Note from Dr. Epic Man: Sorry to screenreader users, but this page contains a few non-readable kaomojis! If that bothers you... Sorry! :-(


This is me! Am I pretty without anime filters? ははははは

Hello there!

My name is Dr. Epic Man, but you may also call em John Seinfeld Thomas. That's my full name! You may use any pronouns for me, even though I don't really understand them. (ᵕ—ᴗ—)
Please excuse my English! I'm not American!


My career history as a S.C.P researcher:
I worked as a janitor in here for about four years or so. I applied here because my mom told me I needed to start working for money. Yup, even in the best of planets you have capitalism! Anyways— I applied, and I worked for HOURS in the facility, because I never seem to run out of energy! But then...


2004/05/07
I worked for hours at a time, as one of the anomalies accidentally spills coffee all over the place... And on the computer. I would've never expected to see it— Something so dangerous appearing on the screen... A VIRUS! No, not a normal virus or trojan, one that would jump out and attack the anomaly! I was surprised, but I couldn't let this happen, so I picked up my broom and shouted: "HEY, MEANIE! Get away from Mr. Snookuns NOW!" I pointed the broom at the virus, and it just laughed at me, letting go of the anomaly... I was so angry at it, something not expected from a citizen of Mother-420K, so I lunged at it, and tried to beat it with all my bravery and only my broom... And it exploded into pieces! EVERYTHING IN THE OFFICE WAS DESTROYED!!! (๑°ㅁ°๑)
...
I woke up in a bed, a medical bed... There sat my coworkers and other people that worked in the SCP foundation with me. I looked around, and saw something weird...
"... Why... Am I golden..?"
I asked them, but they just told me to not worry.
"What matters now is that you were BRAVE and saved us all!" Said Ms. R-Bowz...
"We're so proud of you!" Said another coworker...
I cried, I've never been so praised in my life!... I wailed out: "Thank you guys..." And I realized I wasn't talking like how I did, but did it matter now?
Suddenly, Mr. Oh So Five comes into the room, and offers me the job of being a researcher.
"...Y-You really think I'm worth the job?" I had stuttered out, and Mr. Oh So Five nods.
"You're always worth it, Mr. Seinfeld."
And everyone clapped!


Okay... Maybe I went a littleeeee overboard... Does it really matter? That was the happiest day of my life!
I don't have much else to talk about here, I don't want to over share with strangers about my job. So, I'll just do a QnA! Send me questions here: [REDACTED]


QUESTIONS AND ASKS!!!
Q: Are you Dr. Gears?
A: I can see the resemblance, but no! We're completely different from each other.
Q: How old are you?
A: I'm over 2 years old, that's for sure!
Q: Have you ever contained an anomaly?
A: I mean, I did help Dr. K contain one anomaly that was a kid once... But it's not my thing! ⎚⩊⎚
Q: How would you react in Planet Earth?
A: ああ…… It hurts... My tummy would slowly turn back into that pendant I used. Not a good feeling...
Q: Are you sick?
A: I'm old, but as healthy as ever! ˆ𐃷ˆ
Q: Where are you from?
A: I'm not quite sure, but I was raised in Japan!


That's it for my Dossier! Hope you like it!


Edit

Pub: 09 May 2025 19:00 UTC

Edit: 09 May 2025 19:03 UTC