20/12/2025
when my actions were first called out, i didnt apologize for it properly. so this is a proper apology for all the damage ive caused and to take accountability for everything ive done. im not gonna mention any names for people's privacy.
the following paragraphs will include triggering topics mentioned such as self harm, grooming, suicide etc. (will be spoilered) so read with caution
im someone who changed identities a lot in the past years and i changed about +5 instagram accounts and +10 discord accounts in total. its all tied up to pretending to be someone else and not take accountability, which is why im gonna mention everything at once. i want people to know that i dont want to pretend to be someone else anymore, i dont want to harm anyone anymore.
one thing ive done to almost all of my old friends was guilt tripping them "without realizing" but i never put in the effort to learn how to not guilt trip anyone while trying to communicate and just not be manipulative in general. i also used to direct statuses, posts etc a lot towards people with usually a passive aggressive language and whenever someone tried to set boundaries with me i would act like i am the hurt one, not them. i made borderline nsfw jokes even when people told me it was too much, i would simply not learn when to stop. i also sent people voicemails, pictures and videos of excreta, which is really weird and just disgusting in general and nothing can excuse the way i shared such things with people online.
i would also apologize to people too often for repeating the same "mistakes". one thing i learned recently is that if you do the same mistake multiple times, its not a mistake anymore, youre refusing to learn how to not make it again. another thing is that i would always mention "it wasnt my intention", trying to tell people i never had any bad intentions. even if i didnt, you dont get judged for your intentions, you get judged for your actions. simply saying "but i didnt mean it" doesnt excuse unacceptable behavior, which is something i refused to understand for a long time. in the end, even if my words were "jokes" or "misunderstandings" or whatever, none of these can excuse the way i acted around so many people. neither mental health can excuse bad behavior, no matter how mentally ill anyone is, it doesnt give people the right to hurt others because of their mental illnesses.
so, im sorry. im sorry for making grooming and nsfw and self harm and suicide jokes about minors and around people who were uncomfortable with those topics, for suicide baiting people instead of asking for help, for sending my self harm and excreta pictures to people, for overstepping peoples boundaries (including block evading) and not letting anyone set any boundaries with me, for constantly shit talking behind people, for changing identities and pretend to be a different person instead of taking accountability, for directing things at people, for guilt tripping people, im sorry for everything that happened between me and all people who got harmed by my actions.
im also sorry for posting something that was focused on my feelings and were filled with excuses when my actions were first shared with people.
i will not repeat any of this behavior again and for this, i stopped using social media until i can do so responsibly. i will not try to contact any of my old friends or try to "personally apologize to their faces" because i know that is not what i should do. i will not try to fake to be a different person on my urls or my socials either, if i end up creating new accounts, i will not hide it from the people that its me who they're talking with.
that's all from me for now. this isnt meant to ask for forgiveness, its only an apology and a way of showing that i acknowledge my actions.