Holohoax Fairytales

[compiled by fart_napkin – @StashTheFash]

Table of Precedents


Machines and Gizmos


  • Masturbation Machines
    "Oy Vesmir!  I-I... I'm gonna...Here it comes!  Oy Gevaut, I'M GONNA COOOOOOOOM
  • Introducing... The F.A.R.T. — Flatulence-Assisted Rectal Tubing
    WARNING: Side effects of the F.A.R.T. may include 'Total Anal Implosion'
  • Dr. Megelove or: How I Learned to Stop Jewry and Build the Nuketown Map from CoD
    NEIN-NEIN-NEIN!!!  Just look at these mannequins, ffs! We specifically requested Semitic phenotypes! Get Dr. Hans on the line immediately and tell him to redraft the blueprints for these mannequins at once!
  • Electrified Conveyor Belts
    ZAP! BURN! ZAP-ZAP-BURN!  Come on, everybody now!
  • Testi-Bag Slapper 5000
    A Machine that would make even Moloch blush!
  • "Prince of Persia"-style chambers, complete with moving knifes shooting out of the floor+walls
    "Heh. Dastan's the name (I think?), dodging knifes and reversing the Arrow of Time's my...AAAH FUCKKK!  Oh shit, a knife literally just plunged into my teste-bag!! Guys, I'm not even kidding; This is serious!  Oh, it hurts, oh God it hurts real bad, This is bad; This is very, very ba--GAME OVER
  • Holobunga Tycoon!!

    "Guten Tag! Name's Ernst but your bitch-made selves can call me E-Money. Now Listen up!!
    Please keep your hands, arms, and legs inside the ride vehicle and remain seated AT ALL TIMES.
    Hang onto your personal belongings, especially any loose objects not affixed to your person, such as hats, glasses, precious metals, lampshades, and/or bars of soap...
    Haha, just Joshin' ya, folks! We all know your grimy-grundles haven't touched fresh agua since the Kaiser took an embolysim to the lung, at least.
    Now—No, Yeheshkel! Now is not the time for your damn silly questions!
    D-don't you give me that, "what you want I should say" to me, pal! Tryna act all coy like you weren't about to—
    –I freakin' saw you about to raise your hand, you damn liar, so looks we're nippin' in the bud, right here, guys!
    Now, for the SIXTH God damned time today: NO! Baby blood "doesn't count" as fresh water, ya buncha sickos!
    Besides, even if it did (which it doesn't!), are you trying to tell me that you lot dunk your grundles i—you know what? Scratch that. I don't wanna know...
    I SAID I DON'T WANT TO KNOW, SCHMUEL!! ffs...
    [sigh] What is it, Chaim?
    ...No, It doesn't matter how young the boy—
    Miriam, don't you even thi—I can see it in your damn beady eyes, woman!!
    I don't give a good God damn WHAT VILLAGE he was stolen fr—Ok, you know what? Question Time is over; There will be no more questions today!
    Moving on... Christ Almighty, now where was I...Uh--Oh, also, please do not exit the vehicle until you've been reduced to a fine ash, at which point you may quietly & safely dissipate into the æther forever, thereby saving the proud Aryan race from your perverted, parasitic ways.
    Buncha damn protoplasmic blobs of genetic misfit...
    Now for a quick prayer: Ashes to ashes; Dust to dust...Now have fun, you crazy kids!!
    Adios forever, muchachos!"

  • 'Old Sparky: REDUX'
    >Boy are you guys lucky that tonight is Shabbat and we're fresh outta shabbos goys to flip the switch!
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Uncle Adolf's Rain-or-Shine Funbook!


  • The Fight of the Century: Man-Bear-Pig vs Cage-Bear-Eagle
    Simple, elegant, refined: A cage with a bear in it to eat you and an eagle to help pick your bones dry
  • "Daddy DiGiorno Immolation"
    What is there to even say at this point...
  • Subdued by Seltzer
    "Weimar's Top Elixir: Deadly Suds, or Delicious Duds? You Be the judge!"
  • "500k Children 'Lured by Sugar & Chocolate' 🡆 brap'd "In a Gadda Da V̶i̶-- Roses!"
    "Weimar's Top Elixir: Deadly Suds, or Delicious Duds? You Be the judge!"
  • Mummified "Thumb-Switches"
    Introducing the Colonel's all-new, mummified light-switch thumbs for a limited time only; Get 'em while supplies last!  The're finger-flickin' good!
  • A simple, yet elegant hole in the wall where prisoners were forced to shove the barrel of a shotgun into, thereby forcing the barrel to miraculously bend back towards their face and pop out of a 2nd hole above the 1st hole so that when the trigger is pulled, the bullet traverses the length of the barrel, curving back towards the user before blasting out of the business-end of the shotty, providing them with a lovely, lead face-lift as a result (despite violating countless laws of physics, thermodynamics, relativity--Hell, even metaphysics--in the process!
    ![Below is an authentic, gelatin-silver photograph (circa ~1939) of the sadistic, barrel-bending wormhole contraption in use by an unfortunate, unidentified POW cat. [colorized]](https://archive.vn/VOsya/6429ab83ff045c5c7ee522fe6de9173ae7f0ce19.png)

    "T-Ton? How you spelling it? Ok, T-like-Tefillin? O-like-Oznei Haman? M-like-Mezuzzah. Ok, T-O-M, yes? Tom &...and j-Jerald, you calling it...? Heh...Eh, n-no, I never hear of such things that you speaking. What it is, some kind of moving pictures for the yeladim? Somesing like dis, yes? Ok, so then this is a pure meshuggena question! You know, when I growing up in a Kibbutz, life is not...how you saying...easy-peasy, yes? We not having the luxury for any kinds of dis fancy technology wires or the television projections, you understanding it what I am say for you now?! Just to make a curious, but h-how come you should ask for me about this question, goy? Sure, maybe I act sometime, ok, I admit, but you saying I look like boy of 10 year, also? W-What, you want I should just standing here a make a big shit for you face and intelligence and act like the filthy schvartze-nigger down the street, making the lies for you like they doing everydays? What, you want I should say, "Oh yes, I see this movies-cartoon" when I know, and you know, and I know you know, and I also thinking maybe even you know I know that I not seeing or knowing any kinds of this crazy 'Tim and Yaakov' movies-cartoon programme for which you speaking about!? Not to make the insult to the front of you face like person of the retarded, but according to Talmud Torah, and the Rebbe, anything the goyi--GENTILE cattl--PEOPLES...g-Gentiles peoples I saying!, making a touch for is no kosher. Prohibited! STRICTLY CANNOT! Yes? This meaning I not allow for watching this goyim shows, chas v'shalom! I swear to Say goy, I can tell you liking to own the shiny metals, no? m-maybe a big blood diamond for you beautiful wife to wear on layaway for 0% down? Here is my card, special for you only! Hehe..." *

    *It should be noted during the entirety of this inquiry into the suspicious testimony of said story, the testifier's fat and paunchy Jewesses wife was tearing her hair out, calling upon the God of Jacob & Aaron to witness how how they are persecuted so, and how the above-mentioned hole could conveniently only be seen by those who keep kosher (which then begs the question of how it was even designed to begin with...).

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Games and LARPs


  • Ye 'Ol Lumberjack Slam
    TIMBERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!
  • Drowning Prisoners in the [s-sesame?] Pool
    The horrors!

    shit! NONONO! NOT THAT POOL, SCHLOMO!! I said cesspool, you schmuck!! They're not supposed to know abo--w-what do you mean my mike's hot?! Oy vey fuc--uhhhh, hehe, um...My fellow goyi--READERS: May I please have you attention for a moment? Please disregard that image--and jannies, PLS DELET, NOW!

  • "Kill X Birds with 1 Stone"
    >"Achievement Unlocked: Headshot Honcho"
  • Four-Point-Five'Fer!
    "Boy did those SS Guards know how to have a good time!"
  1. Building-Top, Umbrella-Assisted HALO-Jumps
    (PROTIP: Toss a couple broken umbrellas into the mix for added hilarity, soaking in their panic-stricken faces as they desperately try to open the umbrella! So much for "MUH Ashkenazi IQ.)
  2. Travel around the camp in style, like Xerxes on his Throne!

(PROTIP: Flicking burning pieces of paper at the face's of your Neanderkike go-go fuel trudging along underfoot; It helps build character.)

  1. Line-up 2 rows of squatting, whip-wielding Gopniks (Eg.) and have them face each other.

Next, center a FOUND OUT in between them and simply dangle a shekel (a "Kantine" coupon will also suffice, in a pinch!) in front of him, and watch his base, genetic instincts involuntarily kick in! [1]
(PROTIP: Ply the Gopniks with Kvas, bring a boombox, and blast Hardbass!)

[1] To quote the brilliant T. T. Timayenis:

Upon one occasion, a young lady, while passing the corner of Park and Kearny Streets, was addressed by one of these Jew Lotharios of the street. Gazing upon the Jew dude with a pitying look, she drew a fifty-cent piece from her pocket, and threw it at his feet, exclaiming:

“You miserable thing! you don’t look as if you were half fed. Go and buy yourself something to eat with that.”

The Jew masher gazed for a moment at the coin as it lay on the sidewalk, and then the instincts of his race conquered him. He stooped, picked up the money, and pocketed it. A quick and efficacious way to get rid of the Jew masher is to throw him a little money. It will engross his attention, and secure a release from his importunities.

"The American Jew: An Exposé of His Career"

  1. Grab a skinny prisoner and force his to take a swig of Vodka and eat then like...m-make him eat 2lbs of sausage really fast! HAHAHAA!!

    w-wait, I don't get it...

    4.5) Uhh--Need a fast, DIY Latrine?! Not to worry! Simply grab that anorexic, drunk-fuck and unload your pure, Aryan piss-juice directly into his stupid, sausage-filled gullet!
    (PROTIP: Use the tongue as a urinal cake, hopefully inducing vomiting as a result!)

Toxins and BRAAAPs



lolwut


  • Blood Geysers
    >"It's raining blood!  Hallelujah!
  • Lara Croft in...'Tomb Raider - Escape from Treblinka!'
    Ferocious Femoid Power: ACTIVATE!
  • Contracting TB from acoustically-inclined, music-aficionado canines trained by Dr. Mengele himself to attack performers who flubbed even a single, solitary note during a performance
    Dr. Mengele: "Terrible!!  Just terrible! Miriam, that sounds like a G# to me!  And what time signature are you even playing in, Ester?!
Why, oh why did mein Führer so graciously allow you deaf turbo-kikes to assemble an orchestra?!
That's it, I've heard enough!  Sic 'em, boys!!
  • Nazi Soap Rendered from Jewish Fat
    "Oh, you're not scum?!  Well, you will be after I render those thicc, juicy, Khazar Milkers into soap and toss it in with some hard water, bitch!
  • Holding a Funeral for a BAR OF FUCKING SOAP!!!
    "Ashes to Ashes; Suds to suds...
  • A Girl Writing a Diary with 2 Very Different Styles of Handwriting, All While Using a Pen that Wouldn't be Invented for Another Few Years After her Death
    Chad: "Hey Ann, are you a school?"
Ann: "A-am I IN school, you mean'?"
Chad: "No, are you A school?"
Ann: "Uhhhh...n-no?  I mean, I don--"
Chad: "Cause I wanna shoot some kids inside you, bae!"
  • Post-War Photo-Ops with Kike-skin Lampshades, Kosher Soap, & Shrunken Heads
    Don't miss an all-new Ancient Aliens, on the History Channel: Were the Nazis actually secret voodoo-nigger practitioners?!?!  Based on fabricated, turbo-kike, holobunga propaganda, this Devry Graduate says, "it's 110% likely!"
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"It sounds unbelievable, but it happened." - Shoah Survivor

Edit Report
Pub: 12 Apr 2020 05:00 UTC
Edit: 03 Feb 2022 02:07 UTC
Views: 3508