~ anna's diary ~

basically just a page for me to write whatever i want, obviously! i don't care if any1 reads it lmao

cute art by @MAYO_TEN4 on twitter <3


2026-06-07

MY FIRST ENTRY!!! i got this idea to start a diary after i stumbled upon someone else's rentry diary and thought i should start one too, since i need some place to express my thoughts.

i was just looking at the scars on my arms, at how faded they were, when a notification came up on my phone that says i'm three weeks clean from self-harm. it makes me wonder when i'm going to relapse again. it's harder for me to get away with cutting now that it's summer, but i desperately want to feel that familiar sensation.

i'm aware that cutting oneself is a horrible coping mechanism, but it's also a kink for me. i suppose that's why i feel next to no shame after i cut, unlike a lot of other people.

i usually wear jeans regardless of the weather, so i could just cut my legs. it's not the same as cutting one's arms, though...

i'm going to listen to depressing music to try to stave off this feeling ;D


2026-06-08

listening to daughter of darkness by natural snow buildings in full for the second time. the first time i listened was a couple of years ago, so i don't remember much (especially since it's such a long album), but i like what i'm hearing so far.

nsb's style of tribalistic psychedelic/free folk has always appealed to me, ever since i first listened to them. i greatly enjoy the eclectic blend of instrumentation and elements, which definitely make up for the intimidatingly long runtimes of their albums. the vocals, too, are absolutely gorgeous.

also why does it have to be so fucking humid in my bedroom what the hell


2026-06-08 #2

imagine you get one shot at life and you're born a tranny. lol. couldn't be me... heh...

voice training genuinely makes me wanna kill myself. why do i have to put in all this effort just to sound like a cis female? this shit isn't fucking fair. but i'll do it anyway. at least my face passes...


2026-06-10

find a job in a conservative city (difficulty level: trans)

seriously tho fuck these ppl, fuck everything. i hate this


2026-06-10 #2

doing bingo cards to distract myself from wanting to relapse (i have quite a few saved on my phone)

kinks bingo. coulda had three but latex does nothing for me unforch

yellow = used to write but haven't done it in a while

i feel as though a lot of these are generalizations and can apply to anyone. not an accurate representation of one's mbti.

SH bingo



my tritype c:


2026-06-11

the feminine urge to slit ur wrists after any minor inconvenience

or just bc u feel like it lolz


2026-06-20

hmhm nine days since my last entry!

i feel like shit, mentally and physically. i still don't have a job, and i feel worthless bc of it. i have no hope for the future. today, i did nothing but sit in my room and play mudae.

life feels unbearably dull. i don't even want to write anymore, and i usually love writing. my dopamine receptors must be fried beyond belief because nothing brings me joy anymore. i take my meds every day, but they don't seem to do anything.

self-harm, as a coping mechanism, no longer does anything for me. whereas it used to provide temporary relief from any mental anguish through physical pain, now it just makes me feel unfulfilled and craving for more, regardless of how much i cut.

i wish i could go to sleep and not wake up. it would save me the trouble of having to go through the steps of killing myself, if i could even bring myself to do so. i don't care about how my family would feel if i died, or how anyone would feel. i just don't want to exist anymore.


2026-06-21

i feel a bit better today, but i still think i'd be better off dead. hopefully this feeling subsides soon.


2026-06-21 #2

somehow a mosquito bit my nipple and omg it itches SO FUCKING MUCH

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Pub: 13 Feb 2023 23:48 UTC

Edit: 23 Jun 2026 14:48 UTC

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