for kenzi/josias or user frozengrvyrd (444ngeldustzz on tt) strictly triggering topics, please take caution these will be divided in a few different topics so just look for whatever you want

i know you probably still stalk my socials, so here

Im sorry, im sorry for what ive done to you, and the harm i created towards you and your friends. It was never my intention to ever do that stuff to you, to make you feel alone, and i apologize sincerely that i wasnt the best boyfriend.



clearing up what you think i did

To clear up a few things, i did not text your mom. Someone else did, but i didnt. I didnt even mean to call your mom either, i was trying to help you get out of the situation so we could still, at least, be friends. I know you probably hate me now, which is fine. I dont mind, and i dont care either. I do miss you a lot, yes. But ive just learned to live without you since no matter what i do, no matter if i relapse, or if im bathed in blood, you just wont come to me. You just dont care and thats fine.



what i wanted to say to you, but i was too afraid

i apologize for ruining your new life, for everything that ive done to you. I went absolutely manic and i am aware of that. Although, you always talk about it. When i asked you not to, you immediately said ;; "you did that to me, so i can talk about it", but when i talk about the fact you bordeline abused me, compared the amount of blood we both shed for each other knowing damn well i went to a hospital, fighting for my life because of you, and the fact you made tons of racist jokes towards me (and black people) being a fully WHITE, texan person. You ask me to stop talking about it, which i found completely unfair.

I completely own up my childishness, to my immaturity and the fact i went manic doing that stuff to you. I was still trying to get better, but just because im trying to get better doesnt mean it'll happen from day to night. It takes time, and lots of relapsing on the way too. You called me selfish for trying to talk about my feelings which i shouldve probably blown up on you for that because honestly its fucked up. I was still trying to get better, and that doesnt mean i probably wont still act the same way, i most likely will as i am still trying.

"god forbid everything be about you" -- i was talking about my feelings, about how i was scared and you said that. Then immediately said "mb my demons," its funny yeah, okay. But it hurt my feelings a lot, because i love you so much romantically, and i'll just have to get over it. You've never given me a proper apology, the one i deserve because if you truly loved me it was in a way that i did not understand. I don't understand how you could love me, praise me and tell me i was the one you truly loved, then go behind my back and talk shit about me, cheat on me, etc. Then, as i mention this, you say "you let me do this" NO?? i didnt, because i didnt FUCKING know you were doing this shit behind my back, when i found out you were cheating on me, believe me i told you i cried harder than ever, because if you loved me why would you even think about doing that to me? Its a reason, yes. Maybe it was self sabotage like you said, but it doesnt excuse it. Just because it was a reason doesnt mean its valid, it doesnt mean i didnt bleed over it, it isnt valid. But even after everything, i still stayed with you. I still love you even after you cheated on me. Its insane, honestly. Sometimes, loving you felt like drowning, but still craving the taste of the ocean even after. Thats how i felt with you during the time we broke no contact.

as to talk about the period of time we broke no contact, we got into an argument and you fucking GHOSTED me right after, yelling at me and everything. ON MY BIRTHDAY, before. I falsely accused you of being in love with someone else because i was scared, and you called me immature for needing reassurance. Can you just think for a second, why did you say that to me? I just felt terrible. Mind you, you told me that we werent dating, so i shouldnt care. Okay, yeah! but when i became friends with someone named Kyo, you got worried because you thought i was friends with the one who gave you trust issues (you were just really jealous) during our relationship, even though you shouldnt have been worried because like you said,, we werent dating afterall. Even when it was my birthday, you still ghosted me. You treated me like shit and i felt useless on MY BIRTHDAY?? I dont think you understand the way that made me feel

theres a lot more, but heres mainly what i want to say.



an apology

Okay, i know you dont want an apology, but i still apologize. Im sorry for everything ive done, and i apologize that i made you feel the way i did, im sorry for texting you when you didnt tell me i could reply (bullshit), and im sorry for anything else.

yes, the apology is short. But ive apologized to you personally a thousand times, and you didnt care. This is what youre getting.



i cant pretend i do not wish to love you, i cannot pretend i do not wish to text you, i cannot wish i do not wish i never met you

honestly, it does kinda hurt that i cant talk to you everyday, my days tend to feel very empty without you, but thats not because you're an 'unforgettable ex' as you tend to claim you are

To me, you're only unforgettable because you abused me. Now, im so used to the abuse you gave me that i feel empty. I feel numb, i cant even feel romantic attraction to those who i should feel romantic attraction to because you ruined me. Its all your fault, but its my fault for letting you disrespect me, too.

I am very numb, josias. Im naming you, because thats what you deserve. To be hated, to be ripped apart. But, maybe im petty. Maybe im taking things to the next level by doing this to you, but i dont feel any sympathy for what else might happen to you. I hope you get everything you want and i dont hear anything about it, i love you so much but i hope i never have to meet you in another lifetime, i hate you. I dont necessarily love you, i care about you. I feel very attached to you because you know me so much. But i want everyone to know that you're an abuser.

"You keep reminding me that im the blaze of the relationship!!" because you are. You abused me, and you dont even feel bad for what you did. You dont even care, you dont even have the balls to fucking apologize to me. I love you so much, but i hope i never have to be around you again, i hope i never have to experience what i experienced with you. Then you complain about people not loving you even though you MAKE them leave. You do this shit, you cheated on me and i let you because i love you. I love you and i want the best for you, i just hope everyone who meets you knows that you're a shit person, and what you did to me is something i will never forgive. I hate you, because you ruined me, and all that i was.



damn dawg i was batshit insane LMAOOO boy bye yeah fuck josias and whatever idc.. i never loved that bitch anyway he was js my fp

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Pub: 18 Jan 2024 18:23 UTC

Edit: 09 Feb 2025 15:11 UTC

Views: 425