Noelle rarely squabbled with her mother since any back-talk resulted in a worse lashing in return, but she refused to let Susie be bad-mouthed over dinner tonight. Both of them got their barbs in, but when Noelle declared it ‘unfair’ that she wasn’t allowed to date Susie, her mother’s attitude changed entirely. A silent rage seemed to suddenly fill her, and the whole world stopped for a second.
The knife stabbed into the steak without enough force to slam the plate down against the table, silencing Noelle. The knuckles wrapping around the handle were taut and red through the fur; the fork in Carol’s hand shook for a few seconds, and then calmed.
“Unfair? It’s… unfair?” Despite gritting her teeth with as much force as possible, the words managed to escape and were crystal clear. Even in this state of barely contained rage, she spoke with calm authority. “Life is unfair, Noelle. Are you still naive enough to believe it isn’t?”
Noelle slinked back in her chair and stared at her plate, the flame of rebellion smothered. This was going to be another one of those nights. The best thing to do was keep her head down and nod along, to not provoke her any further.
“Look at me.” Her mother’s gaze was piercing and frigid, like always. This was going to be one of those nights. The knife and fork scraping against the plate made her cringe and reflexively sink further down into her chair to get away.
“I’ll tell you about ‘unfair’.” Her mother looked down at her plate and stared at it, slowly cutting the small steak and watching the juices ooze out. “Unfair is when someone you love refuses you. Unfair is when you think you have something special with another, and then they use you and push you away. That’s what unfair is, Noelle.”
She took a small sip of her wine glass… then downed the rest of it, and started pouring out another. “You don’t need her, Noelle. She just wants to use you. Nothing more, nothing less.” That stare returned to her, the wine glass half filled. “She’ll say she loves you, that you’re her one and only, and then she’ll run off with someone else because she’s afraid to commit. She’s a coward.”
Her hand tilted away to stop pouring, the glass nearly filled to the brim. The liquid was still as she brought it up to her lips and drank deeply from it again. Noelle shifted uncomfortably in her chair. She had to say something in defense, even if it would result in more verbal lashing. “S-Susie isn’t like that Mom, she… she’s cool...”
Carol made a choking noise, pulled the half empty glass away, and calmly wiped her lips. Noelle shrunk further into her seat as her mother’s eyes tried to freeze her. It felt like the room’s temperature dropped by ten degrees.
“She’s… ‘cool’?” Noelle couldn’t look at her. It sounded so stupid when repeated through the tranquil fury of her mother’s voice. The gentle clink of the wine glass being set down on the table echoed through the room.
The sigh of disappointment stung worse than any physical assault could. “I knew someone ‘cool’, once. Everyone invited her to parties, she made everyone laugh, they all wanted to ‘get to know her’… She left me for Asgore instead.” The glass clinked off the table again, and Carol swirled it in her hand, watching the liquid slosh with the motion. “Then I spent the next twenty-seven years watching it all fall apart.” She took a slow sip from the glass.
Noelle stared at her mother in slack jawed disbelief. This went somewhere she really didn’t like, and her mother did it so casually. She tried to say something, but the words refused to come out as Carol glared at her.
Another disappointed sigh, another swig of the wine glass. She swished it around her mouth, furrowed her eyebrows, and reluctantly gulped it down. “I met your Father that night. The circumstances could have been… better.” Her eyes were focused on something distant while staring at the wall. “She doesn’t truly love you, Noelle. She only wants you because of who you are, not because of who you are.” Her gaze locked back onto the bewildered girl. “Do you understand?”
Noelle slowly nodded and Carol gulped down the rest of the glass. She let out a loud ‘Tch!’ when only a few drops came out of the bottle, and got up to get another. Noelle pushed the food around on her plate as bottles clinked in the beverage mini-fridge. She… wasn’t really that hungry any more.
The loud clink of the bottle on the table made her jump. The liquid inside was a strange green color and a large ‘eighty-percent proof’ was stamped under the name ‘Absinthe’. A strange glass with Christmas theming and an oval in the middle was put down next to it.
Another loud sigh from her mother as she poured the strange liquid into the glass, her gaze locking onto Noelle again. “I did it for your own well being, Noelle. I did it because I care about you.” It seemed like she was talking more to herself than Noelle, looking through or past her rather than at her. There was a strange sadness in her eyes and voice, betraying her stone visage.
She stared at the wall for the rest of the night, slowly nursing the drink. The way she carried herself barely changed, despite slowly working her way through half of the bottle. Noelle had to work up the courage to ask the one question this all raised for her, only able to ask it after spending minutes staring at her plate. “Do… Do you love Dad?”
Carol scowled at her. “Of course I love him. Why would I have two children with someone I didn’t love?” It carried absolute vitriol that slapped Noelle in the face, making her feel like an idiot and shrinking back again. She nodded and quickly said, “M-May I be excused?” Her mother looked back at the wall and returned the nod while sipping her drink.
Noelle tried to leave as quickly and quietly and possible, dumping the food left on her plate out into the trash. Before she left the dining room however, she heard her mother mumble, “I could have made her happy.” Noelle glanced over at her, and she was still staring at the wall, glass set on the table and slowly being turned in place. It felt like the distance between both of them had shrunk, yet somehow grown far deeper.
Noelle couldn’t sleep at all that night. Instead, she stared at the ceiling and screamed internally the whole time.