight whats wrong and whats right.

Try to stop yourself there.

Remember this conflict is a passing moment in all of your lives, most of you won't even remember it as anything other than distressing afterward. God knows I can't remember the last time conflict on docks was anything but distressing.

You'll see more reasons not to engage in Docks Conflict as this essay goes on. Just try to keep this fact in mind, that you will most likely be tempted to join in, I myself have experienced this. Try not to give into that temptation.
Alt Tag

If someone says something you don't like, don't debate them.

If someone tries to confront you about your beliefs, don't debate them.

As much as we may feel the urge to stand up for what we believe, Ponytown is isn't the place to articulate ideas like that. With such a limited word count you will never be able to have a productive conversation with someone in a Docks Conflict. Combine that with the fact conflict often attracts multiple people all trying to say and convince others of different things, the conversation ends up drowning in the mud.

The people you're trying to convince are also likely not in the place to take criticism. Everyone is on defense in Docks Conflict. Save your efforts for the time to have genuine conversations with people about your concerns.

Again, I myself have fallen victim to this mindset and still continue to trip up sometimes. You've got to accept you can't change everyone's mind. The people who will listen to you, will. those who won't, won't. Stop concerning yourself with how people you don't know conduct themselves.

Alt Tag

Stop feeling like you need to understand them or they need to understand you.

While understanding can be useful in other conflict, in docks conflicts understanding is near useless.
This is because the short amount of time you will interact with the people involved is no where near enough time for you or them to understand anything about the other side. You have so little information about this person that any understanding you could try to gain may be so far from the truth that it's counter productive.
As the saying goes "When you assume, you make an ass out of u and me.".

The only understanding you need to have in this situation is the same basic level understanding you would have with anyone else:
Everyone comes from different backgrounds, everyone has different experiences, everyone has different lives.
You don't and probobly never will understand why this one or few people think the way they do, you have no idea if they'll keep thinking the way they do, and honestly, you shouldn't care.
Trying to understand them any more than that will just get you exhausted.

It's a casual Docks Conflict, nothing they go on to do should effect you in any major way.
Alt Tag

Use the block button.

The block button is a wonderful feature on Ponytown. You can block peoples requests, you can block peoples chats, you can even hide them completely if you just want them out of your sight forever.
If someone upsets you that much, just block them.

For some inspo, here's how I use the block button:

Personally I almost never hide people completely, but that's only because I worry about sitting on someone I hard disagree with, without my knowledge.

  • I usually block the chat of people who are covering up things for me.
  • I usually block request of anyone using an nazi uniform or hitler related skins. It's like an FBI list of people I never want to associate with even if the change skins.
  • I also used block request of people who copyskins but just after taking the screenshot bellow removed the one person that was still there labeled as a copier. I do that because its easier for me to be sure about the reason I blocked someone.
    Alt Tag
    I'm only showing this because I doubt any of these people are online anymore, my list goes way back. I keep them blocked anyways because??? why wouldn't I.
    You don't need a reason to block someone at docks and keep them blocked!

That's just me though! I do avoid blocking people unless I really want to avoid them, but you can block as freely as you want.
Someone is a dick to you? block them.
Someone does something that upsets you? block them.
Out of sight out of mind.

Alt Tag

Don't try to convince people someone you don't know is the bad guy of this conflict.

Don't let others try to convince you someone you don't know is the bad guy of this conflict.

As much as we may dislike people who do stuff we consider shitty, that doesn't mean we can always label them as shitty people.
Labeling people as shitty does nothing in conflict. You don't know who this person is, you don't know how much they are or are not an asshole outside of this.
Trying to label them as one due to your one off experience helps no one and informs no one.
I know that sometimes people see it as "making people aware" but when you don't have a clear idea of who this person is in the first place, you're making people "aware" based off a shallow interpretation of something they've said or done at docks.
"Making people aware" that way only turns into fear mongering.
(I also go more in depth on how labeling someone as shitty does not aid in their growth in my other essay.)

Not to mention, crazy allegations get thrown all over the place once people get upset at someone, whether it's relevant or not, whether it's even close to the truth or not.
Just because someone does one thing to piss you off, doesn't mean you go looking for more ways they could piss you off.

I see a lot of people go out there and start throwing serious allegations against someone on a whim, and everyone just goes along with it because they want to feel like they're on the right side of the conflict. Be more critical about what people tell you.

Alt Tag

Don't instigate people.

Instigating someone in this case is purposefully trying to make someone upset to get a reaction out of them.
Don't say things that are meant to belittle people you don't know.
Being unnecessarily rude to people almost never changes their mind. It will probobly cement your opinion as the bad one to them, even if you're sure of your own opinion's solid ground.

Feeling anger is natural but taking that anger out on others directly is not the solution.

Alt Tag

conclusion

Docks Conflict will most likely not be ending any time soon, but that's why learning this stuff is important! If it's going to happen anyways, you might as well not be the one in harms way.

Sticking up for what you believe isn't bad, wanting a safe space isn't bad, and wanting others to understand your opinions isn't bad. All of those are good actually! The problem is, those wants can't be satisfied by a random argument played out on an online game. Again, if you've done this kind of thing or even still see yourself falling into these habits now, don't feel bad about it. I go through this too, I've said dumb shit, sometimes I still say dumb shit. Trying to learn is full of failing, failing again, and failing yet again. What matters is we keep working toward our goals! And personally I'd say it's been working well for me, the only time I feel very tempted to join in on a conflict is to try and stop it, but eventually I got so tired I wanted to put down the sword, only picking it up one last time for this essay.

If I was going to ask one thing of you, please don't undermine the fact most of you are kids. I know I say this again and again, but I don't think you guys get how much you change as you grow up. The kids you're mad at today will not be the same people in a month, for better or for worse, you don't know.
Try to get the best for yourself first.
You are the only person you have the most control over, if not complete control over.

Your main goal should always be changing yourself first. No one ever said you can't focus on two things at once,
just try to set priorities for you, yeah?

Good luck out there, kid! You're gonna need it.

Alt Tag Basic kindness to your peers, and if possible, more!
Joy is better than hate any day.

Ending Authors Note It took everything in me not to actually larp as Gohan at the start. It was SO temping but I wanted to keep this a decent amount of serious. It was easier going forward because eventually I completely forgot about Gohan being related to this. I picked Gohan as a passive mascot because Gohan is a guy all about mercy, and that fit the vibe yk? I'll have more formal essays coming out soon, but I needed to get one little mini "essay" out, if it can even be called that. My next major essay will probobly be about media literacy, but that might be a long time coming. I'll probobly post a lot of smaller simple essays like this one before that next big one comes out, there's a lot of stuff I care about that doesn't need a big ten or more page count.
ALSO I GOT SO TIRED DURING THIS if you're reading this note and it's not removed or edited, it means I haven't proof read this yet. I just wanted to get this out there because GOD as of writing this there's been 3 bullshit conflicts on docks within the last 3 days and my stupid ass tried to get two sentences in the last one when I knew damn well that it wasn't worth the energy.

References

  1. Lenhart, A., Madden, M., Smith, A., Purcell, K., Zickuhr, K., & Rainie, L. (2011, November 9). Teens, kindness and cruelty on social network sites: How american teens navigate the new world of “Digital citizenship”. Pew Internet & American Life Project. https://eric.ed.gov/?id=ED537516

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Pub: 19 Jul 2024 08:45 UTC

Edit: 02 Aug 2024 19:26 UTC

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