Val's Blog

wont be using this as much as before... most likely whenever i have mood swingsor wanna rant about something :// sowwy for deleting my old ones
Dec 24
ik i say it as a joke most of the time but dude...........i actually DO want to kill myself sometimes lowkey. not gonna try of course,,prolly not til im like 16 or something cuz that'll probabaky be the prime of my entire life. im just so scared of growing up, yk?? i dont want to live by myself, i dont want to be responible for anything, i dont want to work my ass off for like 30 years, retire, then sit by myself and mentally + ohysically wither away until i finally die. im scared that ill make some huge mistake and not know what to do...because i already have zero clue what im doing with my life, nor where i want it to go. im not really good at, nor passionate enough about a certain thing to the point where i want to do it for my entire life. its like the stupid saying "too much of a good thing is a bad thing",, it applies to literally everything you want to do. oh, you like drawing? you'll be drawing everyday for the rest of your life for barely enough to live, and thats not if youre a freelancer without any guarenteed stable flow of money. i just feel like no matter ahat i do in the future ill be miserable. so why on earth do i even have to try???? just end it early. i really do wonder whats in the afterlife anyway.... if its heaven or hell, ill go to hell, whatever, i dont care. if its rencarnation, cool, a respawn point!!!! and i dont care if its just lights out pitch black for the rest of forever. i know i show pretty emo right now and ill definately be embarrased of this later but who really gives a shit???
anyways ill try to chip away at decorating this one at a time :// it'll probabaly take me forever if i even decide i wanna do it so dont get your hopes up, okay?okay
Dec 27
man its been hard to be positive lately.l.l.l....IVE JUST BEEN SOO PISSED OFF LATELY FOR NO REASON AND ITS OBVS AFFECTING WHAT IM DOING AND SAYING. its not my friends in general or anything,,i love them with my whole heart!! and im going to sound hateful when i say this, but just like..,...,.,... some things they do occasionally make me really sad and over time it makes me a little mad. i dont want to insult them ot make them feel bad, because what theyre doing isnt neccesarlity a bad thing and it has more to do with me being an insensitive asshole. so i wont say anything to them, or to anyone else about this, but bro its been difficult sometimes. im so exhausted
Dec 29
what is WRING with me bro. i feel so scared for no reason tonight oh my gosh.....i had a panic attack like 30 minutes ago and im still crying #cuckmodeactivated :// i tried watching youtube and drawing to try and calm myslef down but it isnt working... my chest feels tight im going to DIEEE OMGGGG MAKE IT STAWWWWPPPPP PLEASE PLELASEEEE hmmmm i wonder whos actually reading these
update: im feeling better now if anyone cares (..◜ᴗ◝..) only a little nauseous
updateupdate: i threw up
Jan 2
i think the reason im so obsessed with having relationships is that like. um. i kinda love being single, i just hate the feeling of being unloved ykyk?? snd i thijnk thats the thing thats making me feel so hateful recently. i just feel like a backup friend
Jan 3
my taste buds are so frickin weird yo... :/// water sometimes makes me sooo nauseuos and its weird.. ALSO HOW DO PEOPLE TELL THE DIFFRENCE BETWEEN DIFFERENT BRANDS OF WATER??? THEY ALL TASTE THE GOD DAMN SAME TO ME. WHAT REALLY MATTERS IS TEMPERATURE YKYKY??? warm water makes me feel sick and cold wayer makes me see the gates of heaven. its 2am and my dtomahc hurts...our fridge is broken so the ice wint come out so ive just been drinking milk instead of watur☹☹☹☹☹
update its 4am and i wanna talk about some bullsshit
recently ive been seeing maggot infested bigots running their mouths sbout something stuoid again. apparently, according to them, if you accept homosexual relationships, you must accept incest ones too! "after all, theyre both two consenting adults!!! and theyre just in love and not hurting anyone!!" of course, we all knows thats some of the most stupidest bullshit ive ever heard. if you said this to someone irl. they probabaly wouldnt have a comeback, purely because of the fact that YOU'D HAVE TO BE SO MENTALLY DEAD INSIDE TO EVEN TRY AND CONNECT THESE TWO POINTS. the way theyre laying the entire argument(if you can even call it that) out is in bad faith. ignoring the defective issues a baby would have with immediate family, there is still bad things to come from this. its like comparing apples to oranges, they may look similar on the otside but theyre oretty fucking different. what seperates homosexuality from incest is the concept of dynamics! for queer people, they like another consenting adult whom is the same gender/sex as them, and was previously a stranger. as for the latter, one of the family members (sibling or parent) watched the other literally grow up,, and its even worst if they were having even romantic, let alone sexual, thoughts about the person during so. its similar to a paitent and therapist relationship. the power dynamics make the relationship unhealthy and gross from the get go. are we starting to connect the dots? good. bigots are so fucking stupid it pmo
Jan 8
i feel lonely
Jan 10
DUDE. OH MY FUCKING GOD CAN PEOOPLE CAN MEDIA LIRECATY FOR TWO SECONDS??? THESE. omg, these peopl. oh mu gof. tiktok is pissing me off DUDEEEEEEEE. anywyas uhhhhh bon bon bon bon bon bon bon bon flosting awayayuuy im drawing emo x emo ivantill rn OOOHH!!! SPIICCYYYYY!!! i want to delete my main rentry bc its kindw buns okay
also ill prolly delete some of my rants in here bec theyre lowky like embrassing i feel emo whenever i say things like that okay!!Okay
Jan 12
twin went to a alnst pop up event without me...heh....im okay, IM OKAYAYYY!!!!!!!!!
im obsessed w ith this photo heh. im witerally sua in this what the ferak!!???
Jan 16
im actually going to cut myself i hate today. it started out so good but it just kept getting worse and worse and alli want to do now is cry. i dont want to make this whole page me whining and crying over ever sungle thing but i feel so overwhelmed and tired. i hate my family so much, i hate talking, i hate leaving my room,,,,,,,,,, ive been on and off sobbing since 7pm. whats wrong with me..
Jan 21
please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow please snow PLEASE SNOW. I CANT HANDLE ANOTHER DAY AT SCHOOL IM BEGGING YOU.!!!!!! um. uhhh,,,,,...imgonnw hop on grnshin....
Jan 23
i feel so sick rn bro,,,,.... my stomach hurts s badky and ive had a massive headache all day. I FEEL LIKE IM OVERHEATINGG I HATE FEELING THIS WAHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYY my vision feels like its going out hmmmmmm,,,,,im just gonnw,,,,,,go to sleep.......
Jan 25
hello all,.....i still feel horribly sick. its not just regular nausea either. you know that feeling when you havent eaten all day, and all of a sudden your stomach just starts assaulting you? not with growling or anything, but with this weird, internal HORRIBLE pain. thats what it feels like. and i know im nt hungry, ive been eating very well. i ate more than i usually do yesterday even. but it wont go away and it feels like im gonna dieeee.... im watching drew gooden rn :// i miss all my oomf chans :/ i want to spam them about how bad my stomach hurts :/
Jan 26
ok dudes. its offically been a couple months since i last (purposely) crut myself ifykwim..... , im not saying it like its some grand achievemnt or anything nor am i looking for sympathy or praise, theyre pretty much healed anyway, but i just wanted to rant about how evytime i do it i somehow always forget ahout the STUPID burn it had after. LIKE...??? ITS HARD TO BE SAD WHEN I HAVE A LITTLE ICEPACK ON MY ARM BC IM TOO MUCH OF A BABY TO HANDLE IT DUDE,,LKKE,liek.,like like, kike like. like. yk. i accidentally cut myself with a razor today and it reminded me of that time...hmmmmmm!!! the good ol days amariate heh. im gonna hop on gensin
Jan 27
last night i made alnst versions of me and two of my friends.....i drew us as hyuna,hyunwoo and luka :// I WAS GOING TO SHOW THEM BUT I CHICKENED OUT LAST SECOND, its ok rhotuh. i was luka btw :/ i might doodle more of us later, and if theyre good i mIGHT show them . 
me and twan uh,yeah....IVE BEEN REALLY 49TRIO PILLED. IM MAKING SOME MATCHING POCAS FOR THEM RN...offtopic.but i cant stop singing the alice in musicland curtain call thing... ITS SO CATCHY I CANT HELP IT!!!!!!