SIMON:
From the bloodline of the Belmonts, I descend
To make a cockroach meet her agonizing end
And when you rap against me, it’s idiotic to pretend
That anybody stands a ghost of a chance
Cause I’m motherfuckin Simon, the undisputed chain-whip GOAT
Stompin on a bug in a frilly-ass red coat
I’m the Vampire Killer, you’re a washed-up seamstress
Your weapon looks like something that I’d floss my fuckin teeth with
The superhuman feats that I pull off are spectacular
While you were someone’s pet, bitch I fucked up Dracula
I saved the world on Easter, now my name’s in fables
What did you do, give your own brother the old Cain and Abel?
You took your whole schtick from Dark Souls
Your powers from Madeleine and your getup from a geisha show
You’re not a badass, you’re two-faced and nothing but fluff
And to prove myself a Belmont, I’ll show you who’s tough
HORNET:
Oh, what a horrible night to have a battle rap
With Mark Mothersfabiough and his Aria of Crap
You think you can step up to the Queen of Deepnest? You’re delusional
You can’t even swim, and that jump is inexcusable!
I’m an acrobatic maven, you move like a kaiju
Coming back from Benihana, what’s up with your thighs, dude?
Anyone who tries to fight me ends up as shawarma meat
I’ll shove my needle up your smelly ass and march you through the street
You can’t kill Drac, he just keeps comin back
You’re a hack, what’s it gonna take for you to know that?
Your bro J tried, and he just trapped his castle in the sun
Haven’t you read the novel? Bram Stoker really pulled a fast one!
What’s wrong, Montie? Are you at the end of your tether?
Can’t handle the torture of knowing I do everything you do but better?
No matter how many fucking candles you whip, it’s still a bupkis dagger
Hell, I even got more swagger!
SIMON:
Fuck you, me and Richter and Julius saved Europe from doom
And you’d better hope they’ve got Magical Tickets in Pharloom
It doesn’t matter if we’re in the Castle or the Nexus, I’ll destroy this
Sharpen your needle all you want, Princess, it’s pointless!
Just a look at my whip is enough to fill some shorts
It’s over, don’t even try to retort
You got one game then wasted away in development hell
I got six and a show on Netflix, can’t you tell…
I’m iconic, I’ve got homies from George Martin to the Gathering
While you’re the muscle mommy queen of furry fandom pandering
Konami made me and they’re drowning in moolah
So get on your knees and just sugi on my pula!
HORNET:
Oh shut up, you kinky himbo! Get a grip!
You’re such a filthy degenerate you walk around with a whip
I’m a bonafide wet dream, I don’t even have curves
But all the gamers wanna do is garana hegale… fuckin pervs!
You’re a dumb blond barbarian with a greasy-ass hairdo
Making the Castlevania your own personal SNAFU
You think you're sexy, eating chicken out the wall?
Come to the Citadel, your beast nature will be bare to all!
You’re such a misogynist, it’s not even funny
Did HP Lovecraft ghostwrite all those bars for hush money?
This whole damn battle, you should have held your tongue
I may not have a stinger, but I’m venomous, and you’ve been stung