thursday, 5.14.26

i was thinking this morning.. im really glad that im here with everyone and able to support people the most i can :) idk i sound a little pathetic me thinks but i really like how ive come to school and got closer with so many people, motivating myself to work harder ect!

im proud of myself, i think!

omg and off topic (sad but yk) i feel like i shouldn’t be sad! like.. people have it so much worse than me- my life isn’t bad like.. at all! (i think??) IDK i feel super weird when i say im sad when like.. compared to other people they have so much less or have it worse than me. GULP

wednesday, 5.13.26

AGH THAT WAS SO CUTE TODAY! I cant believe he would do that over me leaving... so cute. too damned cute for others!

iiiiiii got a new bathing suit! to the people i showed i hope they thought it was actually cute on meh and not just a "oh ya its cute!" cuz i liked it. I hope everyone else who saw it actually liked it cuz i thought it was kawaiii.... i had a mango pineapple refresher from mcd. please they are so freaking good. Aghhhh

monday, 5.11.26

i actually love being called a puppy dude. Too much? Oh ok ill make another rant url for weird stuff..

sleepy and stuff !!! good day :D fun first period and stuff! im super tired.. i need to stop drinking coffee and things. my heart rate was SO high! :P I saw meh boyfriend and jay! SO FUN!!!!

sunday, 5.10.26

i think i overthink too much...! >c<

holy fuck dude the columbus tornado is so beautiful. it is only classified as an ef2 but had very pretty footage! the tornado took place in 1998!!!

this torando was classified as an ef2 because the only major things it hit was a farm (i think) and fields! it was a wedge but quickly turned into a rope before dissipating just as fast! its so cool!!! the tornado would have been classified as higher if it did hit peoples homes and stuff!! ^.^

7:17pm : ive felt like a bothersome today, like.. alot. i havent recieved many messages from anyone but i still message people? i cant explain it! people DO have lives out of talking with me.. i feel like people are forced to talk to me since i message so much.. its dumb, maybe. i feel sad alot recently when nobody talks to me i guess!! um. well, i played basketball and volleyball! our team won with me doing the final points, it was a 2v2! it was fun! i scored i think... 5-7? i cant recall. but it was fun! i like talking about my day even if nobody is listening so here i come to rant :) yay! yay....

im such high maintenance i’m sorry

7:58pm : my anxiety is so fucking bad right now dude i genuinely might have a panic attack??? why an i overthinking???? im sure its fine???? why do i feel the need to ??? myself???????? oh my god my heart is racing so bad........ i promised myself i wouldnt be a nuisance for anyone...... im gonna blank myself or somethjgn

8:03pm : i am crying

saturday, 5.09.26

guys i hung out with my boyfriend all day :D jay called us and it was super super fun!!! ate his food.. i feel bad.. but... YA!!!! He got lucky i didnt steal pleco grrr...

friday, 5.08.26

i sleepy and stuff. i had a sugar high me thinks..? i just slept last period.. i hate not being prooooductive..!!! but... i saw jay and jeremy today! no lexie 3: but its ok.. i had an amazing day, really!!

thursday, 5.07.26

today was relatively good! i tried my best to make it a good day. alot of things make me sad and today was sad at the beginning.. but it ended off nicely! gym soo fun! well. kind of? my anxiety peaked at the end, and during warmups. i really hate not being able to do something for someone (people) like comforting easily. despite being sooo extroverted, i cant comfort as much as i'd like! but anyways, my mouth salivated in the way that said "youre going to throw up" but i didnt- so thats good! i felt so sick in the beginning of today.

could i have done more to prevent such a thing happening? talking more- maybe?

i wish i could reassure and comfort people more.. and maybe not get angry over little things? (was not a small issue btw)

-- and keep your dirty fucking paws off my boyfriend youre a weird smoking addicted cuck that wont get anywhere in life... ;-;

wednesday, 5.06.26

today was like... mid? very mid.. below mid maybe. i dunno. first period was fine i GUESS? i felt really bad towards lexie for yesterday and verbally apologized (which i didnt take in much since i really do feel like i should say sorry more) and like.. after a play / a field trip to go see um the great gatsby.. but also lunch was weird. i was hungry but i honestly just didnt want to eat. i dont know why and i know its bad to be skipping meals willingly but i dunno :p.. it was once itll be fine! i will try to not make a habit out of it!

i feel like i should try harder maybe? towards both of them? and my academics too (i have 93+ in all my classes yet i want to do better) and today? well i dont know how to do simple fucking algebra.. i feel stupid. so fucking stupid. shouldn't i be able to do this easier, faster, quicker? and being told "its easy" or something really doesn't help i guezzz !!! im being overdramatic as always but i just... want to be better for everyone. Almost crying during lunch because of algebra annoys me. i hate when people are better at something than me. i hate not being special or good in any particular topic...

i think i might burn myself out. but im going to try harder, i think. ill try harder to try harder, i swear to everyone. ill do better in everything and talk more, swear to be more expressive and try to not be sad or annoyed easily so much! i wont let-- well, nevermind about that one. hahaa! but... burn out to myself is better than others being sad over or around me :D Yay yes yes yes!!!! yes.......... i want to please others more than myself. once again, a very weird feeling that i dont know how to get rid of. im like a kicked puppy you'll never be able to get rid of since i just try to do better despite not being able to do more even if its unneeded and unnesseccary (???)

should i stop expressing myself as much i dunno. just get better and school and.. things!

oh and i thought about relapsing today That was a weird feeling in school, the dizziness is such a weird feeling when youre trying to concentrate GULP!

how can i do better for everyone around me?

i dont feel like doing anything today i hate this feeling of helplessness (???) and i hate procrastination!!!!

i wish when people were sad or annoyed i could cheer them up quickly or take their emotions so they can be joyous!

FUCK and i HATE not understanding something immediately like oh my god please stop being so fucking stupid. im going to cry later i think

we didnt talk much today neither i feel bad again i should have said sorry to lexie more and tried to talk to my boyfriend more i think. ill try again tomorrow. i want fairness and peace and love and to be very joyous and happy yes yes yes! I dont know why i am so dimmed today, maybe because im tired? Who knows it doesnt matter starting from now im going to stop complaining directly to people or try to prevent it unless its NECESSARILY POSITIVELY NEEDED. I think thats a good plan

i hope i have a fullfilling life im sad very so so so sad right now i dont know! i want to talk to someone but i told myself well i didnt say anything, actually. i just dont think people ask to call or want to call unless i ask. awkward! honetly im crying right now gulp...! Quite pathetic i dare say.

more onto my day since i dont have anyone to talk to about it. ummm last period was fun, as always.. well... usually since lexie is there she so kool! umm during the field trip i went with my cousin so that was cool, these guys infront of us kept talking but they were kind of funny (i cant really remember i was so sleepy) then like... i fell asleep for a few mins when the play was going on haha!!!! the guys infront of us kept starting the clapping that usually happened so that was cool as well... um well also i asked a question! infront of.. like a thousand people so cool! i asked the actor who his fave role to play was :D so i was super shaky after i did ask but in the end i was okay! then we got back to school...... we know how that went... haha but it was fun i think it was maybe the highlight of my day :P i wish i could sleep now

how can i make people feel more included? can i Well nevermind dude this topic is sensitive for me I just wish i could do more for people around me. Maybe ill kill myself and never have people worry about me again idk

and i petted a dog in first period it was SO cute! lexie was next to me when i did it! i was hoping my teacher wasnt there but... she was.. fuck dude im a yapper is this what people have to deal with on a daily basis........ maybe one day i should see how long i can go in a day without yapping... hard challenge maybe tommorrow IDK! :D

sobs i love my boyfriend i want to do more for this boy!!!!!!!!

OMG i hope people dont think that they need to do more for me... gulps harshly. I want to do more for other people stop I dont like this. Pls let me care for you not the other way around OH MY GOOOOD! Plsplspslpslsplsplspslsplspls..... Hey alex g sorry is playing. dis meh ;-;

i had dinner. i ate too much...... Gulp. ive been skipping dessert recently so hopefully that helps me thinks??? Idk i didnt do anything to deserve it if that makes sense... its like a dog who didnt sit for treats! you didnt sit? dont deserve them! didnt do anything good today? nono! thats a weird mentality.... Huh. thats like... super weird. Haha torandos are so cool ill talk about it here since... i guess nobody wants to..... yeah! the tornado that hit edin was the first torando to hit that specific area since 1991! wow so far from now! :P fuck my stomach hurts so bad i ate so much........ ggrrrhhhh

im gonna sleep soon i talked alot today. even on here i talk alot

i dont know why im so sad i have no reason to be unlike other people in the world.. dangit

i acted pathetic today. im sorry to anyone i made annoyed or frustrated with me today, ill be better

monday, 5.04.26

He says it’s ok but i really don’t think it’s okay from me! it’s really pathetic how i genuinely didn’t pay much mind to this poor boy when he actually walked 40+ minutes to see me for literally 20 minutes and we didn’t even talk much because that’s my fault. it’s my fucking fault and i genuinely feel so bad that i didn’t give him more attention. it’s so fucking stupid of me and i don’t know why i even offered for him to meet. merely being near him was enough for me personally but in my perspective i didn’t do much compared to him (walking) so i totally understand why he was annoyed / pissed at the idea (fact) that it happened. i feel so stupid for not considering his feelings in the moment especially. i was going to say sorry later but fuck it doesn’t make up for time wasted on me. On me of all people. I’m sorry baby, i’m sorry. i’m sorry i’m sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im really fucking sorry. so so so sorry. I know you said it was for “future” ref but it shouldn’t have been something that happened. Ok tears well a little while writing this i’m okay I’m ok i’m ok. No i’m not i feel pathetic i’m horrible i’m a fucking horrible girlfriend Dude Why did i do that. DAMNITTT!!!!!!! I FEEL SO FUCKING BAD IM SORRY!!!!!!!

Oh and I got made fun of my laugh again today maybe i’ll just go silent more often around some people, lol. Lol…

I’m so stupid and annoying Kill yourself bro

thursday, 4.30.26

hypothetically who is technically missing me if i go missing or die.... just thinking because thinking i think everyone could live their lifes off without me.. haha just kidding guys im just sad

Haha. So.. who missing me

wednesday, 4.22.26

i guess i do just talk to talk #lockin

tuesday, 4.21.26

uneventful day i guess

sunday, 3.4.26

happy easter everyone!! my crush is my boyfriend now :D im gonna hang out with lexie monday to wednesday! then hang out with my boyfriend later this week!! yayayay!!

thursday, 3.18.26

hi guys today was so sad and so good at the same time idk how to explain it... :p I saw mi crush but then i thought he was annoyed at the end of the day so it ruined my mood Then yeah he said hes ok But is he really... Ponder Ponder...

saturday, 2.23.26

its like theres no joy in the house bruh

thursday, 2.19.26

my torso hurts so bad i have rest day tomorrow DONT invest in working out!

wednesday, 2.18.26

started working out!

tuesday, 2.17.26

it feels like nobody is interested in conversation with me recently

sunday, 2.1.26

Watch Iron lung its peak

saturday, 1.31.26

going to the movies tomorrow for the markiplier movie!!! ANDDD next week im going out with lexie!! IM SO EXITED!!! This week should be so gooood!!!

saturday, 1.24.26

hmnn im sleepy sleepy kinda sad and annoyed but sleepy

wednesday, 1.21.26

I have lost the will to live, simply nothing more to give I love you metallica can you play near here? Why didnt me and dad go see you sooner?

tuesdsy, 1.20.26

i think i am suicidal HahahHahahahHahahahahHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ill DIE
i miss your headpats dad
if you die would you be mad if i joined Haha

tuesday, 12.16.25

its my birthday im offically 17
i hate my birthday

monday, 12.15.25

ate food just to throw it up
i really miss my daddy. i want my dad to comfort me. come home please dad i need you. ill kill myself if you arent here for me soon. day 3.

sunday, 12.14.25

its 8am i woke up 4 times last night, now i feel like im going to throw up. worst sleep of my life.. is it because i didnt eat or drink anything yesterday?

saturday, 12.13.25

worst day of my life

thrusday, 12.11.25

i only went 2 days this week to school. i am dissapointed in myself immeasurably.. im sad. and tomorrow im missing because we dont have fuel in the house (hot water). i cant go to school without a shower id feel disgusting

am i dissapointing people?

tuesday, 12.9.25

bro i cant tell if im sick or something but i do NOT feel good. not even that i dont feel good actually dont let me lie.. i just cant BREATHE Like why the HELLL i was fine this whole morning now after and during brushing my teeth i dont feel well and i have to take very deep breaths to breathe.. i think ill DIE and DIE and... DIE...!!

wait i cant die i have to play roblox with my girlfriend first

12:11pm :: my daddy gave head pats i really like head rubs but nobody need to know that because im nonchalant .. "youre not nonchalant" the world says yet i say i am in pure joy

saturday, 12.6.25

dude im crine i stared vr chat today and it has to be one of the corniest and funniest things i think ive ever played other than those roblox lgbtq hangouts or people genuinely roleplaying up in avatar catalouge..

but i spent like 2 hours on the game, i have a kaiser character and im super kewl!!! alot of people added me already on the game but theyre all furries... one of the mods got mad at me because i was stalking their conversation.. Like omg sorry im nosey... and dude there was this guy singing and he needed to QUITTT like actually QUIT.... Then i was joking about phantom pain and phantom sense with some guy and lowkey I got kicked from the server.. i thought it was funny cuz i PERSONALLY laughed about it.. BUT WHATEVER

wednesday, 12.3.25

having people to vent to really helps a person i feel like. i vent to my friend who i dont really talk to often today-- i just dont want to be a burden to anyone but what he said i feel like really helped me :) i dont want to be a bother to people or to my girlfriend, so i feel like me talking to someone else for once in awhile helped. he said i should talk to my father about how i have been feeling but i dont think i could fathom up the idea to do that and put pressue onto my lovely dad like that! i love him so much and feel like he deserves so much more than me. been thinking about relapsing and suicide, but talking to him and getting EVERYTHING off my chest really did help alot. even if i still seem demotivated quickly at alot of things now, im just happy to talk to someone.

he made an idea stand out to me, i would say that i am a "burden" and dont want to be one to people while talking about my issues to them, but he said "Well, if lexie wanted to talk to you about her problems, would she be a burden to you?" and i said no.. well he lowkey clocked me because i am honestly just hypocritical when it comes to me and myself. i dont people to worry about me, yet i will worry my soul out to others.

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Pub: 25 May 2022 17:49 UTC

Edit: 14 May 2026 23:38 UTC

Views: 984