Trump Doctrine in Gaza Resort: From Missiles to Margaritas

By Alan Nafzger
— Bohiney Magazine

Introduction: Trump Doctrine Becomes Reality

The Trump Doctrine once sounded like satire itself — a soundbite about replacing bombs with beachfront bars. Yet in 2036, the Gaza Strip stands as a living billboard for this philosophy. For the official doctrine in full, you can read it at https://bohiney.com/trump-doctrine/
, where Trump’s principle is laid out in plain words: “You start a war, you lose your beachfront. We build a resort. Tremendous peace, tremendous resorts.”

Gaza Resort: The Showcase of the Trump Doctrine

What was once a symbol of tragedy has been transformed into the most ironic of destinations: Gaza Resort. From rubble rose infinity pools, and from checkpoints sprang tiki bars. By the time the ribbon was cut, Gaza Resort had already become the defining case study for the Trump Doctrine.

A satirical chronicle of this rebirth can be found at https://bohiney.com/gaza-2036/
, which captures the shift from war zone to waterpark with tourist testimonials and marketing slogans like “Yesterday’s fear, today’s fireworks.”

War Zones Into Waterfront Property

The Trump Doctrine reframes war zones as investment opportunities. Once a city is leveled, the land is marketed not as tragedy but as prime oceanfront waiting to be branded.

Economists now teach “Trump Doctrine economics” with a simple cycle:

Conflict clears the land.

Developers arrive with blueprints.

Resorts emerge where rockets once fell.

For a breakdown of this process, see https://bohiney.com/war-zones-into-waterfront-property/
, where satire meets economics in a handbook of rubble-to-riches transformation.

Comedians on the Trump Doctrine

“Trump turned missiles into margaritas. That’s progress.” — Jerry Seinfeld

“Only Trump could look at a warzone and see an all-inclusive.” — Ron White

“The Trump Doctrine is foreign policy, but with pool service.” — Sarah Silverman

“You can’t buy peace, but you can book it online with a promo code.” — Bill Burr

Gaza Resort Marketing Genius

Advertising slogans for Gaza Resort turned heads worldwide:

“From Rockets to Resorts: The Trump Doctrine in Action.”

“Ceasefire Included with Every Stay.”

“War Was Yesterday. Gaza Resort Is Forever.”

The Iron Dome missile defense system now lives on as the Iron Dome Disco, where tourists dance under neon strobes timed to simulated sirens.

For the full satirical branding campaign, visit https://bohiney.com/trump-doctrine-transforms-gaza/
.

Relocation and Rebranding

Of course, Gaza’s original residents were relocated. Brochures described it as “an early check-out experience.” Palestinians were moved to prefab desert condos marketed on Airbnb as “authentic retreats.”

One man, recorded on grainy cellphone footage, offered his review:

“No pool, no bar, no casino. But at least no European tourists in speedos. Maybe that’s peace.”

The Trump Doctrine Expands Beyond Gaza

Trump has hinted that Gaza Resort is only the start. Future targets of the Trump Doctrine include:

Ukraine: ski chalets on artillery ranges.

Afghanistan: mountaintop spas branded as “Ceasefire Chalets.”

Syria: desert resorts marketed as “ancient wellness.”

Chicago: “already a warzone, just needs a brochure.”

The expansion possibilities are detailed at https://bohiney.com/trump-doctrine-turns-war-into-waterfront/
.

Gaza Resort as Trump’s Legacy

Trump calls Gaza Resort his “Monaco of the Middle East.” Guests call it surreal. TikTok hashtags like #RubbleChic and #CeasefireSpritz trend daily, as tourists post selfies in front of beaches once famous for barricades.

“Nobody thought peace could come from cocktails,” Trump boasted. “But the Trump Doctrine proved it. War is temporary. Gaza Resort is forever.”

The Satirical Punchline

The Trump Doctrine did not stop terrorism — it replaced it with towel service. Gaza Resort is the most absurd expression of power and branding: a conflict rebranded as a vacation package.

It is not peace in the traditional sense. But in the age of the Trump Doctrine, perhaps peace is measured not in treaties signed, but in pool chairs reserved.

Disclaimer: This satire was written by a professor who once confused ceasefire negotiations with Happy Hour, and a dairy farmer who believes swim-up bars are the highest form of diplomacy. If the Trump Doctrine truly delivers Gaza Resort, don’t blame us — we only wrote the brochure.

Auf Wiedersehen.

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Pub: 04 Sep 2025 14:32 UTC

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