this is a message meant for the ponytown player who harassed us on our guestbook by the name of '99' for seemingly no reason at all ? (thanks for that btw /sarc).
i do not want this to come off as rude, but, quite frankly, this pissed us off. also, no, we are not 'a loser' for deleting your messages and blocking your IP simply because we don't want to be harassed for no reason. maybe if you had just whispered to us respectfully we wouldn't feel the need to make this rentry.
- you said '200+ alters while undiagnosed is impossible', and while i WOULD agree with you, it IS very unlikely that systems can be aware of this many alters especially at our bodily age of 18, but it is NOT impossible. for us, we became aware of this many alters purely due to bad luck. if you want to skip the context for whatever reason go ahead, jump to the next bolded sentence. a minimum of 4-5 years ago, we split an introject of one of our abusers, and our previous host was unfortunate enough to need to deal with their influence. for context, at age 13, we had only JUST started learning about different mental health issues and disorders, meaning we had not yet known about DID or OSDD. however, our host had suspected something was happening with us (at this time, the host was only aware of themself, no one else). we had started learning about it, sadly due to tiktok. this may look bad, many kids on tiktok at this time were seeing this and it may be easy to accuse us of being one of those that saw it as trendy to have DID or OSDD, however i can guarantee that is not the case. when we first learnt of it, our host didn't suspect a thing. in fact, with the people talking about how it's easy to spread misinformation about it, they began researching it themself, looking into credible sources either from people with diagnosed DID or from the many many websites made to inform about DID. we did NOT get our information from tiktok, we merely found out about it from there. mental health is one of our collective special interests, and learning about DID definitely influenced us to start researching it for a long time (we still enjoy finding out stuff about it now). so, we were about 15 when our host had much more information about DID and OSDD, had a pretty clear grasp on what it meant and even considered how some of the symptoms fit our situation. but this was merely INTEREST, our host was NOT diagnosing themself at this time, as they could not be sure they fit enough criteria that would get them diagnosed, and, to put it bluntly, they did not want to come off as one of those kids that fake DID because they think it's quirky (it's not.). it was around this time that the introject of our abuser (a malicious alter specifically, not a persecutor or prosecutor as they did not seek to help the system or protect the system, merely wished to harm us) started influencing the host negatively. a lot of the time, the host had already been hearing mumbles of voices in their head (they had not yet made any connection to headspace or any other alters), but the introject had managed to place doubts and thoughts in the host's head. of course, this lead to more research into the topic. but it eventually got to the point where they were leaking information about headspace, and even other alters. obviously, this scared the host, caused unnecessary stress and pain at the thought, but it had happened and now that thought lingered in the back of our head. this next part is blurry for me specifically, as i had not formed then, however i believe this was the point at which other alters stepped in to try and protect the host from this stress, even though the damage had been done. the host did not start immediately self diagnosing, in fact, they wholeheartedly continued to fakeclaim themself until we were almost SEVENTEEN (17), a whole TWO (2) YEARS, because they believed they weren't traumatized (again, the system is protecting them from the trauma). of course, they eventually figured it out, but due to the influence of that introject, the host was already aware of some 30-60ish alters. of course, at the start of figuring this out protectors continued to withhold information about other alters, but by the time we were 4 months away from turning 18 the host's hard work of trying to connect well with headspace was paying off. our protectors decided that, since they would soon be able to enter headspace, it would be worth telling them about some (not all) of the alters that formed. that 30-60 then became 160. and since then? we collectively decided to prioritize making sure any newly formed alters were comfortable in the place they found themselves in, as forming can, of course, be very stressful, finding yourself in a new place without any knowledge of how or why. this meant it would be common knowledge throughout the system how many alters we have so it's easy to keep track of how everyone is doing.
- 'doubles don't exist' , 'many of your alters need source separation' and 'introjects are not their source'. yes, introjects are NOT their source! i know this! we ALL know this! however, for the separation i have to disagree with you for our OWN mental health. yes, it can be VERY unhealthy to have introjects without source separation, it can be equally unhealthy to have them WITH source separation, especially if they connect to their source for coping reasons, such as being a trauma holder. MANY of our alters are detached from source. the vast majority i would say. BUT the main ones that are not are the ones that make their own skins on ponytown. we do not think we 'are genshin impact' as you put it. genshin is a source of comfort for us, this influenced how many alters we formed from that source. a LOT of our genshin and other alters are separating themselves from source, as many do not, in fact, like their source! however, the ones that ARE attached to source are doing it for coping and comfort reasons and are doing it as healthily as they can comfortably. to SOME of these alters (not ALL), it makes them extremely uncomfortable to know that others may have formed from their source (they are aware they are not their source, however, they are merely uncomfortable with SHARING a source as it comforts them). to clarify, this is a boundary we have put in place for OUR alter's safety. we absolutely do not condone attacking people for sharing a source as someone and these alters are aware that they should not do this. so instead, we ask that people respect this boundary so it does not cause our alters unnecessary stress. it is not ableist to have a boundary that protects yourself. would you rather we put ourselves through immense stress and mental harm?
- i didnt read your other messages before i deleted them, only got the last part of one about being a loser for deleting them, but, i will say this AGAIN. we do NOT want to be harassed for simply existing. it's people like YOU who make us feel fake. YOU have caused us unnecessary stress these past few days. constantly checking our guestbook out of paranoia that you might have commented again, paranoia that you're going to approach us in ponytown, paranoia that you're going to fakeclaim us (you've already done that albeit subtly, thanks a lot! you're doing wonders for our mental health! /sarc). if you ever comment on our guestbook again at least don't be a pussy and put your github as your name so i know who to block. if you have enough time to harass systems for being self-diagnosed without knowing the full story then you have enough time to be doing other more productive things. i don't even know if you are but this entire thing just honestly seems like someone who had the luxury to be able to be diagnosed is shitting on someone for being self-diagnosed WITH YEARS OF RESEARCH. we cannot get diagnosed. 1. we worry that the mom will not believe us if we were to tell her. 2. you should know that many MANY doctors do not believe in DID and OSDD because it's very hard to prove that you have other people in your body. 3. we do not want to risk getting told we don't have it when the symptoms point to this. 4. the public waitlist for diagnosing is EXTREMELY long, we do not have the money to go privately. 5. we are already stressed with other things in life, like finding work, so getting a diagnosis is the least of our concerns right now.
that's the end. please just leave us alone. we won't tolerate any more harassment.