VERY OUTDATED

warning before you interact

this will be edited later, im at school. please take the time to read this, as it is the most important page in this rentry.

page belongs to syshost : skate
written by sys protector : coil (and skate also did stuff i guess.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

like we mentioned earlier, we have bpd and did.
why are we bringing this up now? as a warning to people who have little trust or dislike people with these disorders.

we are very, very flawed as a person. im not saying this to gain pity, im saying it because it's true and healing takes a lot of time and effort, and we've been working on ourselves for years, but people need to understand it's also very easy for us to screw up and have to pick ourselves back up again.

if we do anything to upset you, talk to us. i understand confrontation is uncomfortable, but we can't take a guess or read minds. we are very willing to give explanations or fix the issue if you talk to us, but do not get upset with us if you didn't bother to reach out about an issue. that is not our fault.

please, please, read this list before you interact with us, or even if we are friends already, just to know what to look out for when you hang out with us, because these are things we do often, usually without noticing or being fully aware

for starters, the most important thing right now is that our host is unstable at the moment
he cannot front often anymore. this means others will be fronting for a while until skate is okay again. this does mean you'll have to deal with different behaviors and alters. if we are distant, clingy, awkward, etc., just remember it's because we are different parts. do not ask for skate unless you're very close to him and can actually handle him while hes not okay. it's not fair for him to front for no reason when he's in a bad state. this part wil be edited when seven/skate is stable and fronting again.

secondly, our mood swings and more importantly, our bpd episodes/splits
im bringing this up because during any low period of our life, we tend to distance ourselves from people. it doesnt mean we hate you, we do it intentionally to let ourselves cool off and take a mental break. its hard for us to socialize and pretend we're okay when we dont feel okay, and we prefer to deal with it alone rather than have people try to deal with our moodiness. we usually only stay with our safe people (our family + rina, but some alters have different safe people) during these periods.
dont take our distance to heart, if you dont like us distancing ourselves when we're upset, its best not to interact with us at all, becuase episodes are sort of a frequent thing for us, and sometimes theyre heavy

thirdly, our struggle with texting first. and our mirroring behavior tendencies
texting first,,,, this is something we've struggled with for years, and we can only bring ourselves to text a selective group of people first. again, do not take it personally, it doesnt mean we dislike you. we just either arent close enough or don't know if we should talk with you. we tend to overthink alot and arent very sure if people actually like our company, so we tend to wait for people to talk to us first before engaging with them. after someone lashes out at us or gets distant/dry, we tend to speak less to that person. not out of pettiness, but because we're unsure if we're still welcomed in their space
as for our mirroring, this is a common trait with people who have bpd, and we also do it affectionately / a form of defense depending on the situation, we've been called out for it before because people assumed we we're trying to mock them or be more like them and that is just?????? not the case LOL. we mirror behavior and repeat phrases from people we like affectionately, because its fun and we like joking with people like that. sometimes we just dont know what to say in response to something, so we repeat it or say something like "ouuuh" instead. it doesnt mean we think youre boring ok!!!!!!!!
like i said though, it can also be a form of defense. if someone suddenly distances or gets dry, we mirror that. we get paranoid easily, and we prefer not to chase after people and try to keep them around if they show "signs" of not wanting us around. we just tend to wait for reassurance that the person still wants to be our friend. we have lost contact with plenty of people because of that, and we understand that it an issue we have to fix with ourselves,, we are getting help for it.

other stuff
despite all of these flaws, we do like the company of our friends alot and we will spend time with them when we are invited to. unfortunately, nowadays our energy is drained sorta fast and we end up being less energetic and/or leaving early to rest. not anybodies fault, you have to remember we have a life outside of the internet.

we are very open to meeting new people or talking with old friends again, we just come off as a little awkward at first until we're close with you. we also enjoy being a part of groups too, we actually prefer group activities more than us and one individual cause its harder for us to keep a conversation going with one person alone unfortunately,,,,,,,, but we are still open to those types of interactions as well. we wont get better at it if we dont try right!!!!

thaaaaaats pretty much it? ithink. im putting this out here because i see alot of people online talking about how frustrating it is to handle people like me, and i agree. its hard to maintain a friendship or any type of relationship with people like me if you dont know what youre getting into. people have treated me differently after a while of spending time with me because i would act different during my low moments, and i understand why. its a sudden and unexpected change. we dont want to cause any more harm or discomfort with people we know or new people we'll meet, and thats why we took the time to put a warning in advance on our public rentry

thank you for reading this, click here to go back to the main page.