[ BEFORE YOU READ! ]

  • you do not have to sit through all of this and read the whole thing. im mainly doing this because i want to share more about myself on here, and im not ashamed of doing so.

im bisexual, like ive already said, with more of a lean towards men. no, this doesn't mean that i don't love my girlfriend. we kinda broke up
gender identity has always been a complex thing for me, the easiest way i can label myself is with ftm. sometimes i do feel like i fit the label, sometimes i don't feel like i fit any labels at all.

i lean more towards being an introvert more than anything. i only appear more extroverted and get along with people easily because it's all online. in real life? it's a fucking nightmare </3

i love to debate, not just for the arguments that me or the other person are going to bring up from a logical standpoint, but more for the benefit of the information that op might bring to the table, depending whether or not they're educated about the topics they debate on or not. i find it nice to learn new things here and there through said debates. i yearn for knowledge, yet im very silent about it. i will not make it obvious, unless im desperate for it.

  • i try not to involve myself in drama too much, unless it's absolutely necessary. by that i usually mean when my friends/loved ones are being harassed in an inappropriate manner. of course, i wait for the full story before i make a move, but if they're being picked on for no reason? if you won't step up for them, that's called being an asshole.

im a good listener, but not a good therapist. you can talk to me about your troubles, I'll lend you a shoulder to cry on and let your frustrations out, but for god's sake, don't expect me to give you actual, genuine advice. i am bad at comforting, especially if we don't know each other that well, or if there's a bridge or a wall standing between us. don't take this personally.

  • speaking of which, i struggle to open up about my problems myself. im not saying this just because i value the pity of others, im saying it because i want to bring awareness about myself, and the kind of person that i am. no, i don't want your pity. i often hide it with jokes and even anger/frustration, and i will most likely take a step back and give myself space to breathe. unless, of course, it's too much for me to handle, then i know who i can trust and talk to about it. again, this doesn't mean that i hate you or anything. although, i understand if you'd feel that way.
    i struggle with keeping friends/connections, both for the reasons i just listed above, and because sometimes, it just becomes overwhelming. ive met a lot of people for the past five years of me being online, and, i admit that it was a shitty thing to do, but i ghosted/dropped many of them. simply because we either didn't get along, we didn't speak often to each other ( for their reasons and mine. ), or there was a drama going on. so, im sorry if i constantly reply late to you.
  • im not the most empathetic person. im not saying this to sound edgy, but i genuinely struggle with feeling empathy at times. i might come off as apathetic / uncaring, which i want to apologize for in advance.

i can be blunt when necessary, only because i hate being lied to. if you don't want to talk about something, tell me. if you do want to discuss something with me, or you're withholding something from me, tell me. im less likely to be mad/upset at you if you tell me the truth, no matter how ugly it can be.

i often contradict myself - i can be stubborn, i can be prideful and selfish, but im a people pleaser by heart. im very loyal and supportive to the ones that i care about and love. im patient, but i lose that patience fast once i actually come in contact with someone who is dense and immature. even if said person is a friend of mine. i hate feeling alone, abandoned or feeling like a replacement, yet i prefer solitude. loneliness is my biggest fear, yet i choose to stay alone. still trying to get rid of my old habits.

im mentally ill. ive been struggling with paranoia for the majority of my life, and it's only led to dissociation. i struggle with auditory, sometimes even visual hallucinations. i don't feel real at all, much less do i feel human. i don't view myself in the mirror normally. im a vampire, that's all there is to it.
i am my source. i am mikaela.

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Pub: 08 Aug 2025 10:49 UTC

Edit: 05 Sep 2025 03:55 UTC

Views: 47