♡ !! SCOUT !! ♡

Scout, I love you more than you will ever know, and I wish I’d shown it more. You were always amazing to me, even when we fought. I miss hearing your laugh, though our humor and interests weren’t always the same. I miss seeing you smile, I miss the way you stared at me. I miss your warm cuddles and your soft skin. I don’t know if you were ever aware of just how beautiful you were, especially to me. I love how you’d blast Hamilton and Steven Universe music and dance around your kitchen & dining room. I love how bold you’ve always been, never afraid to stand up for me or any others you cared about. You didn’t let anyone stop you from being you, and I admire that. I loved cosplaying with you and making stupid tiktoks, going to conventions with you, or even just to the mall dressed in our low-budget cosplays.


Making characters and their stories with you was so fun, and I’m sorry I didn’t pay as much attention to these characters as you wished I would. I’m sorry I’d constantly turn down your requests to roleplay them, but I love how absolutely passionate you were about these characters, and I’ll be damned if I don’t keep their stories alive for you. Your favourite was always Noah and Sati, wasn’t it? I like to draw them when I’m feeling extra sad about you and it makes me feel better, knowing you would’ve loved the drawings, even if I thought they could be better. And every time I see a panda, I think of you, because they were your favourite animal for all the time I knew you. Purple was your favourite colour, and that always stayed consistent. I was all over the place, but I loved mustard yellow. Everything purple and yellow together makes me think of you and smile. Sending each other purple and yellow heart emojis over instagram, because that was pretty much the only way we communicated digitally.



Rest In Peace
10 / 03 / 05 - 10 / 16 / 19

I remember taking walks with you through your neighbourhood, stopping to mess around in the park. I remember going swimming with you and our friend group and then watching the world’s worst movie in existence afterwards. I still reference that part in the movie we always would and giggle to myself about it. I remember the last birthday party you had, where you got that hoodie with the trippy black and white checkers. You didn’t get to wear it much before you passed, but I still feel like a part of you is with me when I have it on. I have a framed photo of us two together on my desk at home, and a canvas your parents printed your art of us onto hanging above it. I know you didn’t always have the best relationship with your parents, but I hope you understood how much you actually meant to them. How much you meant to me— to all of us. How much you still mean to me.


I laugh now when I think about how annoyed you’d get when I rambled about my hyperfixations and ask me to stop, but you were never a dick about it. I just know that if you can see me now, you’d be groaning over how much I obsess about MCYT and everything. I think I’ve started to be able to smile while thinking about you after what happened. I’m learning to think about the good times we did have, instead of the good times we could’ve had. I still have days where I can’t help but break down and scream and cry because you’re gone. I don’t think that will ever change, to be honest. I’m trying to come to terms with that though. I know you’d want me to keep going, so I’ll live for the both of us. I know you don’t want me to give up. I never said it enough, but I love you. I was so in love with you both platonically and romantically, and I wish I had just talked to you a little longer on that day. Tried a little harder. Cared a little more... I hope you can forgive me, babes.
♡ BACK TO LOVEMAIL ♡

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Pub: 19 Jan 2023 22:42 UTC
Edit: 25 Jan 2023 15:35 UTC
Views: 270