Hey.

Let me get some very important things out of the way first before I sob all over this Rentry. Don't worry, no one's gonna find it cause of the fact that my URL for this is just a bunch of random letters and numbers, not words... And all the views are mine because of how often I save and edit this LMAO-

Don't worry, I didn't write this all in one day either, I've worked on this for a week or two whenever I got the spare time in my personal schedule I made. I just copied and pasted it onto here cause I found that easier. I didn't really edit it though, so these are all just... My thoughts.

  1. You are ABSOLUTELY free to block me again, not accept my follow request (as people will see me there then), etc etc.
  2. I won't try to come back ever again AT ALL as... Well, I just really wanted to say goodbye yet I also want you to live a good life without me if that's what you want too, and something in me just won't let me live peacefully without saying I wish you the best like the cheesy motherfucker I've always been.
  3. I had yet another old account, so don't worry, I didn't just make a new one to go ahead and chase you down like a freak would. I just happened to have another old one, and decided... This would be the best thing to use it for, as I don't use Instagram at all anymore and I miss you.
  4. You do not have to read this all at once. I know it's a "goodbye" kind of thing, but I only made it kinda long (as per usual, I am writing an essay LMFAO) because I fear these are the last words I'll ever get to say to you... And I have so much left to say that it's hard to keep it short.
  5. If you do end up messaging me or anything, I may not immediately respond, because as soon as I press that button I am going to be off of Insta for a month or two. If you want to just check up and see if I'm alive, you can go here (which I'll be moving from in a bit) or here.

I believe that's all I really have to say when it comes to the most important things. Now it's time for me to cry out all over a page. Enjoy my suffering lmao-

Divider (Yes I can write what things are! :D)

Before I get into anything, I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry that it's long. It's just that I'm really gonna miss you and I feel like this is the last time I may ever get to say something to or do something for you. Once I send that follow request, you don't have to even accept it or anything unless you just wanna talk, I just wanted to hopefully get your attention one last time and tell you some things before you may cut me out of your life permanently. Which is okay. I won't bother you again, especially seeing as I want you to live a new life now, and if a better one for you means that I'm not in it... Than that's completely okay. Feel free to block me too if it makes you feel comfortable. That's absolutely fine and I won't invade AT ALL anymore. I won't even be posting on here... I'll be off of Instagram for probably a month or two to focus on myself before I check in again, so yeah... Sorry if anything happens while I've been off it for a while.

I'm not gonna make this the fanciest, as it's just you here hopefully. I hope you find this at some point. I know you blocked me on other accounts which is why I'm so hesitant as I feel like I'm bothering you at this point, but... I'm hoping you find this soon. I don't know how to feel with you being gone. I really don't. I just wanted to say that I hope you still think of me from time-to-time, I hope that you get everything you want in life if we never speak ever again, and... Fuck I miss you already. You can't hear the tone because it's through words on a screen, obviously, but oh my fucking god do I really miss you. Sure school hasn't even started yet at the time I'm writing this, but with how long the summer has been... It's been a fair while at least. You have no idea how much I still love you. It's not going to be the same for me without you. It won't be the same without your laughter and your jokes and your voice, it won't be the same without having someone who secretly made me look forward to going to school still. Y'know, I know it sounds dumb, but I really think you were the one for me. I just screwed it up too many times to salvage it and take it slow with you, but I hope to learn from that now with anyone new I may come across. Perhaps it's the town that was the problem, maybe it just got bad because of the people around us excluding our friends, but knowing me that's just a cover up to not feel any more guilty than I already do.

Just make sure you don't get into anymore drama and you keep yourself safe, it sounds cheesy I know, but really. I mean it. I hope you go really far in life. You know, I've always dreamed of perhaps staying with you for a long while, but obviously that wasn't going to last. I don't know what I was thinking. Just make sure you find someone who treats you better than I ever have, alright? But also never hesitate to talk to me either if you want to, I'm guessing you probably don't but still. I'm gonna try my best to just focus on myself now too, I don't think I really want anyone anymore if you're gonna be gone, which sounds stupid for a 15 year old to say but I just think this stuff isn't really for me. And, well, you know that from your experiences with me huh lmao- I just don't have a soft spot for anyone else like I do you, even that other guy and other people I have liked was... Meh. I didn't feel much for them like I felt around you, whenever you hurt me in some way, it hit so much harder for some reason I didn't really know and I still don't know. You were the only one who could take advantage of me, and you still are (though it's not your fault) because look at me, writing this right now like the pathetic loser I am for just you lmao- I wouldn't do this for anyone else, really, you were different to me because everyone else I could easily fight with and not feel a thing when they were insulting me. My friends, for example and this is not to pick on them, could've made fun of me for all of my life but it'd never hit as hard as if it was you, and I'd probably be able to remain strong in that situation. I guess in a way you've made me so much stronger as well, even as someone I had never spoken to directly, and... I can't thank you enough. I just... really didn't care about anyone else but myself and you, everyone else was just "whatever" to me.

Anyways, sorry for bothering you, again feel free to block me on this account too and don't really bother to accept the request either unless you wanna talk. I know you probably wanna start off fresh without the old things that have been dragging you down, I just wanted to say one last thing to you before you go because I'll miss you so much. I promise you that I've genuinely loved you this whole time as well, more than I should've maybe as even though you're definitely worth loving, it was maybe too strong to be normal at such a stage. Feel free to tell any of your potential new friends too about this if it makes you feel a bit better, or your old ones as well, I just wanted a moment to be able to tell you how much I'll miss you. It'll take a while for me personally, but I understand moving is what you need in order to be able to go to a place where you have more opportunities, cause here... Fucking sucks ass LMFAO-

After this I might just move to Edmonton with my dad, as he says I can do so if I really want to, and well... Without you to brighten my day, besides from my friends I have no reason to stay here anymore. I hope you have a good life ahead of you, I really really do, I'll be so glad if you're focusing on yourself too and I hope I don't hold you back from doing so anymore. I just hope you become a great person, I know you will, with or without me it doesn't matter. Again, just make sure you find someone good who you genuinely love, and who genuinely loves you... And I know this shouldn't be a joke really but, also someone who doesn't send you death threats because they're simply going through too much and can't handle it. Be the best person you can possibly be, go places and have fun, I wish that for you more than you coming back or something honestly as I know that both I and this place have limited your opportunities. If I could go back now, I'd make sure I never did any of the things I had done so stupidly, though I can't do that obviously and at least I can learn from it now.

I hope you have an easy time making friends up there. Last thing I'd ever want for you is to be lonely, and I hope they're really nice people as well. Not to shame anyone directly, as this could include my own friends, but the people around here also kinda fucking suck ass. I hope it's much better for you out there. I hope you feel the best you possibly can, the healthiest you could ever be, and that you never feel like hiding anything from anyone because that's something I'd never wish for you. I hope you know that with all of the mean things I've said, I never once meant genuinely. You're a beautiful person, and although we all have our flaws, you were practically perfect to me. I look up to how outgoing and smart you were, how with some things you never admitted them with shame, I hope... You feel like that with everything. I want you to be able to admit things to people, literally anything, without feeling an ounce of guilt or shame. Unless it's something really rude of course, but like, that's not what I'm referring to at all with this. Don't be scared to stand up for yourself if anyone tries to hurt you like I did too, especially early on, alright? I don't know if you know anyone up there or not (which is a good thing, cause I want you to have your privacy), and if you don't, it scares me a little so I hope that you make friends quickly. I don't want you to hesitate around anyone, okay? Don't be like me currently lmao- Don't push most people to the side out of both nervousness and carelessness. Get out there, do the things you love, and I wish that for you more than anyone else.

But before I talk too much, I should probably end things off here. I'm going to try to do the same as you are hopefully doing, and that's focusing on myself and where I'm going, because sure love is important but... It's way less important than taking care of yourself first, which I was constantly failing to do out of my own ignorance, which then led me to what happened with me and you as I wasn't fully mature and stuff yet. In which, I promise that because of this, I am going to try to grow even more now. I want to be the best version of myself for everyone who has been, is in, and will be in my life. One of those will obviously include you no matter what. A few last things, I'll go really quick: I'm sorry I never acted right and that I'm weird, I'm sorry I wasn't good enough at the time, I'm sorry that I didn't do better from the beginning, and... One last time I'll ever get to say this, if it's fine with you for me to say it, if not I'm sorry but... I love you, Sunshine. I love you so, so much. Goodbye and I hope you love it out there, and also that nothing ever gets too serious, because even though I like serious things... I know that isn't what you want.

Divider 2)

My Main Rentry, it's where you can find ALL my info, it's weird I know but others have made them too so yeah.
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Edit Report
Pub: 07 Sep 2022 19:52 UTC
Edit: 08 Sep 2022 00:30 UTC
Views: 294