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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀" ⠀⠀⠀Cemetery lady, my cemetery girl.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Cemetery baby, I wan't you in my world.⠀⠀" ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀‹𝟹⠀⠀" We're, like, dating... right? "⠀⠀" Oh, y-yeah."⠀⠀‹𝟹⠀
Hello! Hi ^7^ Call me Nine!! I,,,Just suddenly got offered this and I love enzi so WHY NOT! This'll be an entire little lovemail, or diary of sorts! I'll update this as soon as I can, this'll be based on me and 🍓 who I dearly adore. Names are not mentioned, and or just kept hidden for my own privacy. Do not assume anything else, I just love my boyfriend so dearly <3 If you're reading this 🍓, I love you. Got a little gif+photo dumps at the end just for you! Nuzi related. Cause their literally us. Promise you'll still love me if I was a worm?
I write things here once a day if possible.
April 17 (Somewhat)
I cannot possibly begin to fathom how much I'm comfortable near you, how much I trust you. How much I see you as a safe, comforting place for me. It shocks me how sometimes you don't even get upset at the stupid things I do, I like that. I appreciate it. You're more considerate than the average human being,and it makes me so overwhelmingly flustered. Everytime I wake up, I question how you're doing. I question if you're okay. I question if you're upset I fell asleep during another conversation, but you aren't. You aren't mad. Moreso you just,,,tell me it's okay. You give me a sense of trust. You give me a sense of comfort that I have felt from no one else but you. When I was in so much grief and believing, maybe I'm not just someone who's able to be loved, maybe I'm just forced to be broken, a complete mess for the rest of my life, you practically came out of nowhere, every love song, every love song that just had no meaning, the only thing behind it was, "it was a love song", it changed. It wasn't just a love song anymore, not to me. To me, it felt like what I want to listen to with you, to me, it felt like I could imagine both of us just cuddling together, listening to that song together. I've written you more than thousands of messages, to explain how much you mean to me, to explain how much I care, to explain how much, no matter I get upset, the fact that you're here, the fact that I know you love me, and I feel the same, it encourages me enough to keep going. The fact that you do not think you don't even think you matter that much, it hurts. I love how such a hard worker you are at school, I love how smart you are, I love how you manage to make time for me and deal with my stupid shenanigans, I love how genuinely happy I get whenever I receive a message from you. You make me happy. You make me happy more than any other relationship I have ever been in, I don't know where I would be without you. I don't know if I'd still even be functioning normally without you... I love you, thank you. Thank you for giving me a chance to even love you. I value you. So much. I hope I can truly hold you in my arms and love you forever. Mwah. Together forever, promise?
April 18
Hello again! You know I still remember when we played FIsch,,, That was like. Really fucking funny for me though. I still remember when I was looking for you and slammed my boat straight into you while you were fishing,,, GOSH THAT STILL MAKES ME GIGGLE LIKE A COMPLETE IDIOT WHEN I REMEMBER. I found it so overwhelmingly sweet how you reacted to the rentry...Actually it made me blush. Like so fucking much and I just kicked my feet like a complete love-sick idiot. You even declined me giving you the modify even if I wanted us both to share this, I'm aware you know me, you know me more than my own mom at this point... You make me laugh, always. Even if I'm upset, even if I'm not doing as well as I want to, you manage to somehow make me laugh with the stupid things you say or the stupid things you send... The fact that you even manage to do that surprises me. The fact you understand me shocks me. The fact you're able to comprehend sometimes I can't properly say things, sometimes maybe I'm just sensitive, it honestly calms me down like,,,a lot. I love you, so much. I just woke up and started writing this so I don't forget. I can't wait to kiss your stupid gorgeous face. ♡
April 19
I'm feeling very ,,, sleepy right now. Not exactly in the best state of mind to really write but you know! We thug it out, I guess. Hmmm falalala anyways,,, So sorry I got upset over that stupid thing and somewhat cried, although what you said was sweet, the animation was nice to watch. It meant a lot to me more than you thought it did probably, I haven't seen anyone really,,,make something like that for me, it meant a lot. it meant a lot to watch, it meant something to me because I know it was for me. I can't over and over explain how much I seriously love you, how much I actually care. I know sometimes I can't express things properly, sometimes maybe I'm a hassle. I'm sorry about that, I still promise, I try to love you the best I can.
Little Update! I don't know if I feel too comfortable writing...*
Well this day ended off. Horribly, I believe. Um. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for that to happen, nor did I mean for it to go that far. I wasn't thinking. As per usual. ..But I guess my apologies don't make up for the fact that happened, it really doesn't. Even if you say it's okay I won't believe you. I trusted you for a minute. only a singular minute. I didn't believe you for too long, because I knew it was wrong. Something in my gut told me, maybe you're lying to me. It was right. Sometimes the things I do come back to me randomly, I feel guilt. Only guilt, really. Sometimes I'm sorry that I can't properly say things to you, that I just can't exactly think straight. That my brain doesn't function normally. None of my "I love you"'s will fix that I believe. No matter the gifts I give, no matter the apologies I send, no matter the words of affection I give. Do you remember how you said "just don't cry because of me"? I silently promised I won't. Seeing how much it affected both of us. It didn't do much. I already broke that promise yesterday. I cried again. Not over something you did. Me. It was because of me. Sometimes I'm sorry I can't love you the way I want to. Sometimes I'm sorry I can't love you like a normal person. Remember how you told me you "wished you could comfort me"? You already did. You didn't need to do anything. Your presence was enough to calm me down a little, to know you were there helped. But now that you're not, everything feels silent. When I wake up and check discord, expecting something, I don't have anything. It's like you just disappeared overnight, it felt wrong. It felt wrong to close the tab, without typing a "i fell asleep sorry" as if we were still having a conversation. It felt weird to see nothing. Absolutely no notifications. Nothing even changed. Your absence always makes the room feel silent. I feel less motivated to really speak to people. I feel less motivated to really talk, at all. You said "you didn't know you mattered that much"..You do. You do matter that much. It just feels...so uncomfortably silent when you're not around. I just sit down and the only thing I feel is a sense of loss. The only thing I feel is a sense of, being alone. Sometimes the amount of times you forgive me concern me, how can you forgive me? That's...Just always a question I ask myself. Why do you always forgive me? I never get the answer to that, because I never asked you it myself. I got scared to ask you. Tonight felt more quiet than it usually did, I didn't have you to make me laugh, make me smile. I only felt empty. Like something was missing. I knew what was missing. You. Morning felt empty aswell. Missing. Like something important was grabbed from me. Like I just lost something, I forgot that feeling. I forgot how that felt. You being in my mornings felt better. You being in my evenings felt better. You being in my nights felt better. You just...being there felt better. When I check my notifications, I expect something, someone...to be more specific, you. When I don't obtain that...What exactly do I do? I don't have a clue of what I can exactly do. Sometimes I wait around, expecting you to say something, to ask me something. I don't receive that. I just sit down and wait. I just stare at my screen, expecting something to happen. Nothing...really happens. I used to like that feeling, I really did, but when you came around, I hated it. I hated that feeling so badly especially when it came to you. You made me like, and start hating things I used to like, being alone, being tired, being able to sleep. I didn't enjoy feeling like that or doing those things after you came along. I liked being awake, I liked waking up a little more later so I could possibly text you more. But I don't know what to do now.
Hihi Ok things are better now I'll try to write something here later
Diary Section: Just an entire little collection of our days together! I don't like forgetting things, better to document them! My days with 🍓 have so much more meaning than my days without 🍓 I believe.
ENTRY 1⠀-⠀April 24th
Soo,, we played natural disasters together! I'm gonna ignore the moments where I had the urge to strangle myself 50 times but anyways! It was actually so fun I was genuinely laughing so hard but then I unfortunately got overwhelmed and left...ME when I can't stop ruining shit We were soorta matching! Yay! I missed when we were able to match avatars and etc but I found it adorable when we were!!^7^ You are such an absolute cutie I love you mmwah
ENTRY 2 -⠀May 6th
Wow I...forgot this evn existed for a second...UM! Omg I had so much fun today even though i got worried since you were staying up so extremely late, but I liked how you wanted to still hang out with me. it meant a lot more than you probably thought it did...i'm midway trying to finish the drawing for you, but i'm a little bored so im putting it aside for right now (and i need to literlaly contain myself before i strangle myself out of anger looking at it) HAHA...i took so many screenshots and stuff it made me giggle so hard when you called me a princess i love tou so much, i meant every word i said to you.
Photodump. These are literally me and 🍓 I promise
And little gifdump!
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