"Anon gets adopted by a stray cat"
>It's hot out. Really hot
>You and your buddy recoil as you step out of the frigid supermarket air
>A scorching gust of wind burns your eyes as you glance over towards the grocery store sign
>The scrolling marquis reads 106oF
>"Jesus christ... You just wanna get an uber or something?"
>Your friend looks taken aback. "I'm broke dude. You paying?"
>You grunt. You've got the money, but you're not about to do this cheapskate any favors.
>"Fuck it, let's just go before my ice cream melts."
>Idle conversation doesn't seem to make the mile-and-a-quarter-long journey any quicker
>In fact, you wonder just how much precious water you're losing with each word you speak
>Is this how you die? Walking back to your apartment in 100 degree weather?
>Without warning, your friend stops at a street corner.
>"Fuck it, I'm taking the shortcut man. I'm not gonna make it if we have to wait for all the crosswalks at the overpass."
>You crane your head to look past the sweaty gamer stereotype
>There it is. Saint Lucian's park.
>Looks safe enough to the unsuspecting eye, but you know this is where everyone goes to get high
>In case of emergency, you know you can run much faster than xX-N00BS14Y3R-Xx
>"Sure. Can't be that bad."
>Not even a minute in, a group of kids emerge from a nearby culvert
>One, two, three, four... Five. By god, that make a whole playdate of squeakers.
>A pitbull kid wearing an embarrassing amount of ICP merch drains the rest of his Bang and tosses the can into the creek. "Sup faggots, got any addies?"
>He fucking would lmao
>You make eye contact with the shitbull, then glance over at the chubby human next to him. He's sticking his chest out and scowling. It'd be slightly more intimidating if you knew he weren't sporting a pair of pepperoni slices under that shirt.
>Without breaking pace, you hock a fat loogie a couple feet to your left
>Gamer bro, please. Don't say anything. Just keep moving
>The pit bull kid flips you the bird and scoffs, "Fucking queers, betcha gonna go home and suck his dick?"
>Ah, yes, there it is. The hallmark of adolescence. The intense homoerotic overtones of pubescent insecurity.
>As you cross under the low overpass, his voice calls after you
>So malky and nonthreatening, as if carried on the wings of angels. "Bitch ass pussies!"
>4 seconds later
>The next few minutes pass uneventfully while you replay the encounter over and over in your head.
>Your mental arena is a bloodbath. The comebacks you come up with would have annihilated that little punk.
>Wait a moment
>Something ahead catches your attention
>Gamer bro sees it too.
>He mutters under his breath, "Yo... What? Is that chick dead?"
>Some kind of cat anthro appears to be contorted and half-draped over a picnic table
>It's definitely a she... You know because she's got her shirt pulled up over her head and all her teats are showing
>Fucking anthros. You don't necessarily hate them or anything. You just don't like the discourse they create, or the cult of humans that worship the ground they walk on
>It's just kinda cringe honestly
>"With any luck," you mutter
>But as much as you'd like to blast an air horn at her right now, you feel bad for this poor creature
>It's so hot out, you and gamer bro watched a crackhead put the copper back in an AC unit
>You step off the path and over to the table
>From behind, your buddy groans, "Duuude, That's a stray bro. I wouldn't mess with her."
>"Just a sec man."
>"Come oooonnn dude, this shit's heavy."
>you ignore his whining for now
>Damn... She looks thin
>"Hey uh... Cat. You good?"
>Well she's not dead. Her tail flicked in response
>The feline anthro starts into a massive stretch, causing her shirt to pull free from her head and snap back to her chest
>Oh. That's a weird ass looking cat. Like one of those hairless ones, but... with hair
>She finally finishes her stretch and twists right back into another impossible pose to resume snoozing
>The cat mutters something at you
>You come within a few feet and ask again. "Huh? You good or nah?"
>Nothing could have prepared for this thing's voice.
>She sounds like a broken see-n-say if it smoked a pack a day, what the fuck
>"I said I'm good on nip, now fuck off. Too hot to be dealing with your shit right now."
>Good enough for you
>You turn to go back to the path, but pause
>Anthros are a fairly new... turn of events
>A lot of suffering and hardship because a vocal minority refuses to grant anthros 'human' rights on the grounds that "they just ain't human, now are they?"
>Admittedly, you used to be staunchly anti-anthro because you enjoy being a contrarian piece of shit. It makes you unique and interesting.
>Didn't take long for you to realize exactly how fucked up the whole situation was after people started uploading "hunting" videos to youtube
>You sigh. You can't unsee what you saw, but you can maybe do something good right now.
>You rifle through your bag and grab the prepackaged tuna sandwich you had bought for dinner tonight
>"Hey cat, stay out of the dumpsters tonight."
>You lob it at the bench, along with a bottle of water
>The unexpected impact sends the feline a good 2 feet into the air.
>A moment later, she's standing in a 'pissed cat' stance on the opposite side of the table
>There's murder in those eyes. You might have just fucked up
>Adrenaline surges through your veins
>You turn to see if your best bud has your back-
>Just in time to watch gamer bro drifting the next corner in perfect sprinting form
>That son of a bitch left you! And his fucking groceries!
>You don't even bother to look back at the cat
>You just fucking run after him
>Of all the ways to die, being disemboweled by a weird looking cat tweaking out on 'nip has got to be one of the worst.
>"Hang on, is that tuna??"
>She sounds ecstatic, but you don't stick around to bask in the afterglow of charitable giving
>Eventually you reach the end of the park path. Gamer bro is there, doubled over and wheezing
>"Fucking TOLD you dude, don't FUCK with strays!"
>Through various pained expressions, he looks down at your hands, then back at you
>"You didn't get my shit? What the fuck man??"
>This fucking guy
>About a week passed since 'the incident' at Saint Lucian's
>Turns out it's actually a pretty nice shortcut. Saves you exactly 5.5 minutes
>Your "buddy" refuses to go through there again though. Just keeps telling you 'bro don't fuck around with strays seriously bro'.
>You haven't seen the cat again since then, but you did come across those stupid fucking kids
>Absolutely wrecked the pitbull kid with a solid, "Fuck off zoomer, go put some pronouns in your twitter bio"
>But it was an empty victory
>Being zoomers, they were either too stupid or too indoctrinated to fully appreciate the devastation you had just unleashed
>No matter, you're a professional. You'll persevere. With enough time, you'll find a more effective way to deliver that deadly payload
>You chuckle to yourself. Absolute professional
>Speaking of professional - You glance at your phone
>A text from mom. She's bitching at you again about finding a job, and how she and your stepfather are cutting you off after you turn 22
>Followed by "Do well in school dear, your father and I love you very much. Here's $600, let me know if you need anymore before next Friday."
>Unbelievable. This woman makes like, way too much money to not support you. She lives in California for Christlike, minimum wage there is like 10 times higher than shitty Missouri
>You throw your phone across the room as hard as you can
>It lands harmlessly against your pillow
>Fuck it, you need a Monster to get you through this shit
>You step out of your apartment and into the sweltering heat, looking down at your phone.
>You're having second thoughts about that trip down the road to the 7-11 all of a sudden-
>There's someone right in front of you
>It's that cat. She was just standing there. Waiting.
>Adrenaline once again pours into your bloodstream. It's fight or flight
>Unfortunately, you're a giant pussy, so it's flight.
>Can't jump over the railing. You're on the 3rd story
>You could run back inside but that'd mean turning your back to a feline, nature's purpose-bred sociopathic murder machine
>You're frozen in place
>Before you can even register what's happening, the cat thing closes the short gap and begins...
>Oh no. No no no.
>"What the fuck are you doing?"
>She's rubbing herself all over you like a literal cat
>"Nice apartment! Wow! Do you live here? What kind of couch do you have - is it comfy? I hope you've got enough sun for me to lay in... Say, do you have a girlfriend? What's for dinner by the way, I'm starving. I could really go for another one of those sandwiches you gave me a few days ago."
>You stagger back and hit your front door. "DUDE! Get off of me! The fuck is wrong with you?!"
>No escape. She's aggressively bunting her forehead against your chin
>"What do you mean? Well? When are you going to feed me again?"
>You shove her off, hard
>It doesn't even register. She just pretends she wanted to go where you shoved her to and casually grooms the back of her paw.
>Now's your chance
>You quickly slip inside and lock the door behind you
>your thumbs fumble against the screen
>"DUDE THAT CRAZY CAT FOUND WHERE I LIVE."
>You are denied the instant response your situation demands
>"DUDE. She's literally outside my door right fucking now. What do I do??"
>It's been 5 whole seconds. Still no reply.
>You stuff your phone into your pocket and slam your face against the peephole
>She's standing right in front of the door.
>You know she knows you're there, because a dangerous grin spreads across her unusually pronounced muzzle
>"Anoooonnnn? Please let me come back inside... Anon? I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to disobey!"
>You back away from the door, mouth agape
>How does she know your name?!
>She pipes up again in that weird, wirey voice. This time louder.
>"Anoooooooonnnn? I-I'm sorry! I just wasn't ready... I know we talked about interspecies for a while but I just got frightened with how rough you were being... Please...!"
>What. The fuck. No. You can't be serious right now.
>"Helloooo? Anoooonnn? I know you're listening to me! Please let me back in, I'm scared! Y-you can hit me again if you're that angry... I deserve it... Please, anything but throwing me out on the street! I can be your good little neko if you just give me a second cha--"
>You open the door in a panic and frantically try to shush the yowling feline.
>The timing was very unfortunate
>As you open the door, so does your neighbor
>Mid 30s guy. Got a wife and 3 girls
>An absolute meat castle of a man
>Dude steps out wearing a pair of calf-high socks, jorts and a yellow muscle shirt with the Gadsden flag printed on the front. He looks pissed
>He takes one look at the cat, then you
>The veins in his neck look like they're about to rupture
>"Did you say this little fucking freak hit you?"
>This conniving bitch.
>She slides towards the man and gently rubs her cheeks against his shoulder
>You're done for. You can't do anything but stammer. "I-I-I.. I."
>He mocks you. "I I- Shut the FUCK up, kid. You been hitting this girl? I swear to god, I'll go to fucking jail I find out you're one of those shithead-"
>The cat speaks up
>"S-sir... No, it's not like that! He... I'm..."
>The cat straightens up, calmly walks to your side and places her hand on your shoulder
>Gone is the innocent girl shtick. it's like she just flipped a switch or something
>"For starters, please accept my sincerest apologies. There's no reason to be concerned for my wellbeing. I hope you understand how embarrassing this is for us to admit, but, Anon and I have a... Unique living arrangement. Isn't that right, Anon?"
>Your eyes dart from the cat to the man who wants to throw you off this balcony
>The cat chuckles softly and squeezes your shoulder. "Oh Anon, I just adore how you freeze up when you're scared. I'm sorry, mister..."
>Your neighbor cocks an eyebrow. "Stone."
>"Ah, Mr. Stone. It's a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance. You can call me Mitsy. As I was saying, Anon and I share a rather unorthodox living arrangement. Think of it as a master/pet dynamic. I won't reveal more about our relationship than necessary as attitudes about..."
>Mitsy gestures to you and herself
>"This... Can vary greatly. Just, please rest assured that I'm safe, and like any other woman, I can get..."
>She pauses again, then laughs politely
>"Well, I can get carried away with the mood."
>You just barely catch her steal a quick glance at Mr. Stone's goods
>"Something I'm sure Mrs. Stone knows all too well."
>She's playing this dude like a fucking fiddle
>You stare in bewilderment as your neighbor goes from 100 to zero in under a minute. The two banter briefly about the hardships and abuse many anthros are vulnerable to due to the "legally gray" status of their personhood.
>You don't dare do anything more than nod in agreement when prompted by Mitsy.
>Before you know it, your neighbor cheerfully waves goodbye as Mitsy leads you into your apartment.
>She laughs wistfully and locks the deadbolt behind her. "Such a nice man. I'm surprised you haven't taken the time to get to know him!"
>Without missing a beat, she sees herself into your living room and lazily flops into your sofa.
>The feline squeals gleefully against the cushions before wiggling out of her dirty t-shirt
>The late evening sun ignites the tabby's fur in a beautiful copper glow
>She yawns, closes her eyes, and let's out a breathy purr
>"Really kind of you to take me in like this, Anon, but... I told you I was hungry. You gonna just stand there or are you going to make me that sandwich?"
>A buzz in your pocket snaps you out of your bewildered state
>It's your phone
>You fish it out of your pocket
>1 message: Fat Idiot
>"BRO I TOLD YOU NOT TO FUCK WITH STRAYS!"