Why should you ask before calling someone a femboy? (specifically a trans person?)

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The term femboy originated as a derogatory term towards transwomen/transfems to invalidate them. This is a common reason to why one would not want the term used on them.

Its been used and is still used to describe transwomen in the porn industry so the word does indeed demean them. It is not a new concept for a transwoman to be referred to as a femboy due to the porn industry. The term is even aside from it often being used to misgender transwomen specifically, also often even for feminine men very sexualized.

So in a sense, just do not use this term for anyone, who didn't outright give you the permission to do so, so don't just go ahead and randomly label a person "femboy", just because they seem to fit whatever aesthetic criteria, it may need for you. (this goes the same for "tomboy")

Some people may prefer the term "roseboy", or may prefer to not have the term used on them at all. Personally, I hate being referred as either.

I also know transwomen who do reclaim it and use it and don’t really care about other trans people using it because they feel they don’t align with the cis concept of femininity or masculinity due to their experiences. So that’s why it’s just as a rule of thumb ask other queer people what they’re comfortable with and respect that.

A lot of people say to stop using the term fully as it's very loaded but there's a lot of discourse. I think it’s just polite to not use the term around anyone who is uncomfortable with it. Personally I’m uncomfortable with it too, it gives me a bit of ick.. but if someone is going to identify as it, I don't believe it’s appropriate to tell someone that they can’t use it. You can definitely tell them not to use the term around you or just not engage with them, but if it goes farther than that, the argument circles back to policing queer people’s self-identification.

Generally there's a lot of layers behind these terms and are very loaded, so please ask for permission beforehand as you may come off very transphobic or uncomfortable to be around, just remember nobody has to be comfortable with the same things you are.

Edit

Pub: 05 Sep 2023 01:51 UTC

Edit: 05 Sep 2023 02:04 UTC

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