december 18 , 2024 .

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i need my boyfriend i nneed him rugidghrdisei hate this i hate it. no because idk actualyl fhsfhesj
tthis was my favorite song. all before they ruined it. i hate them. i hate them so much. they knew i loved this band. i wasnt even there to watch. but just hearing about it all makes me ,, i dont know. unwell? sure. maybe im overreacting. i cant let someone ruin a song for me just because,, they sang it. thats all that happened. i have no right to feel this way. what would he think?? i dont know maybe i dont wanna know would i really want to know if theyre telling me the truth about everything
that it really is all just stupid? that by staying the way i am im only pulling that day closer. the day were over. they probably are. theyre right. i should try again. and again ànd again and again. "kys or at least leave for another 3 months" bet gng
i need to stop i know im in n episode would he really think something like that about me why am i such a fucking narc "would he dare to think that about somebody like me!!!"
this is exactly why he would. or at least,,,,, should
i dont know. i dont know anything. i want to stop ruining his life. im scared. every time i get closer to someone, my entire belief system changes. my entire "self." most of the time, i feel as if i can be who i "really am" around him, even thiugh im unsure of who that even really is. but im scared. im scared for how i sense myself growing more like them every day. i know that im going to end up messing up and messing up and messing up again. i dont know. i cant be more of a terrible petson i cant hurt him. ive already emotionally drained him i know i have. i just want to stay in my bed all day until i know i can be better for him, maybe thats what ill do
no because then im ghosting him , no matter what i do it will always be wrong. it will always be harmful. because thats all i can do its all i am all i ever have been they cant send me back there i cant miss another holiday it doesnt even feep like one im still waiting for halloween to happen but i dont know i just cant. i dont know. i think itd be good to give him a break but i feel bad for just abandoning him. just like i did in september. aaall the way to november, i ws never there for him. this is what i mean. oh god.



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Pub: 30 May 2025 23:11 UTC

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