hi. i understand that you may never see this, and i'm okay with that. i just need to get it out of my system before i feel sick again. i dont even know why i'm putting it here instead of to you directly. i think it's because I dont want drama anymore, probably. in fact i hope you never find this; i hope you never go looking for it.

i want to start by apologizing. Did i do anything wrong? i dont know. ive been told i havent, but no one really heard the entire story so i can't have a solid answer. thinking about the entire thing makes me feel sick to my stomach. i hate everything we did together, and i hate that i went along with it without question. at some point i no longer loved you, and i only wanted to make you happy. i wasn't aware of this until recently. you haunt me, everyday i cant stop thinking about everything i did because you never gave me a reason. neither did Meredith, she never gave me a reason either. i now realize i was weird with you because you were my favorite person, and i believed no bad could come from you. i was clingy because of this too.

if you do, for some odd reason, find this, then i am doing okay! i have a girlfriend now, we've been togehter for a year. she hates you (in case you were wondering). i found out that one time when you called me an embarrassment was because i'm on the autism spectrum (i didnt rp with your friend because it made me uncomfortable, i didnt know them and you said it was embarrassing and asked me why i did that as if i knew why). i do want to apologize for hurting myself with the thumbtack that one time. i would like to say it's been 5 years since i attempted to hurt myself, but i have been trying to stop lying. as i am writing this its been two days, so it's a start. sorry. i picked up rhythm games sometime last year, and i have concluded you wouldnt like them. you weren't a fan of vocaloid so.. yeah. i still play ponytown, which is surprising to me honestly. i get sick when i see you on, i hate it. never play again, i want to feel safe for once. i started being friends with jay at some point, though she turned out to be very toxic. (she was kind of ableist and aggressive when i was dating her gf, who is poly btw and she said it was fine so kinda her fault). like you said, even then no where near as bad as you said. i figured out you spread lies about her to me, and that was why she hated me even when you said you didnt know. i have screenshots of things you've said.

i dont like danganronpa by the way, if you find this and are curious. i dropped it earlier this year due to my lack of interest. my brother still enjoys it, he hates you too. theres a lot of things i cant like because you like(d) them now. i cant think about the beastie boys without feeling sick. i had a friend who liked jojos, and when they would talk about it i would get shaky and have to excuse myself. it was horrible, we're not friends anymore.

i also want to say sorry for telling emily to tell you to die in the first week of school. i was bitter, and petty, and i wanted to somehow make you upset as payment for all of the times i cried over something with you. ive never cried so much over someone.

i'm running out of things to say i think, so this is probably it. sorry for everything

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Pub: 27 May 2022 23:58 UTC

Edit: 28 May 2022 00:11 UTC

Views: 135