I was good, I was really good.


૮⠀ ࣪⠀ ִ⠀ ꭰᥲᥒ𝑖ᥱ𝑙⠀ ۫⠀⠀ᵒᵘ⠀⠀zᥱᥱ(𝚔)⠀. ۫ ⠀꣑ৎ . ִֶָ 𓂃 ⊹ ִֶָ ⠀
── 日记 ͏͏ ͏ ͏͏ঌ ͏͏ ͏ ͏͏𝑑𝑖𝑎𝑟𝑦 ͏͏ ͏ ͏𝖺𝖻𝗈𝗎𝗍 ⠆ 𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐲. 𖦹 ⌒ ‧ ˚
﹒𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟔年𝟎𝟏月𝟐𝟗日
i'm not sure about my gender anymore. this is why i dont like to label myself, but at the same time i feel like i need those labels so people will understand me better. i dont want to be called a girl, i dont want to be treated like a girl. i hate the body i have. i hate the voice i have. i hate the sex i was assigned to at birth. and yet...
sometimes i want to cling to that feminine side of mine, fully embrace it. dress more feminine, style my hair more often, let it grow, learn how to do makeup and learn different styles. get a partner and get called their girlfriend. i want to experience your typical teenage girl experiences. but...
i also want a partner who'll see me as a guy, who will call me a he. i want them to call me boyfriend. i want to be treated as a guy. i want people to acknowledge me as one, and to view me as one. i want to experience male friendships. i want to have a male body. get surgery, start t. everyday i wish i was born as a guy...
i used to label myself as trans, tmasc, transgender, and for a long time believed that's what i am, but now this feminine side is creeping and im unsure of what i am. i identify myself as a guy, dude, man, boy, bro, wtv u wanna call it, i only use he/him and feel uncomfortable being called a she/her by others. but... for some reason i'd be ok if people called me "girlfriend" ugh i just frowned at that. ok maybe i'd only be ok with irls calling me that. anyway, this feminine side is creeping but i dont want to consider myself a femboy, twink, roseboy, whatever u wanna call it, because i don't believe i'm one.
i've been looking at off-shoulder shirts, cute skirts, dresses, shoes, tops, but i also wouldn't call myself a guy who cross-dresses or any sort. i also know if i start dressing feminine people won't acknowledge me as a guy, but... i dont know im really conflicted right now. and no i wont be correcting them because im in the #CLOSET since my mom has expressed her thoughts on homosexuals, trans people, and stuff. plus the other people arround me wouldn't react well either. i came out to my sibling whom i trusted with my soul and they brushed it off as a joke and keep making insensitive comments about it from time to time. so yeah that's the kind of environment im in...
ok back to the topic, i'm starting to think i might be genderfluid. (AGAIN.) im not sure.