You wake up to the recognizable sounds of sniffling nostrils and poorly disguised sobbing. You drowsily open your eyes, noting the distinct lack of something in your arms. Your turn on your side, seeing the vague outline of someone bent over, their back rising and lowering in labored breathing.

"Morning," you say casually.

"O-Oh hey, sorry for waking you up," Kronii makes a poor effort in hiding her distress, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. She should know by now that nothing was hidden to you.

"It's fine, I love waking up at...," you check the clock on the bedside table"...4 AM in the morning,"

She stares at the window, very soon the first rays of the morning sun will peak through the binders and bathe the both of you in it's light.

"Are you sure you like me anon?"

Here we go.

You slide over, your body animated by your lover's self-destructive musings. You quickly wrap your arms around her, letting your chin rest on her shoulder.

"Can you guess what my answer is gonna be? If you win I'll make breakfast," you're still not fully awake, but even so you're coherent enough to be a little playful.

"I know you'll say something like 'of course I love you idiot' but..." you interrupt her right there, she gasps as your teeth sick into the skin on the nape of her neck, nibbling lightly.

"Stop overthinking," you whisper into her ear after giving her the hickey. You can see the wetness in the edges of her eyes.

You can see her jaw lowering , Kronii readying a response to your please. You pre-emptively strike before she went on another self-loathing spiel questioning your sincerity and genuine love of her.

"You're a mess."

That takes her by surprise.

"You're a mess of a human being, barely functioning. You're lazy and unmotivated at times, no matter how much I try to prod you on. You're overconfident but paradoxically insecure, you pride yourself at things that don't matter, you can't even beat kids in a children's game. You say you want to do better, but you always fall short and then try to cope by offering weak excuses. You claim you love adversity but end up flaking in the end. I'm frankly surprised at how you made it this far"

Your words are scathing, bullets of veracious verse vivisecting her at viscous velocity. You can feel her collapse in your arms, the breath taken out of her as her eyes start to tear up. She starts to struggle under your hold, upset and hurt by what you just said.

"Then I finally understood how you made it this far. You're afraid of letting people down, you work hard not for your sake but for others. You're always haunted by the fear of failure. You want to be dependable, you want people to be proud of you. Your parents, your friends and everyone else. You're just too damned self-sacrificing, the only time you act is when other's are in need of it. It hurts, seeing you like this," you tighten your hold, compelled to do so.

What was this? Why did this feel weird? You didn't want to loosen your grip, as if she were to disappear into thin air. As if this was just a mere dream.

"Please be more selfish Kronii, stop thinking if you deserve anything or not. Please be selfish for me."

You're surprised at yourself, surprised at the tears falling down your cheeks.

Kronii turns her face towards you, her eyes.

Dear lord those eyes.

Like the cerulean blue waters of the Eastern Sea, eyes that will never leave your memory.

She embraces you

Now it was her turn to comfort you.

You sink into her, head over her shoulder.

You never want her to let you go.

Never.

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Pub: 17 Dec 2021 09:38 UTC
Views: 361