co / chocomint ~

hallo my name is Prince, Luka or ask, I go by it doll hy pronouns but he/him are also ok as long as not overused. This url will be used as a diary, to document my progress, how I slowly get better at everything I lack, so I can have the love of my life back into my life.
2025年10月22 。 Wednesday 04:44 PM
Today is the day I’m starting this diary, but my overall recovery started on Monday, when I went to the therapist for the first time in years. My second appointment will be next Monday at 4:00pm. I am very excited to start this, as one of the things it will help me with is communicating. Besides the therapy, I’m going to start trying to talk to more people, maybe not be as possessive and jealous over certain things. I’ll try to work on my communication skills on my own as well, I’ll try to tell people when stuff upsets me, as scary as that is for me. I’ve known for a while these are things I’ve needed to work on, and from Monday on this will simply become a journey. I will make small updates every time I accomplish something, whether that be making a friend, not acting a certain way, or whatever else I find that needs to be added here! I will become the person I know I can and want to be for good. The things I was able to do today were cleaning my depression room, doing my big pile of laundry, actually showering and have been about two days clean!! yay ^.^
2025年10月23 。 Thrusday
5:30am ~ I wasn’t able to make a nice outfit or shower like I intended to, but I was able to wash my face and teeth which is a big improvement for me!! I’m taking Oakley to school today again as he is my biggest comfort and really the only thing that’s gonna keep me from certain things, I love Oakley so much ♡
6:17am ~ I failed in saying ‘Good
morning’ to my bus driver, I really wanted to and even imagined how I would but ultimately I got too anxious to do it. I’ll be able to at some point, I’m sure of it!! I was however able to talk to my friend Dariel, which had been a very hard task these past few mornings, as I literally couldn’t talk to anyone during those, so that’s slight improvement? It is in my head at least.
6:40am ~ I made it to school! I’m waiting on my friends to get here, so while I wait, I’ll write down things I hope I can do today!!
• Not cry at all ☓
• Stay clean another day ✓
• Put all my clothes away ✓
• Go to all my classes and not leave early ✓
• Go to the gym after school ☓
• Talk to more people ✓
• Take my meds
Yes I know this is a biiig list of things but in reality they’re just day to day stuff that I can most likely and hopefully accomplish!! I will slowly tick these off as the day goes, and explain if I did it and how it made me feel/helped me. My first goal is talking to more people in reality, and I’ll probably start in chorus, since I’d rather start in one of my safe classes 🐾 Everything will go slowly until I ca fully adapt.
7:10am ~ Got to class!! I won’t be writing much but overall I’m doing alright
8:42am ~ Had to leave my second period because my counselor called me down, I’ll see what she wants and then i’ll write it down. During second period though, I was able to talk to a girl I’ve never before!! Which I am sososo happy about, she was super nice! I was also able to talk more freely to Ms. G despite how usually nervous and anxious I am around her!!
8:49am ~ She basically just talked to me about how I’m doing academically, and for credits I’m all good!! I only need four more credits which will be easy to obtain to be able to graduate, which are gov, econ, and my fourth math and english credit ^.^ I honestly thought I was worse off!!
9:13am ~ I am in my third period, and honestly this is getting a little harder by the second. I got my quiz back to go test corrections, I only got three wrong but all over the test are things about Ash and how much I love them. The pit on my stomach is back and my entire body feels weird but I have to stay as calm as I possibly can. I'm talking to my friend to try and distract myself, and holding Oakley tight to my chest, which is overall helping.
10:52am ~ I already wasn’t able to hold one of my goals, I cried last period. I am in terrible emotional and physical pain and I’ve no clue what to do about it, I at least already checked out talking to more people though, but it doesn’t feel like enough. And although I have been very enthusiastic about this whole plan, I’m deadly terrified it won’t work out, specially with what’s coming up tomorrow. Im scared, I’m terrified, and I want to cry and just stop existing, but I can’t do that. I made a promise to myself, and to them, and I will push through to the best of my ability, if it’s for them, I’ll do whatever it might take. I want to prove myself, however that might be, I’ll prove myself worthy, because without them I am nothing.
11:50am ~ Lunchtime!! I was supposed to work on my piece with Naica today, but Ms. G has a meeting today, so we can’t, which is okay. I’m feeling a little better, but last period was honestly the most annoying thing ever. The only person I talked to was this guy who makes me super uncomfortable. he asked why I wasn’t here these past few days, and I simply said that I’m not feeling well, and he kept making very weird questions, I hated it so much.
1:12pm ~ I really liked my 6th period, I got 100% on one of my history tests which I am so happy for!! Soon I’ll be going home and I can do everything else I planned to at home!!
2:05pm ~ Holy. My friends were playing just dance and I joined in, that was basically a whole goddamn workout, and yet I will still go to the gym when I get home. That was so incredibly fun though I cant even lie. I carried my friend in one of the songs, and I talked to a girl I hadn’t ever, I’m pretty proud of myself. Now I’m on my way home, I’ll eat, go to the gym, shower, and then I’ll do everything else I need to do!
2:37pm ~ Home and honestly so damn exhausted. I didn’t realize how much energy dancing took out of me, so now i’m procrastinating even getting my food.. but we ball. I’m gonna go heat up my food, eat, rest for a little bit, then actually get to business, because I really, really need to..
4:36pm ~ Can’t even lie I procrastinated a LOT and almost fell asleep, but I have to keep going.. I have decided not to go to the gym due to the dancing because my head genuinely hurts.. that was like a whole 30 minutes of dancing dude. Anyways, I’m gonna get a shower, wash my hair and then I’ll get to putting away clothes!!
5:51pm ~ I finally finished showering! I act as if that didn’t take me like.. almost two hours. Anyways, I washed my hair and brushed my teeth for a second time in one day!! I haven’t done that in years, so I’m very proud of myself. I’ll now get to putting the clothes away while I watch a show or something
8:34pm ~ I FINISHED my closet!! I color coded it all and I am so proud of it!! A lot happened while I was cleaning it up, which i’ll maybe talk about it later!! Overall I accomplished most of my list ^3^ only one more thing to tick off!! yay
2025年10月24 。 Friday
5:18am ~ I honestly don’t know how I’ll get through with the day, my chest hurts, I really don’t want to go to school today. I was thinking of asking my mom if I could stay home but decided not to, how fucking stupid. I’m honestly going to go up to her right now to ask her if I can stay. I cant do this today.
I got my phone taken this day, and was super busy for Saturday and Sunday, this is to explain why we jump onto Monday.
2025年10月27 。 Monday
5:35am ~ Alright back on business, I brushed my teeth again (yay!!) I couldn’t make an outfit though. I feel a little bit lost honestly, I’m so tired, but we push through okay guys? I have my first appointment later today, so I hope it goes well.. and I hope the therapist is nice.
6:42am ~ At school! I’m not feeling the best so today might be scattered all over the place, but it’s alright
My list of things to do today:
•Stay clean another day ✓
•Clean my room ☓
•Go to all my classes and not leave early ✓
•Shower and wash my hair ✓
•Talk to someone I have never before ✓
•Take my meds ✓
•Make an outfit for tomorrow ✓
I think these are accomplishable? Again most of them are just mundane things so I guess i’ll be fine.. maybe
Like last time, I’ll go checking them as the day goes, and maybe write something about it and how it went!! Yay
8:40am ~ I’m in chorus!! It was okay but I was unable to talk to anyone new, these people are scary bro. Ms.G wasn’t here today so I’m a little bummed but it’s okay. Next period is forensics, and I know my friend is gonna make me 110 questions on why I wasn’t here Friday.. cooked
9:54am ~ Currently on my 4th period and I feel like total shit, my stomach is killing me in such a terrible way and my heart hurts. I need to go home but I can’t, I genuinely hate this so fucking much bro. But it’s okay, we push through! Hopefully at the very least. God my stomach..
10:53am ~ About to actually die. I was thinking of not going to 5th but I’ve no option, I said I’ll go to all my classes, and ai wanna hold to that, as hard as that might be for me..
11:31am ~ I honestly cannot wait to go home oh my god. I talked to a girl I had never before, she’s honestly so cool but I’m too scared to ask for her socials. I want to cry but I am trying so hard not to, it’s honestly annoying, so exhausting. I’ve been drawing my ocs character sheets, so far I’ve got Silly and Chester. Honestly considering how the day has been so far I’m way more calm than I would’ve been before, so happy..
My appointment today honestly scares me, I don’t know how to talk to my therapist about how I’ve been feeling lately, because it feels stupid and pretty fucking self absorbed. I’m selfish and I’ve known it for quite a while, and yet every time I realize it, it feels like a stab to the chest. I don’t know, it just feels weird and I hate it so much. I wish I could just change and become better, I mean I know I’m working towards it but.. sudden change would be so nice. Hopefully someday it will all become easier, and overtime I can work on everything, but step by step also works, right?
12:06pm ~ Crying at lunch might be one of the most humiliating and pathetic things I do. I hate it, I hate crying in general but god I hate when it happens at lunch. I want to rip my skin open piece by piece. I need to be put down badly
1:17pm ~ Crying in 6th period is even more embarrassing ohhh my god. My teacher trying to explain shit to everyone and I’m just sobbing my eyes yes out like a little bitch.. fuck no. I hated it so absolutely much, I hate everything that’s been happening lately, it sucks so badly and I want to just stop existing. I don’t know what to do dude, my stomach and heart hurt so badly. I die.. I miss my best friend 🙁
2:15pm Good god finally going home. Every time I think a day can’t get worse, it worsens. I was already so fucked in the morning and it just kept getting worse TAKE ME HOME holy fawk bro. None of this feels right, everything feels so wrong I hate it so much oh my god. Physical and emotional pain are not a good combo.
2:30pm ~ Home!! Yay!! I’ll see what I can do before my appointment, although I’ll probably just end up procrastinating.. I think I can shower before the appointment? The only problem is that I have to wash my hair. I’ll do it, it’s fine..
3:38pm ~ I’m on my way to my appointment, I’m TERRIFIED. I haven’t gone to an actual therapist in so long, I’m honestly gonna tweak out… ouuuh we ball we ball. It’s fine, I’ll be fine. I’ve been trying to take deep breaths but god is it not working..
6:47pm ~ Got home from my appointment a while ago but I hadn’t processed it so I didn’t write anything out. The therapist seems sweet, the first appointment was with my mom so not much could be said. I’ll be going there one time every week for about 6 months to start and then more. It was nice to talk to someone who doesn’t fully know me.. I don’t know. It feels good. We talked about a plan to manage everything going on out, and overall it went well I would say? My next appointment is next Thursday at 4pm again!!
2025年10月28 。 Tuesday
6:11am ~ Okay I can’t even lie I was doing so much shit that I forgot to write an entry down UHM. I made an outfit, brushed my teeth, washed my face AND did my makeup!! YAY!! This is the most I’ve done in a while and I am berry proud of myself honestly. I do have a terrible hangover though so #saveme or something?? My head is killing me but at least i look kinda cute? Better than every other day..
1:46pm ~ This whole day has been a wreck so I lowkey highkey forgot to type stuff out for the day.. I’m in terrible pain currently and I don’t really have any goals for today besides maybe cleaning my room? I was gonna try to talk to someone new again but I’ve done it too much and I’m over the top overwhelmed..
9:14 ~ ok i’m giving up on ts bye have a good rest of your life 💕 i honestly believe i dont have anything else to worj towards and im pretty much fucking done with everythung ever thank youuu i tried but its just too much for me to deal with at this moment
