ladies and gentlemen will you please stand?
with every guitar string scar on my hand %
☆
★
you are one of the best people i have ever met honestly, you're somehow better than everyone else i know, and i feel like that says a lot. you're now literally the only person i talk to outside of headspace, i'm serious, i mean, why would i need anyone else when i have you? i don't need anyone else but you. and purely, i'm proud to say that you're mine, i'm not going to let anyone else have you, no matter how bad they may want you, i'm not letting them. not even kidding, i sort of yelled at the other patrick that you were talking to, just kind of telling him that he's not allowed to have you and shit. he called me obsessive so, guess i earned that role now, hm? but seriously, you're an amazing person, i love talking to you and everything. you make me feel safe, loved, and just, whatever else. most words can not describe how i feel around you, and how much i love you. whenever i'm around you i feel a strange sense of comfort, just like, i could be myself when with you, and you're the only person who makes me feel like that. you're the only person i want, always.
not joking when i say i would try to become some perfect, mentally stable person for you. i would try to hide all that fucking illness just for you, but i'm pretty sure you already love me for who i am, so i won't try with that. but i could listen to you talk day in and day out and somehow not get tired of it, i would hold you all day if i could, giving you occasional kisses for comfort and what not. i would do so many things just for you, even if it meant almost burning down our kitchen just to bake you something of the sort.
ever since you spent the night, i've been doing so many things to remember it. which includes annoying the shit out of richie by talking to him about it, i've only been using the blanket we shared that night, i've rewatched so many things we watched that night, basically only listened to the playlists we did then, i've kept the squishmallow you decided to lay on near me while i sleep, i've kept source book on the floor almost exactly where you put it. honestly, those days were basically heavenly to me, so trying to do everything i can to remember it is just everywhere, but you know. i'm also trying to get our room more clean than before for next time you come over, just to make it perfect for you.
you mean the world to me, silas, and i love every name you call me. tricks, baby, sweetheart, whatever you call me, i fucking love it. i want to spend every moment i can with you. and i am still sort of shocked you said yes to officially being my boyfriend, but who am i to complain, right? as long as i have you, i think i'm going to be alright. and i'm just as surprised as richie or elliot on how healthy our relationship is, i mean, due to our source you wouldn't expect it to be like this, but here we are, and i'm happy with it. i'm happy i have a healthy relationship with someone i truly love and not someone i loved because of some stupid obsession i had with them. everything just feels right with you; a relationship, kissing, hugging and cuddling, just everything.
i'm being absolutely serious with everything i say here, i love you so goddamn much, and i am so fucking glad to have you and be able to hold you in my arms, and just being able to talk to you. you've made me feel the best i ever have in my what? 2.1k hours of fronting as of typing this. yeah, i've been fronting for that long and haven't felt like this until i met you. i've been fronting since december and only met you this month, and i feel way happier just being with you.
i know it sounds like we're in some corny relationship when i say all of this, but i am truly serious with everything i say, i don't care how many times i have to state that, i am serious. you're one of the best people i have ever met, and i'm just proud to be your lover. you mean everything to me, everything, i wouldn't trade you for anyone or anything else. i have you and i'm just fucking happy with that. thanks for being with me, and talking to me, and just giving me a chance. seriously, i love you so so fucking much, and definitely way more than you love me. i could type way more but, one, i'm way too tired, two, my wrists and hands are starting to hurt, three, i literally can't think of anything else to type right now, but i will add more as the days pass. love you, pretty boy. <3


every night, i swear you're the only thing on my mind. the only thing i ever think about is you. literally, i fall asleep thinking about you. your presence brings me a wave of comfort i'd never thought i'd experience, but i was proven wrong, huh? you're the best partner i've ever fucking had, though i've never had any other partner before you, so i don't even see my own point there, but still. you mean the absolute fucking world to me, and i don't think that will ever fucking change.
everything you say to me brings such a big wave of pure comfort, and i don't even know why. honestly you in general just brings me comfort. it's weird, but it's also really nice. your touch, voice, everything is really fucking comforting, no matter what it is. as i'm typing this i'm literally wishing you were just in my arms right now while we watch some random movie you pick out, no matter what it is. it can literally be a my little pony movie of some sort and i won't protest against it.
i just want you here with me, snuggled up together and drifting asleep with some random movie or show in the background while i play with your hair; i swear i can make up so many random scenarios between you and i when i get bored, or i'm just incredibly tired and i think of some stupid comforting shit to put myself to sleep without absolutely breaking down beforehand.
that's all i have to say for tonight, hope richie spams you saying i updated this or something. goodnight, darling. i love you so much. :)


i miss you so much, hun. i miss talking to you and hanging out, hopefully over the summer we have a ton more days where it's just us hanging out. i know i don't text first, but neither do you, so please, text me whenever you want to talk, silas, i miss you. :(
i've been thinking about you a shit ton more recently, and i feel like we should do something for out 4 month anniversary together, which comes up on july 18th. :) you guys should hopefully be back from japan by then anyways, so hopefully we can.
i'm always here when you need to talk by the way, love. it can be about anything, i don't care, just talk to me when you feel like you really need to, whether it's because you're spiraling or just because you want to talk to me, i don't give a shit! i miss you a lot and i just want to start talking again.
i promise i'll also start making an attempt to text back and text first, properly, more often. cause i know i'm barely making any attempts into the whole talking again thing.
you mean so much to me hun, and i'm so sorry that we've barely talked and have barely hung out recently, i swear we'll hang out as much as we can this summer to make up for it. i love you so fucking much, again, text me whenever you feel like you need to talk, about literally anything, and i promise i'll think of a few date ideas for us for when we hang out again, just so we have something to do.
happy almost 4 months my love. mwaa. <3
☆
★☆ ﹐ i take this magnetic force of a man
ılı to be my lover!

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Pub: 24 Mar 2023 02:06 UTC
Edit: 30 Jun 2023 12:42 UTC
Views: 188