vixen's poems dedicated to / made while thinking about june ꨄ︎
໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა
'' i was lost, i was scared and pained
at all costs, i kept to myself, never shared
my trauma, my feelings, my thoughts, all kept in my head, gradually causing me to go insane
im afraid of abandonment, judgement, rejection
but when im with you, it all goes away, like i can have redemption
i feel safe, loved, cared for
like a baby bird, dependent on its mother for survival
until it learns to spread its wings and fly
the baby learns from the mother, not from any other
ive learned to talk about how i feel, ive learned to open up and say what i think, you have taught me
to confide in you like the sun to the day
you’ve never led me astray, you’ve only loved me
i feel indebted to you, how do i pay?
a walk through the park, a trip across the sea?
the lessons you taught me, the way you listened to me
how i adore you, my lock needs your key
how i love you, the sugar in my tea
never salt on my wounds, but the bandaids that heal them
i need you, you’re a precious gem
one that i never want to lose
one that in a world full of people, i would always choose ''
'' when i’m away from you
i miss you, more than i admit
when i’m without you
it’s as if i’m falling into an endless, bottomless pit
falling asleep next to you, waking up closer to you
oh how it sounds like a fairy tale, i want it to be true
i want to see you, be with you, no matter what this journey will entail
you’re the sun to my moon
the soul to my lifeless form
the missing chord to my tune
everything perfect, nothing like the norm ''
'' when i look towards tomorrow, i see nothing worth going for
when i look back at yesterday, i remember nothing worthwhile
but when you came into my life, i had every reason to smile
when you came into my life, i had every reason to live some more
when i was alone, scared, tired
i would never confide in another soul
but when you came along, i felt a fire
inside me, it started, now to keep you by my side is my life’s goal
you taught me gentle love, something i never knew before
you showed me true love, i could never ask for anything more
you saved me, without even knowing it, my dear
so i ask of you, as selfish as it is
please, never disappear
never leave me by myself, stay by my side
for i don’t think i could live without you, i would only return to my old ways and hide
nor do i want to lose you, and i hope you choose to stay with me
for i need you, i love you, my baby ''
'' i find myself awake, staring into space, night after night
thinking, wondering, questioning
if im doing this right
this whole love thing
this thing of loving
this compassionate feeling
this feeling of compassion
this passion, this fire in me
this flame burning inside my soul
you started it
you caused it
it’s your fault
but im not complaining
no, never would i complain
i feel so strongly for you
i love you
this fire burns bright, but it burns
im afraid that ill burn you, that ill hurt you
i dont want to do that
no, i would never forgive myself if i did
i want to be perfect for you
do everything right
do not a thing wrong and shine bright
for you
all for you
i live for you
i long for you
i need you
i want you
i yearn for you
im obsessed with you
i love you
i hope im doing this right
even if not, i will learn
learn for you, and make sure i do it right
perfectly, do it perfectly
for you
all for you
everything for you, my love ''
'' the mutual jealousy we feel when anybody gets slightly close to the other
the mutual, strong, genuine love we share for each other
the mutual selfishness we feel for one another
we both want to be each other’s only one
to be the only one we need, the only one we want
you are all i need, all i want
i don’t feel this way for anyone else
nor have i ever or will i ever
it’s only you, just you, it will always be you ''
'' it’s you
it’s always been you
even when i didn’t know you
it was you
it will always be you
forever, for eternity, it will be you ''
'' one
one lifetime
is not enough
one hug
is not enough
one kiss
is not enough
one smile
is not enough
one laugh, chuckle or giggle
is not enough
one night
is not enough
one you
is enough
you
are more than enough
far more than enough ''
'' have you seen every painter succeed the first time they made a brush stroke on a canvas?
have you seen every artist go viral as soon as they put out their music for the first time?
have you seen every child that goes to school for the first time making 100% on everything?
have you seen every writer have a huge success with their first ever published piece of work?
no, you haven’t
so don’t be so hard on yourself for doing things wrong
it’s their first time living too
you can’t expect everyone to be perfect on their first try
but, in my eyes
you are more than perfect ''
'' the day
the day i met you
i was not supposed to stay
the day i met you
i was supposed to run away
the day i entered your life
the day you entered mine
that day, that wonderful day
made me want to stay
it made me fall
fall head over heels for you
fall in love with you
and with time, in turn, fall in love with myself
because you loved me too ''
'' i may not write very well
i may not be the prettiest girl
but i promise to help you out of your shell
i promise to shine you until you look like a perfect pearl
i know i can’t give you everything in this world
but i will do all i can, all i physically can
for you deserve everything
everything and more, even if you don’t understand
i may not use the fanciest or most extravagant words in my poems
or in any of my writings to be fair
but what i do use
is honesty and care
every word i write
every time my eyes alight
it’s all for you
because of you
i love you ''
'' im sure you’ve heard the saying
“you can’t love another if you don’t love yourself”
i would always tell people that, in hopes that they’d begin to care for themselves
knowing that i hated my every cell
but then you came along
and i realized
that the saying is bullshit
for i love you more than i have ever loved anyone else
and in doing so
ive begun to hate myself a bit less
ive realized
that i love you so much
i forgot about hating myself for a while
and when i remembered
i decided that i would change
i would change for you
i would start to feel for myself
because i felt for you
i started to love myself
because i loved you
i started to care for myself
because i cared so much for you ''
'' day after day
night after night
i wonder to myself
if im loving you right
if im loving you
how you deserve to be loved
if im making you as happy
as you deserve to be
when i look at you
i see the embodiment of perfection and everything sweet
i see the beauty and purity of this world in its most precious form ''
'' as my music plays
so soft and sweet
as my pen moves
across these sheets
as my eyes dart
after every word
as my mind wants you
oh, how it yearns
as my heart beats
rapidly yet steady
as my body burns
with a strong desire
as my entire being hurts with need
one for you, all of you and your love
and though it’s selfish
obsessive, even
i wouldn’t want it any other way
i want you to forever stay ''
'' my love for you
is beyond human comprehension
my care for you
is beyond any words
my want for you
is stronger than i know
my need for you
is stronger than i realized ''
'' a heartfelt comment from you
makes my day better
a hug from you
makes my week better
every minute i spend with you
makes my life better
you make me want to live
you make me love myself
i love you
more than you’ll ever know ''
'' a poet
that’s what i call myself
though writing is just a hobby
that i am very passionate about
my writings are inspired by many
inspired by people, places, things
the sights i see and the people i meet
but a poet’s inspiration
is a thing only they know in the moment
whether they reveal it or not
is ultimately up to them
but what i do know, as a self proclaimed poet
is that my inspiration comes from mostly one source
a source that i could write about infinitely
a source that will never get old
a source i could write about for years and years to come ''
'' we met on the first day
of the academic year
we didn’t talk, we didn’t interact
but i always found myself staring at you
hoping that you’d talk to me
you had beautiful eyes, a soothing voice
fluffy hair, an adorable stature
your personality was so perfect
an angel fallen from heaven
is what you were, what you are
when we finally talked
my entire world changed
when we made eye contact
for the first time
i felt my heart rate increase
my breathing quickened
my stomach flipped and turned
for i had fallen in love with you
at first sight
corny and too much like a romance film
but i mean every word i say
every word i ever will say
every glance i find myself giving you
every smile i find myself having around you
the butterflies in my stomach when im around you
you are everything i want and more
far better than another soul
i love you, i confide in you, i want you
i need you, my love ''
'' when i hold your hand
i feel safe and sound
when it’s just us, nobody else around
i feel like more than just a grain of sand
like i matter more than i let myself believe
like i should be proud of that which i achieve
when i pull you close, when you hold me
i feel nothing but love, you’re all i see
when you kissed me so softly
i felt immense butterflies inside
my heart raced, i felt warmth all across my face
oh, the ways you make me feel
alive, happy, loved and breathless
with how you make me want to strive, stay on this earth despite all the hardships and stress
how you make me feel so real
so loved and heard, cared about
you are my everything, when im with you, i have not a single doubt ''
'' as each day passes
i love you more and more
your beautiful face, your pretty eyes hidden behind glasses
you are all i see, all i adore
you are everything i need
everything i want
i could never replace you, my confidant
though i am selfish, i want you all to myself, i feel this strong greed
how my heart races around you, my dear
how my eyes glow with every “i love you so much”
how my body relaxes within your touch
how my mind eases when you’re near
my love for you is greater than any love i’ve had for another soul
oh darling, i love you so much
i wouldn’t trade you for the world, not an entire cave of gold
how i would do anything for your slightest touch
i am so truly, deeply, sincerely, obsessively, selfishly and madly in love with you
and if it wasn’t clear
i love you the most, my dear
for i have every reason to live, as long as you do too ''
'' they say that soulmates aren’t real
that destiny doesn’t exist
that fate is but an illusion
i fell victim to those beliefs
for a long time
but still told everyone i knew
that they would find the one
one day, they’d find theirs
i always told myself
that there was nobody for me
after every relationship
every partner
it never worked out as i wanted it to
but then you
you came along
you happened
we happened
and i felt love
i was happy
i was loved
and i loved you
i whole heartedly believe
that you
you are my soulmate
my other half
the sun to my moon
the light in my darkness
the guide on my journey
the color to my monochrome
the smile to my face
mine
and you’re always going to be
my boy
my pretty boy ''
'' i wear your hoodie
practically every day
i think of you
every minute of every hour
and the things i want to say
i hold your hand in mine
whenever i get the chance
i want to hold you in my arms
every time you’re around
i look at you
every chance i get
for you are so pretty
my pretty boy, you will forever be ''
'' my boy
that’s what i asked to call you
you allowed me to
i was surprised when you did
but by no means would i want the opposite
i never thought i’d experience a love that was true
i never imagined that i’d have anything but malice and hate for myself
but you have turned that around
you have taken my heart off of the highest shelf
and brought it back, safely to me, on the ground
so gentle and sweet, so soft and kind
you’re so very pretty, so beautiful, and you’re mine
it’s still hard for me to believe
to wrap my head around
the fact that you don’t want to leave
you want to stay with me, you are the true love i found ''
'' i look at the sun
it’s bright
i look at the moon
how it shines
i look at the joggers as they run
they’re hardworking, dedicated
i look at my mother
stressed, pretending it’s all okay
i look at my brother
hateful, wanting me to die, to pass away
i look at my friends
a mix of diverse souls
i look at myself in the mirror
a shell of a once beautiful and precious girl
who now self loathes and keeps to herself
and then i look at you
the embodiment of perfection
pure, sweet, beautiful, everything in between
imperfectly perfect, everything i could ever dream about
i look at us
and i see everything good
we will not be perfect
nor will anybody ever be
but as long as im with you
im as happy as can be
i look at our life together
our future, the present, the past from which we came
it all reminds me
that you are why
i smile, why i fight
you, my love
make me look at life
in a brighter light
as something more
than a hellhole in which we’re stuck
but time that i so graciously get to spend with you ''
'' i will forever treasure you, my precious gem
i will always cherish you, my love will never end
you’re perfect, special in every way
when i feel like im drowning, you bring me back to the surface
you give me the refreshing breath of life, i truly hope you’re here to stay
you give my life meaning, a purpose
most nights i spend alone and to myself
no lights, no home, wherever you aren’t
you are my home, my safe space
i never just write you mere poems, the truth is always the case
i adore you and i commend you
so strong, brave and a love that never seems to end ''
'' you are to me as the sun is to the day
when im around you, everything feels okay
no matter what happens, or what factors come in to play
regardless of if you sometimes can’t control your rays
how you still remain by my side
what you do for me, how shall i ever pay?
but, at the end of the day, when everything is done
you will forever be needed by me, my sun, so please, always stay ''
'' i was always interested by music
fascinated and intrigued, falling in love with many songs
i wanted to learn violin, as the sounds it makes is almost therapeutic
i never thought id care for musicians too much though, but then you came along
you played the guitar, so beautifully and great
i was envious at first, but then i felt that i was falling
falling for you, your love of music, the way you played, and i always wanted to listen, no matter how late
it was soothing and lovely, i found myself looking for a spalling
a spalling of your talent, maybe just a bit, just a tad
though i soon realized, that it was not your talent that i wanted to have, not your talent i was after
i wanted your love, to be your only, no matter if i was bad
every smile, every hug, every bit of laughter
it all made me love you even more
and then you said you loved me
you are so beautiful, so sweet, so pure
you make me feel so proud, so special, so happy
you make me have the motivation to continue on my melodic journey
whether as a listener or a player, i strive
i love music, its just so endearing, and i love you, you make me feel worthy
im so glad i stayed, so glad you stayed, im so happy we’re both alive ''
'' every word i say
every poem i write
could never amount
to how much i truly love you
how i always pray
that you might
always keep on this route
forever stay, be my light
every smile i give
every laugh i share
every day i live
every ounce of care
every tear i shed
every day i go on
every time i feel dead
i keep going, i will never be gone
every “i love you”
every hug goodbye
every “i miss you too”
every happy “hello,” and “hi”
every second
every minute
every hour
every day
every night
every week
every month
every year
i will spend an eternity loving you
i wouldn’t want it any other way
i don’t want to lose you, to have to leave someday
i will stay by your side, like paper and glue
you will always have me
when there’s nobody else
you will always remain happy
if i can do anything to help
so always count on me, im always here
let me be your key, let me hold you, my dear ''
'' please, just hold my hand
i would give anything, everything, to have you as my man
no matter how long i have to wait
no matter how many hardships are on our plate
i will find you in every life
every single one, in every world of strife
in every past and every future, in every line and every time
i will always love you, always cherish you, always call you mine
selfish and obsessed, that’s what i am, i know
im self aware and im not afraid to admit it
what i am afraid of, though, is losing you, so do not go
i cannot bear the thought of you leaving, of you calling it quits
so i ask of you to stay, to survive
you make me happy, make me thrive
i long for you every moment you’re away, i love you every second of every day
how that love continues to grow, it always will, as we find our way
our way through this bumpy road
our way to all that is gold
our way to a life of all our goals
our way past this hellhole ''
'' i don’t know
how anybody could hurt you
how anybody could defy you
how anybody could take advantage of you
you’re far too perfect
and maybe that’s why
they chose to harm you
but i would never
i promise you that
i will never hurt you ''
'' i thought i knew what love was
stupid, painful, a distraction
that’s the love i knew
but it wasn’t truly love
i never knew love
and so i gave up on it
at least, that was, until you
you happened, and then we happened
i don’t know what we are
or what we will become
but we’re all i want
we’re all i need
i want you, and i need you
so don’t leave
give us a chance
i won’t fuck up
and if i do
please just forgive me
stay
i can’t bear losing you ''
'' sometimes i feel as if we’re connected
in more ways than you’d think
you say that it’s weird
how i noticed you were down
the first time we interacted
despite not even knowing each other
i find it odd, yet endearing, how you notice when im down, even when i do my best to play it off
i’ve always been able to fool everyone
from my family to my friends
but you’re different
with these bumpy roads, and even the detours we’ll take
we’ll always pull through
because im with you, and you’re with me ''
'' people come and people go
but you are not ‘people’
you are mine, my boy
so please don’t go
don’t ever go
keep your promise
stay with me, stay on this earth
and i’ll keep mine to you
i’ll always be your girl
and your girl alone ''
'' i sit in the dark
at the earliest hours of the morning
before the sun even comes out
before anyone is awake
and i think
i think about you
i’m always thinking about you
you cloud my mind fully
but i don’t hate it
i enjoy the thought of you
i love it, even
i love you
and as selfish as it is
please, love me too
love me and me alone
i love you and you alone ''
'' all the times we laughed together
and cried together
we smiled together
we slept within each other’s arms
it’s hard to believe it’s real
or it was real
but i know it was
because i know you’re real
and my love for you is very real ''
'' i have never been sure about any of my life decisions
i have never been sure about any friendship or relationship
but
i am so very sure about you
i am so very sure that i want you
i am so very sure that you’re all i need
i have never been more sure about anything in my life ''
'' someone once asked me, “what’s your plan for the future?”
my response was, “i don’t know”
in reality, i knew i was never going to live past eighteen
i would smile and sometimes say, “the future isn’t now, now is the present”
as i began reaching my thirteenth, i decided enough was enough
i tried to end it, once and for all
but i survived
i always questioned why
as my fifteenth began approaching
i planned to try again
this time, id have a foolproof plan
as december came along, something happened
something i never thought would
i loved myself
i began to love myself
and i did so, because i loved you
you loved me, and i loved you, which made me realize that i am worthy of love
i am not useless or worthless
i am not undeserving of love
now that you’re here
i see a future for myself
i have a reason to live
a reason to keep going
for you loved me, when i thought i was unlovable
and i loved you, when i thought id never love again
thank you
i love you. ''
'' i never knew what “love” was, as if it were just a word thrown around
i thought “love” was the bounding of two people, eventually for their relationship to collapse
i thought “love” was fake, a disaster awaiting every unfortunate soul on this earth
but then i met you, i saw you, i witnessed who you were, who you are
and i fell in love with the sight, the sound, the feeling, i fell in love with you
throughout the course of this friendship, blossomed into more, i’ve found out what love is, the image of perfection and sweetness, i found love
and it’s you, always will be you, always has been you, even when i didn’t know you ''
'' if nothing else feels or is real
know that i am
we are
and what we have is ''
'' and when i think of the extent of my love for you
i realize that there is none
it goes on for infinities, unending and unconditional
i know that i love you, that i always will
i just hope that, in the end, you decide to love me just as much and never stop
as i do for you ''
there's an entire folder of my writings, most of which are poems for/about my chèrie, but i believe i added the majority of them. i love you, june. i will always love you and you alone, for infinities to come. <3 — reki