I've always been smitten by the female form; the sensuous curves, rounded features, and associated trappings. I've never been drawn to nor paid any attention to men or manly forms...except, perhaps, the penis. But only as a singular attractant. These days of prolific internet porn of all perversions and tastes, I've noticed that I am not alone in my erotic urges and that even though a cross dresser/transvestite may have noticeably male features, when thoughtfully made up, they can sometimes be incredibly desirable.

When I see photos of men, I have no urge or attraction. Shave them, make them up, put them in women's under things and clothes, and my groin tweaks and my ass clenches in empty longing. I can't tell if I'm gay or what. All I know is that I am not the least bit attracted to men. But put it into female form and I long to be the groveling cock-pit...use me...abuse me...humiliate me...I'm all in.

I was married and my, basically, vanilla wife and I chose to forgo children as we agreed on negative population growth as a life model. After 22 years of marriage she passed away of a sudden heart attack. We were both well paid professionals with disposable income (no kids) so we were financially secure and her life insurance plus joint income-generating investments left me with no bills short of the usual monthlies (utilities and such) leaving me more or less monetarily independent...and often bored.

The dawn of the digital age, the internet and my financial freedom allowed a sordid cure for my boredom. Exploring the abundant and easily available pornography. My predilection for the female form and my fascination with cocks naturally led my to crossdressing and she-male porn. On-line shopping allowed the accumulation of whatever paraphernalia struck my erotic attention.

The more I "played", the more bizarre my mental wanderings. Eventually, through discussion groups and forums, I came across a local low-profile group that gathered on a regular basis for "dress-up sex play". I was able, with some persistence, to contact a member and inquired about possibly joining the group. A casual interview was scheduled by email at a quiet local restaurant. I was to be ready to provide personal body measurements as listed in an attachment and meet Tracy.

Tracy was a slim built average looking man with an easy, soft smile and gentle eyes. After introductions, ordering drinks and a light lunch he said, "Ours," he quietly spoke, "is a very low-profile group. We do not, as a rule, associate with each other outside our scheduled gatherings. Most of us are not homosexuals and many are married, some of whom include their spouses, after, of course the group agrees. So today I am authorized by the group (we had a group meeting about you) to query you about suitability for inclusion and, if all is in accord, allow that you join our horny group. I will be asking highly personal questions about many things; to include your sexual history, fantasies and expectations. The nature of our group activities demands absolute open honesty on matters fundamental to those activities. We must insist on public anonymity as our vanilla lives span engineering, psychology, law, medicine, business and other, often publicly visible, occupations, thus our choice not to socialize outside our group activities. We also require a test for HIV...safety first. Nothing moves forward until that bridge is crossed. You have my email address to which you will send your results.

We currently enjoy nineteen active members, fourteen inactive, and one novitiate who will become a full member if you are selected and chose to abide by the guidelines of our group. You would become the new novitiate and assume her "duties."

Then began the questioning. For more than an hour he quietly queried my sexual history as far back as I could remember. He was remarkable. His tailored questions pulled personal thoughts, feelings, and dreams I never realized were hiding in my sub-conscience. The experience was like a revelation for me, and very arousing. I didn't know whether to have a raging erection or get lost in the paths of personal awareness. I saw myself in a new light and understood more about my own passions...sexual and otherwise.

"Let's take a break and have a drink" he said. "You look like one who has a lot to digest." And he was right. I had no idea my sexual proclivities had such deep roots which were, at the time, seemingly innocuous incidents.

With drinks in hand we explored my expectations and how well they would mesh with the group character. Honestly...the only expectation I now envisioned had just grown from the newly-formed perspective of my un-quenching hunger. I was searching for... acceptance...of sorts.

He explained that the group was begun by a small number of liberal open-minded men who were all looking for a way to explore alternative erotic gender activities free from relationship baggage and associated guilt: Safely, without judgement, yet remaining anonymous to the rest of the world. Active members regularly participate in get-togethers and have voting rights on current group concerns (which seldom arise). As the announcements for gatherings are sent to all members, an RSVP reactivates the inactive members to participating status. All currently participating members contribute once a year to the event so snacks and non-alcoholic beverages can be made available. Reactivated members are expected to contribute prior to attending. If hard drink is wanted, it is upon the individual to "byob" but only four ounces of spirits, or two beers, or a small wine bottle per member may be brought. The date of each gathering is decided by collective email shortly after the most current event, the date finalized after coordination of everyones calendars. The events are graciously hosted by one of our most senior members in his home. He is unmarried and is lucky to have "old money" so public image has no hold on him. A dressing room is situated just inside one entry and exits into the "play area". A member may choose to arrive dressed en femme but most usually use the dressing room to avoid prying eyes.

"Have you a gurl name you identify with?" Tracy asked "Not really a gurl name", I replied, "as much as a submissive nom-de-plum so to speak...pantiwaste". You will be referred to as such when on the event property" said tracy.

"That is the gist of the play and general logistics" he said. "There are, of course, some rules for participation.

As I stated HIV testing is required. Nothing moves forward without that.

Outside the dressing room (in the play area) only gurl attire is worn.

All gurls will be scrupulously clean...inside (I will send you guidelines about that) as well as outside.

Only gurl names are ever used.

Safe cleansers and equipped facilities are graciously provided. Use of these amenities is greatly encouraged.

BDSM may be pursued by agreeable participants but no blood will be shed. BYO specialized tools and/or toys.

Be cleanly shaven...all over: legs, underarms, anus etc. your pubic region is up to you, but all the current members are fully shaven.

Jealousy could undermine the fundamental intent of the group, which is to have space to explore what the frightened and delusional moral right has decided is perverted and sinful, thus no outside associations. The moral right do not bother to think. They've been trained to react so we give them no reason to see us.

Otherwise, in the play area, you more or less indulge yourself as you wish.

Only the novitiate has additional duties. As a novitiate, you will need to arrive one hour early to set up the food and drinks, and other chores in preparation of the guest arrivals. It really is a simple task taking little actual time and effort. You will also be the group's beck-and-call gurl; serving drinks, removing snack and drink debris, among other things. You must learn to be "in-service". You will be, as I said, our beck-and-call girl. Provided the request is not medically unsafe, you are expected to comply. This will be more relevant for future gatherings

This first attendance will be your initiation as novitiate. Be clean inside and out but bring no gurl clothes. Those clothes will be gifted to the initiate from the members. Initiations often bring out inactive members because they like new toys (that would be you). You will be subjected to a complete examination by any or all in attendance. When word of you is sent to the members I expect to hear from many older members. I recommend that you practice boi-pussy stretching in preparation. I have your email address and I will provide the date and location after we have your lab report. Look for the heading "New initiate". You will have a separate attachment not provided to the rest of the members with instructions specifically for you. Our hostess will "show you the ropes" of your duties when you arrive.

"In case you are concerned, on your initiation you will have plenty of sex, but not, perhaps, as you may anticipate." And the interview was complete.

That afternoon I arranged my test. When the results were back (absolutely clean, of course) I sent it to Tracy, and waited impatiently for my acceptance instructions. It was three more weeks before the email came. The directions were to a property away from the lights of the city. I googled it but got nothing worth my effort.

Three weeks later, prepared as directed, I'm driving to a gated drive where I am questioned by a surly security person and directed to an entrance.

As I approached the house, an older elegantly made up woman was coming out of the side wing wearing heels, corset, hose, and a see-through robe. As I drew closer, I saw thar she was, in fact an older he. She pointed to a parking area and beckoned me in.

We entered a large, pink-tiled, low ceiling room with elegant wooden opened lockers, each with compact and lit make-up shelves and mirrors. My host introduced herself. "I'm Celia," she stated in a soft quiet falsetto voice, "and you would be pantiwaste. I am the hostess for these events," she continues, in a soft practiced voice, "but you will be the hostess of the gatherings until such a time a new initiate is acquired. Please remove your cloths and hang them in the last locker."

I strode past the rows of lockers to the back wall. The last locker had a sign over the door "House Bitch". I removed my clothes and returned to stand before Celia, my cock beginning to engorged in humiliation and anticipation. She eyed my impending erection and smiled. "This, as you can see, is the locker room. There are showers and toilets but no stalls or urinals. After all" she chided "we're all girls here and we sit to tinkle". She turned smiling and said "Come with me" and exited the pink palace.

I was ushered into, what she identified as, the play area... a large, low ceiling space full of a variety of comfortable-looking couches, cushioned pits, entertainment theatre, lounges, and large, wide deeply cushioned chairs done up in pink and gray colors; a small bar with a fridge, microwave, and sink...basically a kitchenette. Leading me to a nearby wall, she opened a set of shutter-type doors to reveal a large lavatory with institutional toilets without stalls, sinks with shower hoses with various attachments, including shower-heads above the toilets, as well as a large shower area sufficient to shower at least ten adults at one time.

"Have a seat, dear" she said guiding me into the play area to a couch. "I'll explain your roll in tonight's activities and some future duties. You will arrive one hour early to each event to set out the snack trays and fruit water. The food trays will only need to be uncovered, but fresh fruit will require slicing, then to be muddled into a five gallon bottle of cold water and ice" she said and opened a door in the bar, exposing the necessary equipment."let's get that done.

I was so focused on doing as asked that I forgot I was naked. As I was finishing the water, she gently hugged me from behind grasped my cock (wearing satin gloves) and manipulated me to fully erect (it took virtually no time at all). It was startling to feel Celia's satiny outfit and have a stranger's smooth satiny hands groping about my hitherto heterosexual body and I shuddered at the sensuous touch

"Get used to this. Part of your initiation is a full, manual inspection and every attendee will be intent on exploring every part of your body whenever and however they want, inside and out, and you will let them. You will be systematically humiliated, insulted and pushed and prodded. You must ignore the testosterone aggression and anger as it rises. There will by plenty of testosterone in the air and we need to be assured that you remain passive throughout these pheromonal assaults. Gurls can be catty bitches, but we must always strive to be Ladies. And you will be well and truly fondled tonight. They will ask you questions and you will answer (don't worry, they know what is ok to ask). There is a formal inspection which you will fail...and the members will rectify the failure for you. After that, you will be the fluffer. After a gurl has ejaculated erectile recovery sometimes needs help. That is your job. You will do whatever is necessary to assist bringing their gurl clitty back to life so she can return to her indulgences. It usually becomes an oral activity. As the evening progresses, you will, no doubt, become horribly aroused, but after our inspection, you will be wearing a cock-crimper so you will unable to get hard and as your cock tries to get hard and can"t, the more aroused you will become and the more frustrated. When the evening wears on, your time to cum will arrive. Yes, you are hard now, and we want you to stay that way for now. Today, and every event hence, you will also be the door maiden, greeting the attendees as they arrive and, in play, provide fluffer service until you are replaced by a new initiate.

Don't worry, your enforced celibacy is only for initiation, but you will cum gloriously. I promise.

Near the end of the evening, there will be a swearing in ceremony in which you will validate to our members that you can be a trusted addition to our purely erotic gatherings. But now, it's time for your duties," she said and rose. "Come," she said, leading me back to the dressing room.

When guests arrive, they will use the door knocker, you will open and say, "Welcome, I am pantiwaste, house bitch. Please enter" and usher them in. This will be one of your regular tasks as initiate."

I was flushed with apprehensive humiliation...my penis, had become rigid and sensitive to the slightest vagrant breeze. Standing, shaved naked, at the door of a place soon to be filled with strange men. So demeaning, so humiliating, so tremendously hot...you could have used my cock as an ice pick.

Before the thought was complete, a sharp knocking sounded. A deeper feeling of profound humiliation. The feeling of my stomach dropping into a bottomless pit grew, I reached for the nob. A pause, a deep breath and a plunge. With flushed red face, I opened the door to a middle aged causally dressed man holding a shoulder bag and said "Welcome, I am pantiwaste, house bitch. Please enter."

The guest smiled wryly, taking his time to eye me from head to toe, preventing me from closing the door and exposing me to any outside eyes. Finally, he smiled, stepped in, gently grasping then softly sliding his hand from my humiliatingly rigid cock as he passed. I closed my eyes and shivered at his touch.

"This will by fun" he murmured sibilantly in passing and moved into the room. He stepped to a dressing locker and began removing various bits of lingerie from his bag, beginning his transformation.

Others arrived, some smirking, most fondeling me, two female members with their partners openly laughed, until nearly all the lockers were in use. Finally Celia addressed me saying "all the RSVP's have arrived. Your work here is done. Please go stand in front of your locker. Facing the room."

Moving naked through the room to my area, I turned my flushing face to view the strangest, hottest scene I'd ever encountered. A room of mostly men, ages from their twenties to their seventies and two women, all shaved of body hair, in various stages of undress, make-up and perfume application. A quiet murmur as freshly dressed princesses sissy-kissed in greeting and aided each others preparations. I didn't know where to look. I simply stood, hands vaguely trying in vain, to cover my obvious arousal until Celia clapped for the room's attention.

"Ok Queens and Bitches, it's time to formally meet our initiate. Pantiwaste...center please." I strode to the center of the room. "You've all been greeted by her and she is ready to do your bidding. Eyes closed and hands up and out to your sides, dear".

I complied. Hands and body parts appeared from every direction caressing, fondeling, licking, hands about my raging erection, and probing my ass. It seemed like everybody wanted access to my ass. I stood mute , shuddering as the constant contact edged me but was't enough to let the hammer drop.

I herd Celia loudly declare, " OK that's all well and good for the outside". Another falsetto voice yelped out, "I'll check the inside!" And a general shout erupted in support.

"Ok," commanded Celia, "present him to Janine!"

I was unceremoniously lifted by multiple hands, arms, and fingers. It was a strange, floating feeling that seemed almost choreographed. Hands seemed to be everywhere. Any attempt of action on my part was futile. I was lifted, turned face up, arms outspread flat from my shoulders, legs straight and pulled apart settling at waist high. My hands were placed around cocks and hands were around mine. There were queens all about. Made-up faces of male, over the top, princesses dressed in their various satiny feminine trappings. The smell of elastic, perfumes and powders reminiscent of erotic instances past. Cocks at eye level everywhere. Janine slipped through the crowd to my crotch, bright red lips smiling in hungry anticipation. She pushed away the hands from my raging cock. I'm whimpering with lustful humiliating desire. I'm desperate in my need.

"Open him up" her voice hotly rasped. My feet went up, still spread, fully exposing my ass. Janine knelt, caressing me from the base of my penis to my anus...and knuckling my rosebud.

Lube appears in one hand, a vaginal speculum in the other. "Let's see how carefully this bitch cleaned up inside" she said, lubed the tool and slowly insinuated the rounded blades between the twitching folds of my anus. I pushed out in anticipation, my need begging for any stimulation. The tool slipped in. It felt as if my empty hole sucked it in. "That's an eager hole to be sure" laughed Janine, to the giggling group."

She slowly began to open the speculum and gently twisting, first clockwise, then back, slowly relaxing the anus and gaping me progressively larger. Her fingers probed my hole. "Light." She demanded. One appeared. Gazing in she declared "it's too dark to see". Another queen spoke "then we must clean again for surety". And the crowd cheered.

The crowd relocated to the toilets. A double-ballon anal catheter is pushed in me. The inner balloon is over inflated , totally filling my ass. The speculum was removed and the outer balloon pumped to fully secure it's place, insuring that anything going in stays until specifically released. "Face down" she commanded, and I was turned. The process was fully exposed. Tubes were attached and fluid began filling me, sloshing from my ass up through my large intestine. I was manipulated such that all sections of my large intestine became bloated. I could feel the flow up to my abdomen, across from left to right, then down. My tummy was visibly distended, making me almost look pregnant. I was cramping but could only writhe and gurgle in agony, only the near continuous manipulation of my cock keeping my erection in place.
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Pub: Dec 29 2020 09:42 UTC
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