6/2/25

im mad im mad at everybody and everything and i hate everybody and everything and i hate this i hate this summer i hate the way everything turned out i hate it so muhc

im fucking angry but theres nothing i can do about it im mad because of him, he made me believe c was a bad person. he told me all this shit about c and told me how rude and terrible it was. 1 year later, he is the EXACT fucking person he made me think c was. literally. he talked to me about how c had to break up with him over discord, which yeah i agree, isnt a great thing to do, but it was the only way they could have done it. HE could have done it so many other and better ways. no, instead, he just ignored me for weeks until the last day of school, when he finally texted me knowing he'd never have to see me again. same shit. online breakup over discord.
andy is no fucking better than c. andy is no better than who he made me believe c was.
i'm sick of this.
i wish i never fucking believed him. it's so painfully obvious to me now how ALL he cares about is the attention.
all he EVER wanted from me was the attention it gave him, the gifts and money spent on him, the "therapist," all of that bullshit. he never wanted me. he'd want anyone who'd give him as much as i did. i'm worth nothing to him.
i feel really bad talking about all this. the worst part is, i know that i do still love him. i wish i didnt. i wish i could forget about him and the last 5 years and everything about him and his friends. he used to be actually. well, good. he was the best.
now, all he is is some attention-hungry egotistical asshole. he was never ever honest to me. all he cared about was his social life, his popularity, his ego. he cared about this, so much more than he ever bothered to care about me. his boyfriend.
i really thought i was something to him. it was stupid. i was stupid to truly think we'd ever get married. this always happens. he's no different than anybody else i've had.
but, he is. i guess. i don't know. maybe i'm just saying that because i'm obviously still not over this. i don't know what i am or what i'm not. all i know is that i'm no longer his.
he was never mine. i longed for him to be, so much. but every time i tried, the only thing he couldn't dismiss was his social life. he's one of them now. one of those stupid annoying ass fucking popular girls, the preppies and shit like that. i don't even want to begin to think of how much he'll be telling them secrets of mine, just as he did with c. nonstop talking shit as if he never loved me. well, i cant even say that. he did never love me, it's been made obvious. why do i still have to love him?
it's just not fair. i don't want this, i want to move on. i want to ignore all the plans and dates that were supposed to happen this very week, althroughout the summer. he never wanted it, did he?
he didnt even fucking care to show up for my birthday. look, i get it, i don't even like my birthday, either. but he promised he would come to see me. he promised quite a lot to me.
he promised he would stop relapsing. he promised he would always and forever love me. he promised i was his "#1." he promised he'd never leave me, he promised he'd never doubt me, he promised he'd always care.
he promised way too much. i believed way too much.


idk,,.
i just dont know.
"if he really didnt love me, then why would he have waited all that time and stayed with me?"
he probably didn't. he probably did cheat. he probably never even thought about me half as much as i thought about him. he claimed to have never gotten my hundreds of letters. i don't know if i believe that. where the fuck else would they have gone?? i did a fuck ton of begging and a fuck ton of different ways to send them to him, just to ensure that at least a few would get to him. he didnt say sorry, he didnt say he didnt know. ALL he said was,

that's IT.
IT, for the entire day.


why did i have to believe he cared.

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Pub: 02 Jun 2025 19:16 UTC

Views: 45