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skeetle deet! hi Okay people who are seeing this who aren't camdy (hi cam! hi gf hi amazing pretty girlfriend i love you!! <3) aha nd yes this is another a love letter to my amazing great girlfriend ♡ her rntry is here

my hoard and my main

if ur not her and you got here by accident/got redirected or something i suggest you leave i have stuff to say. but at the same time idc really. stay or go read or leave it doesn't bother me

moving on to CAMDEN my amazing silly girfreind who deserves the entire world and who is the BIRTHDAY PRINCESS


hi cam!!! it's been a little bit since i wrote you a letter .. chehehehe.
do you know what day it is??? tuesday? well. yes. but, it's also your BIRTHDAY!!!!!! yay!!!! and since i'm broke i can't buy you anything. so i got you a letter instead (also i like writing my heart out. makes me so happy!!!)

happy SEVENTEENTH birthday!!! wow... that sounds so old now that i'm saying that aloud. can you believe i met you wjen you were 15 and i was 14??!?!?!? one age difference... owah.... you're so old what!!!!! and my birthday is in aug and i will be 16 wahhhh i wish we were the same age ... ehhh whatever! uyou might be a whole foot taller than me (im totally not holding a grudge....) but that doesnt change the fact i could crush you in any sport teeheeeeee

anyways! since you are the BIRTHDAY PRINCESS, it's MY job as your GIRLFRIEND to give you the HAPPIEST day of your life!!!! (or at least try to anyways) also, it means i can shower you in a birthday SPEECH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cuz you deserve it!!!

darling, if i happened to die right this second, right this moment, i'd probably die knowing life is all about choice. (i sound like a mom...)

you CHOSE to get out of bed this morning ; you could have stayed in bed all day. (unless ur still in bed, then good job for waking up!)
you CHOSE to eat breakfast today ; you could have skipped it. (also if you havent eaten breakfast then go eat please)
you CHOSE to read this letter ; you could have blocked me. (thansk for not blocking me btw! :3)

and sometimes, choices backfire and the results are something we didn't mean, or something that hurts others. but other times, choices are amazing, and they help others, and they're beautiful.

but you know what? one thing you can't choose to control is your heart. it's so confusing to know what's in your heart sometimes, you know? you have a lot of things at once, a lot of people you worry and care about, a lot of things you get happy or angry or anxious or disappointed or scared or eager or desperate about. and it gets really loud, right? really loud and annoying and difficult.

you can't choose who you love. that's what i think.

people can decide to get into a relationship for all sorts of reasons ; money, fame, beauty, a sense of security, peer pressure. but i don't think that's true love, you know? if you decide to date someone just because of how much their net worth is or what you'll gain in the end, well, that's kind of shitty to be honest. no, i think love is something natural, that should run on it's own course. something that you feel on your own, something that's probably always been there. and if you're lucky ; really lucky, the person you love will love you back.

that doesn't mean love always works out. sometimes you like the wrong person, or it's not compatible. sometimes, love is like that one nice person you wave at in the hall. you smile, you might even laugh, but in a bit that moment passes and you both move on to find your class. that doesn't mean you don't hold onto the memory of the wave or you regretted it ; it just means you both had something else to do, something that worked out.

but at the same time, you can choose to look at someone from a loving perspective. that doesn't mean you love them, it just means you choose to see them as if you loved them.

for instance ; i love my brother. i kind of have to love him, whether i like it or not. it's not a choice, it's a primal instinct, i'll always be there for him, even if he is kind of annoying. however, i don't have to (platonically) love the kids at my school. they all suck, and i don't owe them anything. but. i can choose to look at them from a loving perspective! i can be like "welllllllll timmy is relaly good at art, and he's funny sometimes in class, and he's smart." i don't like him, i never will, but in order to keep the peace i'll pretend for an hour and thirty minutes that i actually like him, by looking at his (admittedly few) positives.

but when you love someone, really love someone, you don't have to force yourself to come up with positives for them. you see positives naturally, because you lovethem so much that even the negatives are insignificant in the long run.

that's how i feel about you, you know? you see yourself as the most horrible worthless unloved criminal who deserves to be locked up and needs to be punished but i love you so i can;t see those sides of you until proven otherwise. you can hate yourself. i can't change your mind about your own body and stuff. but i want you to know unless you actively caused a genocide or somegthing, i really can't just get up and be like "oh. you're telling me you're a bad person?! must be true. bye." i see positives all the time, and your negatives exist, yes, but in the long run they don't mean so much to me.

and all this talk about "i would do XXXX if i could" congrats! thoughtcrimes aren't real! nobody is going to lock you up for what you WANT to do, only what you ACTUALLY do! you aren't a criminal unless you actually do a crime! so until you ACTUALLY do said things, you're still a good person! yippee!!

i remember one time, you asked me, "why are you so nice?" when you were feeling sad. i wanted you to tell me what was wrong, but you said you didnt wanna hurt me .. and i didnt know what ti say to that. ive been called nice before, and i know i can be a little too forgiving and stuff with people, but ive never had to explain why.

i'm nice, because i like being nice. i don't know how to explain it honestly .. it's just easier to forgive and forget than to be really angry and bitter about shit. i'm nice, because there's a million bad things happening in the world, and it's a waste just to hold grudges. i'm nice, because i think everyone deserves someone to talk to, and confide in, and feel comfortable around no matter who you are. but i'm also nice because it's like .. a primal instinct for me. i can't really be rude to people even if i tried. the only way i could really lash out at someone is if you, like, did something really horrible to someone i care about. which you haven't! yippee!

and even if you were terrible and i saw those parts of you, i can't just. throw you away like that. because youve done so much for me. i cant just. forget it. like i said, i naturally see the good parts of you, so i cant just switch alliances like that.

look, darling. you might read all this and go "BULLSHIT!!!!!!" and thats fine! i'm not a magician, i'm not a wizard, and i can't mgaically change your opinions. i can't reach in your mind and tell what;s wrong, i can't snap my fingers and make it better, though i wish i could. (and i would). but i'm here for you, okay? i;m always here. if you're feeling bad, you don;t have to say "i'm fine" if you don't feel fine! you can talk to me about anything and everything and anyone and everyone ,, even if i don't understand i'll listen!

why's that? cuz... you make me feel special! and you haven't given up yet! you've been close, you've definitely considered it, but uyou didn't. and that. really means a lot to me. you stayed here and you stayed with me even if it was painful and difficult and hopeless and awful and disgusting. and so... thank you for being my friend and my girlfriend and super awesome amazing kawaii senpai wonderful!!!!1!!!

soooo .. bye bye!!!! HAPPY BRITYHDAY MY SILLY!!!!!! HAPPY 17!!!!!!!!! YOURE OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!! (/lh) and i love you so so so much!!!!!!!!!!! another funny sillyism year together!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! mwahmwah mwah mwah id KISS you if i could!!!!!!!!! (with consent ofc) i love you and talking about prosekai and mizuki and femboys and the silliest things everrrrr and you're my favoritest (is that a word....?) utahn prince ever (/ref) and nobody could EVER replace you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love tou so much camcat i cant wait to be with you 4ever and ever, okay? <3

ー always sleepy, tora !!! ♡



p.s. ; why did i sign off with "always sleepy"? wellllll that cuz im .. always sleeepy haha!
but also cuz while writing this its like 2:30 am haha ... im so sleepyyyy but im awake
because i love you! happy birthdayyyyyy you're the only one 4 me you're so amazing
i love talking ab our silly things together!! okay if im not careful this will turn into a
part 2 of the letter so goodbye!!! i loev you so so much darling ♡

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Pub: 22 Feb 2024 04:00 UTC
Edit: 28 Feb 2024 18:30 UTC
Views: 280