to chrise (if you still go by that)

im sorry. everyday i miss you more and more and i dont know know if youve moved on and forgotten about me but i dont have it in me to let go, everyday i feel so fucking guilty for everything i did to you and i wish there was some way i could go back and stop myself before it got too bad, i knew we werent going to last forever, but i wish we were still friends at least, i ruined you, i took a vulnerable person and ruined them completely, i cant even begin to imagine the scars i left you with. im trying so hard to improve as a person, im seeking proffesional help, ive stepped out of my shell, ive met new people, ive reshaped myself entirely, but this is something i cant shake, this is something that's going to follow me forever just like its probably following you. I hate that everytime i stumble upon you online i see that we have the same interests and patterns, i hate that in any other universe we would still be compatible as friends, i hate that in any other universe we would still be laughing together and doing stupid shit together. Im not asking for your forgiveness, especially not almost 3 years later, youre probably a completely different person now and you probably have new people that light up your world, just like how it is for me, but i at least want you to hear my apology. I am truly, with every ounce of my being, sorry. im sorry for everything i said to you, everything i did to you, how i treated you, how i manipulated and controlled you, all of it. i am sorry chrise, part of me really wishes we could make ammends and be friends again, but i know thats probably not possible, so im leaving you with this final message, i hope wherever life takes you is good, i hope youve met or will meet people who make you feel seen and loved and heard, i hope you get into whatever art school you were shooting for, i hope youre able to achieve your dreams as a character designer (if thats still your goal), i hope youre able to move somewhere nice out of the south if you havent already, i hope youre able to live life as your true authentic self, thats what you truly deserve.

-max