what you're about to read might be cringe to some anons... Reader discretion is advised. (Note I wrote this a year or two ago and didn't have much writing discipline as I do now, so feel free to make fun of it, hell rewrite it I don't care.)

Drunken Consequences

Alcohol plus celebrating a certain master thief's victory equals a night you can barely remember. Hell, anything could happen on a night like that. Even accidentally cucking your friend while drunk, especially while drunk. That's what had happened to me, the night Sly had defeated (I guess you call it that) Leparadox. We decided to celebrate the victory with a little party, mainly just drinking and a little eating (except for Murry, Jesus that man can eat). Suffice to say it was fun, well from what I can remember. After a few drinks things went hazy. Apparently, I had been led into the bedroom by Sly's Interpol fuck toy (just kidding, it's more like she's Sly's girlfriend). The rest of that night, I still have no clue. Though I have a hunch that everyone was at least buzzed that night. Anyway, the morning after I woke up butt-ass naked alone in a bed. As I get up, I notice a certain Interpol agent's badge on the nightstand. At the time I thought that this was a prank. So I moved on, got dressed, took some Alka-Seltzer tablets, and went on my merry way. Hell, the next day I overheard Sly going on about his girlfriend having morning sickness, and him not remembering the night before. Bear in mind, Sly is a lightweight when it comes to alcohol, one shot of Jager Meister and he's drunker than a skunk. In my infinite wisdom, I ask Bentley what happened the night of the celebration. For those who don't know Bentley or for the matter the Cooper gang, despite Bentley's size (and the fact he's in a wheelchair) the fucker can outdrink us all, that's including Murry. Getting back on topic, Bentley tells me pretty much that everyone got kinda fucked up and he was making out with his girlfriend (was she Dutch or was she from Holland?). So flash forward a few months (so a few heists for the Cooper gang and a couple of targets for me) and I get the news that Interpol chick, is pregnant. At the time, I'm mentally congratulating Sly, was that until I was told she wanted to talk to me. To sum up, my reaction is "oh shit dot JPG." Suffice to say I talk to Carmelita (that's the Interpol chick I'm talking about by the way) and found out that the morning I found her badge wasn't a prank. Alongside that revelation, she tells me that there's a good chance that I pretty much cucked Sly. After that, I broke the news to Sly. I'm still surprised to this day on how well Sly took it. If I got told by my friend "hey, I think I knocked up your girlfriend." I'd probably kill the fucker. Though I think it had to do with the fact that I had told him about what I had woke up to see. Also, I'm a fuckin' assassin and he's a thief that steals from criminals. So the difference between us is Sly steals, I kill. So both of us agreed, Sly would help me get the kids I fathered. In return, I'd make sure to steer clear of the soon to be pissed the fuck off Interpol inspector, so it was pretty much a: "I help you get custody of your children, and you lay low until the mother gives up." Though think of it now, Sly might've just wanted to have the drunken accident that was the situation taken care of. So flash forward a year, I pretty much have to let Bentley's girl watch over the three little tikes, yeah three boys. One kinda looks like Carmelita while the other two inherited my looks. Anyways, just to help support the boys (because Jesus baby supplies aren't cheap) I had to have Sly help me with my stealth (yeah an assassin learning from a thief, kinda ironic). The boys are cute in their own way, though I can tell two are definitely going to follow in my footsteps, and ironically one of the two is the one that resembles his mother. (His name is Juan, his brothers are David and Austin) I just had to wait and see if the boys will go down that path. Hell, another thing I learned was that Juan was allergic to wool, learned it the hard way too. Other than that, Sly finally tied the knot with Carmelita. According to Sly, she had finally calmed down about the boys, though it's because Sly told her that I'm taking care of them. Though to this day, I still think that was a retarded idea on Sly's part. She's still a detective, after all, she could've quite literally tracked my ass down take the boys back, and most likely fry my ass with that shock pistol of hers. Now flash forward to the present, the boys are old enough to talk, lie, and whatnot. Juan is ready for training, David is shortly behind, and Austin is surprisingly currently in training. I guess he was just a late bloomer. Hell, they don't know that Sly's kids are actually their half-siblings but knowing the boys, one of them is going to know sooner or later. But I know, by the time they're 18 they'll already know. The boys ask me about their looks, and who their mother is. I won't lie to kids, but I'll just redirect them to another topic. Hell, I've already written down their names into the Codex (for those who don't know, the Codex is my family's version of the Thievious Racconus except instead of stealing it's about assassination and killing). I only hope that both I and Sly don't die before it's time to pass on our respective heirlooms to the next generation. Hell, if things go how I think they'll go, the thieves and the assassins will probably be reading from each other's books. Hell, I even read a couple of pages of the Thievious Raccoonus myself, and already I could tell there was some assassin influence in some of the tricks.

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Pub: Jul 24 2021 04:00 UTC
Views: 1074