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1/10/25
girl hell 1999 - femtanyl
the surgery is tomorrow
i'll make sure to fake it to not waste time like i planned to
and i'll take a knife with me so that my abliest subsitute doctor will take it and harm me after he waited do long
just please take off that petty little filter already and abuse me
please would you cancel me on insta for all of my actions
please anyone please abuse me so i get what i deserve
it's either that or you're invited to join me as i burn the school down or to my self multilation fest or my suicide
IM SICK OF WAITING FOR THIS DUMBASS MEETING ITS NOT EVEN GOING TO BE TO MY STANDARDS JUST A BUNCHA TRASH

1/8/25
2 days until the surgery

1/6/26
4 days until the surgery
my parents haven't talked to me about it late and i get that they are trying to not make me any more worried about it but why would you keep essentatial info such as if i can eat before or not and if you're allowed to be in the room and how long recovery will probably take in the dark???
i hope that if i say anything whilst woozy that i vent to everyone because perhaps that will get people to listen
and if i ever wake up in a fit due to how high i'll be, please tape my mouth shut
and if my body is weird with anesthesia, now that i am no longer a toddler in baby mode, please avert your eyes and make sure whatever self harm scar it is, that i magically "stop bleeding" by giving me more meds because that's how everything works
and if i ever seem like i'm affected by that 1k amount of fent that the abliest doctor is gonna inject, then i prolly am
and if there's a life threatening situation happening, come into the room instead of waiting there like an old fuck

1/5/26
a buncha words
a buncha fuckups
a buncha fire
and nowhere to stay

1/5/26
1:19 am
msi - cocaine and toupees
is life a box of cocaine or a box of chocolates????

1/3/26
i have so much anger inside me
can't get it out yet because it isn't the meeting yet
the meeting's not even gonna be much
and i will not get anything out of it
just like old times
hahahahahahaaaahaaa
i think i might explode
X.X

1/1/26
they made fun of me not automatically being as fast as them to fetch a words definition out of my head
they got me angry to just make fun of me
the teachers treated this as if it was another daily show of "a person can't take it anymore" with all their popcorn and comfy cinema seats
am i not human enough??!!

12/29/25
my surgery is next week and if my parents still wonder if i'm still afraid of it i'm gonna act like i'm all cured of this and it's totally fine because it's just a waste of time to everyone they just don't say it

12/26/25
wish i could tell my parents that now i'm afraid more of the doctors doing abliest acts while i'm passed out during surgery on 1/11 than i was last fall but it would be sorta awkard to bring up on vaca
i am also trying to muster up bravery to tell ms. mikal about why i quit tlc but i'm scared that she won't be of much assistance to my disibility advocacy seeking ass

12/24/25
"i'm going to clump all neurodivergent people into a small box called 'be proud when they commit suicide' bc i'm abliest! huzzah! i am following autism speaks rules for being a member of society! i can't wait to erase the fact that i am creating the problem and scapegoat it onto them! my family will be so honored to have me as a child'" FUCK YOU YOU LITTLE SHIT IM GONNA BEAT YOU IN THE BUS AND THEN THROW YOUR BODY OVER THE RIDGE

12/20/25
i wish i was born an alien no genitals no work no contact with human kind just gleeb glorp

12/18/25
"it'll get better"
no it won't for an autistic who has a larger suicide rate have you even seen the outside world i need to put on a mask every day to just survive and you're out here thinking that it'll just suddenly become sunshine and rainbows like i'm not autistic and that i'm just a faker of it sybau it only gets better if you're neurotypical and not easily drained and there was a guy a while ago who shot a disabled person so stop giving me hope and stop being so stupid

12/18/25
plans for the rest of my life (it’s 2 am and i need sleep)
get meeting scheduled crash out at meeting go to store to get arson tools (lie about your age if you have to) go to burn down the school (destroy the 1st match box by throwing it in the fire) run away from the cops (if they ever catch up bite them) quickly book a helicopter to travel to do arson from the skies burn down the dentistry burn down a few houses of people you hate go bowling chug soda leave soda remains in lakes and hills steal some cars and destroy them throw a dance party at your house go to a parking lot and sing your lungs out vandalize houses go to the store to get energy drinks, alcohol, and soda if the people you hate haven’t died yet, mix the energy drinks, alcohol, and soda into a gatorade bottle and break into their house to deliver 50 of them spend all of your money make a ramune gun by hot glueing ramune bottles and treat it like a real gun if the people you hate are still alive psychically abuse them make a fake cigar make your whole fit about lying about yourself and pissing people off dye your hair break into a concert venue and go wild and crazy and talk to people make a band stop for a lot of food if someone asks you about your crimes blame it on an anime character or your family go home and finally sleep (maybe, or do it all again)

12/18/25
maybe i wouldn't be like that if i left school and became a neet

12/16/25
how stupid can people be to refer me to best buddies?! i want a meaningful advocacy based club and not a mass manufactured socializing one that prolly won't accept me cuz it's less obvious
they latch onto anything just to get me to shut up
and oh "we could figure out a plan to do it here!" you don't know how trauma impacts the soul
you can't just override me with pills because "that's always the answer in times like this and i have to please big pharma"
you can't keep me in the place i swore to leave years ago
you can't even take abliesm more seriously
and yet your idea of community is a lame assembly where people guess who's singing
what a pathetic joke of a school i have
suicide from your perspective is ugly and you don't understand it and trapping people in a school you hate is the answer, right?!
and hiding it all behind a plastic filter is shitty nonsense
if people commit suicide it's not their problem, it's yours

12/14/25
i wish people were more up front about stuff, instead of using filters all the time. i wouldn’t have to wait for the painful reveal because i’d know already and life would be slightly better for someone who wants to burn down the school because of my disgust of what happened. not just elementary school, all of it.
but if i have to be more up front first for others, then that’s a waste of my time as everything at school is just a waste of time if you’re more at suicide risk than the general population

12/12/25
tighter - msi
at this point i'm ready to give up on anyone based on the slightist minor inconvinence bc i've fucking had it with ya'll wish there was an irasutoya graphic of a man hanging to capture or choking himself how i feel about society
but anyway it's 4 and i'm listening to msi like the slut i am bc i'm plotting destruction plans over here if the 3i/atlas comet doesn't come and kill everyone bc i have like the best arson and etc. plans ever i just need the supplies to do it

12/10/25
i'm honestly running out of time to apply to a new school and you saying i should just stay in the present doesn't really help and at this point it's gonna be i'm denied access by everyone since they don't see the pain and i can't even create a dda (disabilities & disorders allience) here because i just wouldn't go well as a leader and all ms. burelson cares about is numbers on a report card and i shouldn't be framed as a problem because this systems the real problem and i feel if i don't go i'll end up cutting myself again and it's stupid to not even try to go to school that could probably lessen the possible suicide rate for me and "oh we're the best school ever!" you never got a brain when you were born and it shows

12/5/25
survey question: why do you think your education is that important to your future? (in the previous question i put 1 star for how important it is)

answer:
it fucked me up and gave me trauma in the long term and i was bullied for being autistic in elementary school but then the principal was like "you're trapped here and your mental health problems don't matter stay in line with society until you've been suicidal multiple times!" hahhahhaahahaa i can't take it anymore fuck you and fuck giving money to a place that encourages me to hurt my ears to just survive the bus with someone i hate and fuck everyone who gave me trauma you are going to be thrown over the hill near my house and you're house is going to either be burnt down or will be destroyed by the upcoming comet on the 12th of december and never get me started on the 'you’re a p*do supporter bc you listen to msi' bullshit you should stfu if you think that and i don’t care about no 'reputation i have' it never existed and i can do what i want bitch

survey question: what are your plans after high school?

answer:
either a) get outta this town, b) kill myself, c) hurt myself but keep living, d) become obsessed with problematic bands, f) destroy cars, e) arson, g) change my identity, h) be a nasty whore and ruin the lives of people i hate, or k) live my dream life and get everything from my wishlists

12/2/25
https://clover155.atabook.org/


11/30/25
pet - femtanyl

i checked the site for propel montour and it’s so lacking with no clubs listed and no info other than the basic stuff and they have a basic ass doc with all the assessments neurodivergents have to do and it just feels like their being basic since it’s all the propel schools are known for and i dont even belong in my public school that i’m ‘trapped’ to because apparently ‘no other school would have a support system’ for me and yet i still hurt myself and nobody came to the rescue because of course the autistic person’s mental health is avoided because of what they are and how high their grades must be and “well that’s just your life, gotta never be in a school that has more than 14 neurodivergent people because it’s public and local and that means you can’t complain about your trauma!” and at this point i might as well just give up because the staff at my school isn’t gonna understand and their just gonna keep trying to keep me where the trauma is and not try to make my childhood actually happy for once because that’s what society wants!

11/27/25
i've been doing so much society hating recently and honestly maybe i should switch schools

11/21/25
ala mode - msi

fuck everyone who doesn't agree with me on whether i should abuse anyone who i hate or burn their houses down

11/20/25
this is what me and dad talked about in the car yesterday
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dad's just reassuring me bc he's my dad and society will automatically hate me and all my reputation in going to go to the trash even more and this is not a mistake i ligetamitlly made someone feel uncomfy and that's not allowed in society bc society is relying on me being perfect all the time with masking but now that i took the wrong meds at the wrong time and did a distugusting thing prople are never gonna forgive me because it makes me seem like i would support pedophilia bc when i had a crush on aether they were almost 18 and i'm not even allowed to share my own side of story and blame it all on meds (which i wanna do since i think that's what started my phobia) bc society is so strict abt what you can and can't say and people in my gen are probably gonna abuse me after they find out bc that's what's good in the societal image and ok it's fine just abuse me already i'm used to it

11/18/25
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11/8/25
yesterday on a stairway a guy approached me asking how my day was but fast and it was just him and i on the stairway and i was afriad bc i had just seen milo across from me when i was near the doors and to me, this guy is your modern abliest teen boy and i worried that if he would find out that he would infantilize me or stereotype me bc i feel like that's all like the vibe i got from him. total stranger abliest

11/5/25
i don't know who i'm supposed to be anymore because all the time from 12 to 14 and a near half, i've been subject to drugs as in my development process of being from elem school to the end of freshman year never got really established bc i never treated correctly as a child and even before those times i can't trust that it was really still me when i was on meds bc now looking back at it i was forced into the role of suffering to be socially acceptable. even at the doctors office, there was this one doctor who said "it's a uid or birth control" or something like that and looking back on that i'm disgusted that i had a normal forced upon me that i only really followed because it was in line with everyone else and i was obsessed with fitting in as an elementary school bc i was being bullied and yet no one even bothered to check in on me. the psychologist didn't make even one appointment with me and as a youngster, i donated to autism speaks likely because my dad recommended that to me. well that money's wasted and now that i have proof that autism speaks is abliest, it's even more proof that adults just see serface value. i lied to the principal when i was younger that the reason that i was being so bad was that i wanted to dropout of school and she actually believed it, rather than catching onto my depression and actually helping me. and what she said to me afterwards about how i must be trapped in this school district until the end just made it worse. the bitches who are still abliest in this school district piss me off and what pisses me off even more is that teachers will just put them in the back of the class like it's just a few mistakes or whatever, if you are an adult you should know that teens do things purposely, not always on accident and i would much perfer if they were kicked out of the room. i don't know what life i was supposed to have, but in this one all i am to other people is just another animal to roadkill

11/3/25
FUCK YOU IF YOU THINK ITS FINE TO INVALIDATE NEURODIVERGENTS BASED ON THEIR APPEARENCE CAUSE 'oh you don't look autistic' LIKE NO SHIT BITCHY SHERLOCK YOU WERENT BORN LOOKING ABLIEST YOU THICK CRUSTY FOREHEAD MF YOU WERE BORN IN THE SEWERS AND THATS WHERE YOULL GO TO ROT AND DIE SOON IF YOU DONT FUCJING MATURE AND GET YO BITCH ASS UP BY 2027 YEAH AND ILL STUFF YOUR FLESH N GUTS INTO A PLUSHIE AND PUT IT OUT IN MY YARD LIKE A SCARECROW AND WAIT FOR PEOPLE TO GET SCARED

11/2/25
fuck them aba therapists
fuck them autism speaks supporters
fuck them transphobes
fuck them doctors who only care abt profit
i regein supreme
world is a fuck
kill em all 2025
i am trash man
410,757,864,530 dead pedos
HELL YEAH
*becomes skeleton who shoots the entire neighborhood down*

11/2/25
don't care abt what they say abt my disability rights backpack button cuz i'm just a teenage dirtbag baaabbbyyyy
OTHERWISE KNOWN AS IF YOU DON'T AGREE W/ THAT, COME AND SUCK MY DICK !!!!!!!
coming up form teh underworld cuh-cuh-coming up from the underworld ciccaaaaddddaaassss
you yes you 🫵 you abliest motehrfucker will be stormed with cicadas in your house that will explode ur Cock on october 14th 2030

10/14/25
fuck what my mom said about me not being able to burn down the school due to low impact the fuck does she know? nothing this is going to be a top tier mission with proper equipment to blend in at night not some idiotic attempt at daytime, you drugged rat i am a superior person, therefore i am always a god

10/12/25
FUCK EVERYONE FUCK DOCTORS AND FUCK MEDS AND FUCK ABLEISM IM BOUT TO BURN IT ALL DOWN
ARSON TIME 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

9/8/25
HOPE ALL DOCS OVERDOSE ON THE MEDS THEY PRESCRIBE SO THEY CAN STOP MAKING TERRIBLE PRESCRIPTION DECISIONS

7/19/25
IAMGODPLEASEPRAISEME

6/25/25
KILLEVERYONEWHOTROUBLESYOU

6/26/25
KILLKILLKILL

6/16/25
I AM TOTALLYGOD AND WHOVER DINIES THIS WILL BE EXUCUTED

5/27/25
ADDICTED TO THINKING ABOUT ARSON
ASHES ASHES THEY ALL FALL DOWN

5/25/25
GIVE ME BURNING SUPPLIES NOW GIVE ME LOVE NOW AND DONT EVER FUCKING GET IN MY WAY

5/21/25
i like arson 🌈🔥 and i wanna BURN my classmates house down so badly 🌈🔥or i could kidnap him and set him on fire🌈🔥
AND I DONT FUCKING CARE IF THE COPS ARE GONNA PUT ME IN JAIL IM GONNA DO IT 🌈🔥

Edit

Pub: 27 Oct 2025 08:43 UTC

Edit: 10 Jan 2026 18:36 UTC

Views: 94