last updated 6/1/26 art by fenkko

hello you can find my main rentry here. this is where i ramble about childe because he's my favorite ever. idk how much text you can put on a rentry but i'll keep updating this until i find out.
this has mainly become a vent rentry sadly sorry. i think i will maybe delete it or stop linking it
chiscara/genshin rambles here.


5/9/25 these are american dates sorry if anyone actually looks at this but anyways i love childe so fucking much im so excited for skirk to become playable so i can see her voiceline about him. and i hope he's going to be in her story quest too or at the very least be mentioned a lot in it. i would give up my leg to see a special animation of childe and skirk in the abyss when he was 14 i soso badly want to see what it was like for him. even just one of those brief cutscene arts in the game please show me baby childe i need to see him. i always picture him so young like a seven year old instead of 14 for some reason when i imagine him in the abyss..


5/15/25 i want to get back into art so i can draw him a bunch and also draw chiscara.. i keep saying im gonna draw but i never do. i have a bunch of ideas but no motivation sigh ill stick to writing fanfics for now


5/19/25 i managed to get escoffier last night soso happy.. (i first lost my 50/50 after 82 pulls and got dehya instead..) decided to risk it and get her instead of leaving my guaranteed for skirk because skirk will be kinda dookie without her, BUT also because she can be used with childe! im lowkey tired of his team never changing and hes fun to use with escoffier, furina and yelan. ive already been clearing the abyss with him furina and yelan together and now i have an even better team!!!! lets hope i can farm enough for skirk though


5/27/25 wahhhhh i lov echilde so i much i wanna lay down and die but i want to see him in snezhnaya


6/9/25 skirk is so so soon!!!! im so excited to see what her voiceline about childe will be.. even though i only have 53 pulls right now :( i dont have much left to do to get primos other than story quests and i hate doing those because they feel like they get longer and longer and longer. escoffiers was killing me when i did hers i thought it ended like an hour before it actually did. but it's all for skirk which also means it's all for childe so i have to lock in and do it


6/12/25 SKIRKS ANIMATED SHORT CAME OUT A FEW HOURS AGO!! we didnt get to see childe BUT we briefly heard him :sob: his littke baby voice was so cute fuck my baka life i love him so much. i wish i could hear it in english too but it's okay im still so happy. i really hope someday we'll get to see official art or an animation of him in the abyss when he was training with skirk PLEASE LET ME SEE BABY CHILDE UGHHGJHUH. anyways i have 57 pulls now. considering im getting 150 per day and spiral abyss resets in a couple days i think i'll manage to get enough to get a five star. just no guarantee it'll be skirk....


6/13/25 HOYL SHIT SKIRKS TEASER CAME OUT ABOUT AN HOUR AGO AND I WAS LIKE 45 MINUTES LATE BECAUSE I WAS GRINDING FOR HER IN GENSHIN.. BUT OHH MY GOD BAB YCHILDE@!!!!!!!! I GOT TO SEE BABY CHILDE MY WISHES HAVE BEEN GRANTED IM SO FUCKING HAPPY I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SEE THE DAY!! HES SO CUTE I TEARED UP SEEING HIM IM STILL IN SHOCK


6/16/25 skirk comes out tomorrow i cant believe it.. currently sitting with 72 pulls. praying i win my 50/50 im highkey going ot cry if i lose. but even if i lose i WILL get her it'll just take a few days. i went to the zoo yesterday and i slept a ton for once in my life afterwards and im still tired today, i dont know how much more i can farm today sighh. i wanna draw childe too


6/17/25 I GOT SKIRK!!!! I WON MY 50/50!!!!1 so happy i couldnt believe i actually won i genuinely thought i would lose i wasnt letting myself get my hopes up. also she's SO STRONG (granted i have her best team BUT still). not getting her weapon (i only have four pulls left anyways) and now im gonna save for durin, dottore, and columbina. so happy i hope childe is proud of me


6/20/25 watched a movie with my friend in vc and started drawing childe as i was watching i hope i actually come back to it


7/1/25 ^ i still havent come back to it LMAO. ill try to soon
anyways i'm so excited for my birthday next month.. new childe merch! i asked for two figures of him, though one is a preorder and doesnt release until december. that's okay though it gives me something to look forward to if anyone actually gets it for me. i asked for a bunch of pins of him and a couple of scara too, i have a bag themed around scarameow and i want to put a bunch of chiscara pins on it. already have two on it and a scara keychain


7/6/25 childes birthday is this month im so so excited.. i cant wait to see his birthday art. i really loved last years he was so cute in the snow i cant wait to see this years. i keep feeling so shitty but just looking at pictures and fanart of him helps a bit as corny as that is to say. he makes me so happy idc man this character is all i need


7/17/25 childes birthday is in three days!!!! im so excited to see his birthday art and read his letter i love him sosososososoo much :( i love him so much i feel like i'll cry when i see his art i already almost cried when i seen baby childe, then again im emotional at the moment lolz/ my birthday is coming up soon too! next month!! hope to get a buncha childe merch


7/19/25 childes birthday is in two hours AND HIS BIRTHDAY ART IS IN LIKE 50 MINUTES OHHH MY GOD


7/20/25 CHILDES BIRTHDAYYYY! I WAS REFRESHING THE GENSHIN TWITTER UNTIL HIS BIRTHDAY ART APPEARED HE'S SO CUTE 😭 i didnt update this right away cause i started playing games with my friends quickly after i seen his art.. and trust me i was very very annoying about how excited i was for his art i wouldnt shut up about it. this is the best day of the year im sososo happy he looked so cute in his art, last years is still my favorite but none of his bday arts disappoint i love them all. heres me and my friends on roblox featuring my peak childe avatar


7/28/25 my birthday is super soon im still just mainly excited for possible childe merch i love him so much. i dont want to turn this rentry into a journal that i vent into but i feel so shitty man. i think everyone hates me and i think my friends are moving on from me and it makes my chest feel so heavy. to the average person my obsession with childe is probably corny as hell but he's like the only thing that actually makes me feel better even if it's just the tiniest bit. i really love this character so much he's been the only thing i'm willing to live for for over a year now. also i've been a fan of him for a while i'll get into that next time i talk here


7/30/25 5.8 is out now woohoo!!!! i really love the new location in natlan it's super fun to explore. i wanna explore it a bunch right now but i don't want to do it too fast.. also leaks are out now and apparently flins really needs ineffa so that SUCKS cause im not gonna get her.. maybe on her rerun. i want flins and durin and leaks say durin is in 6.1 sobs
anyways this is a rentry for childe!! firstly i took a pic of him with this new guy that looks like a fortnite character:

and secondly my friend made this for me to say hi to me:

they asked me what sexuality i headcanon him as but half the time its gay and half the time its bi so they just put both flags :p


8/3/25 it's my birthday woohoooooooo!!!!! and i GOT CHILDE MERCHH!!!!! i was so so happy when i seen all the pins and stuff. i got three pins of him (and one of scara) and i got that little wobbly figure thing of him, AND i got his earring and a ring themed around him.. it also came with a cool little invitation ticket with his art on it. super super happy with what i got :) and i puthim on my cake again this year, the exact same stupid picture as when i turned 19. soo so happy man i love him so much. i also got a new desk and made a shelf dedicated to him, putting pics of my cake and shelf below,,


8/8/25 i want to be a strong husband and carry my boywife childe bridal style and spin him around and after that i will cuddle him to sleep and ensure he gets a proper amount of hours of deep sleep


8/18/25 i only care about childe the workd has gone to shit but i couldjt care less becquse i still have childe and thats all that matters to me. im toing to get him c6. im saving for flins and his weapon (maybe c1 too?), durin, columbina and sandrone. maybe alice too. wnd on top of thay IM PULLING FOR CHILDE CONETELLATIONS WHENEVER HE RERUNS NEXT I dont care if columbinas banner is right after his! guess i'll miss her! i love him so much i want to c6 him right now. i applied for a job i dojt thrinkni got it though i never got a response. ill wpply for another and ill use that money to get c6 childe. also im not drunk im just typing on my phone and it isnt autocorrecting


8/28/25 i preordered that foul legacy action figure the other day im really excited for it. it's supposed to ship around december so im considering it a christmas present to myself. i wish genshin would make more figures i would KILL for a childe nendoroid or scale figure. i love him so much man. i have such low patience for everything and everyone the only thing i can rely on for my own joy is childe!


9/9/25 nod krai releases later today aka snezhnaya is finally in the game!! although we're just sticking to nod krai this year.. but that means next year is snezhnaya! we're one update closer to going to childes hometown and meeting his family. i specifically cant wait for us to meet his mom and tonia. i hope he'll get a part 2 of his story quest by then too.


9/10/25 nod krai is out now!! i love it so far.. im really excited to continue through the archon quest. today i decided to use those feathers to reroll some of childes artifact stats (i was saving them up for him specifically) and because of that he's now in the top 1% on akasha!!!! i honestly expected him to go down for some reason but he went up from 2% to 1% im so proud of him (even though it's just because of me) also hoyofair is soon im super excited to see new childe art they always do him so good


9/26/25 i accidentally forgot about this rentry :sob: i was just thinking that i wish i could ramble about childe somewhere and remembered i have this. i've felt so so shitty these past few days, and irritable too so i havent been texting my friends much because i dont want to be a dick without meaning to. my life feels so hopeless #ngl but childe does help me a bit. i also forgot i have preordered my foul legacy figure until last night and it unironically made me reconider attempting. i really love childe so much, so often it feels like everyone hates me (probably just all in my head but it feels so genuine) but then i'll see a cute edit of childe on tiktok and it makes everything feel a little better in that moment. i really need to get back into drawing, i want to draw him with me. i dont care if it's corny, if he's the thing keeping me alive i should embrace it


10/19/25 still loving him more than anything dont kill me for not updating ok? ok. i know no one actually reads this but still. my mental health is so awful right now i forgot about this and a lot of other stuff. leaks are making durin look like he sucks so i might not pull for him, depends on how his kit is when the beta is out in a few days. he's my son, he's the chiscara child, i'll be sad to skip him if he isnt very good. but i also want to spend my wishes wisely this region since snezhnaya is next, and i still want to c6 childe. if durin will still be a good sub dps/support for childe (aka better than xiangling) then i'll pull him. if not then i'm skipping and maybe i'll try to get him on my eu account or something


10/29/25 the other day in the durin mains discord server i sent a picture of my 7k primogems and said "i'm cooked" and someone replied asking me if i'm f2p, i log into my account 10 minutes later AND I WAS GIFTED 100 DOLLARS WORTH OF PRIMOGEMS????? still thinking back on it makes it feel like a dream bro :sob: i cant believe that actually happened.. ive been so stressed about having enough primos for durin+his weapon, columbina+maybe her weapon, AND childe cons but now i feel way more comfortable.. it bumped me up from 49 wishes to about 107ish. im also trying to get myself back into drawing so i can start doing commissions, both for primogems and just because i was like holy shit that made me so happy. i want to make other people that happy and do giveaways and stuff. obviously not gonna drop $100 on someone but i'll gladly do welkin giveaways and stuff. durin soon can't wait.. gonna try to use him with childe, and i'll def use him with kinich varesa and clorinde. also, free c1 childe in like three days.......


11/4/25 oops i forgot to say i got my free c1 childe YAYAYY!!!!!! seeing his splash art again was so nostalgic i love that stupid boy so much!!!!!!! i'm going to aim for c3 when he reruns!!


11/9/25 the other day i had a dream where durin's banner was out and i was pulling for him but i got childe first four times. and i was like oh my god c5 childe!!! i won all my 50/50s!!! wait did i lose them? how did i get childe? i'm on durin's banner..!?!?!?


11/14/25 every time someone makes fun of me for how much i love childe i want to kill them and myself!! holyyy shit bro i'm aware i'm pathetic WHO CARESS. god forbid i adore the one character keeping me alive. i don't care if i'm corny for loving him i don't care if i'm corny for selfshipping with him let me have fun damn! would you rather i be dead or would you rather i be corny? the other day my friend said to me "i'm not gonna lie that's sad bro" when i said something about how much i like childe (i don't remember what) like ouhghhhhhhh.. yeah so sad... so sad nick feels so much joy from a character.. god at this point i'm just going to block people that are dicks about it because it makes me feel so sad when i'm insulted like that. you're aware my mental health is bad so why are you insulting the one thing you're aware makes me so happy? it's almost like i don't have any friends irl like you do! i don't get my happiness the same way as you! i'm lame i know leave me alone let me be happy
again i doubt anyone reads anything in this rentry and probably not this far down BUT if anyone does i'm sorry to rant in it this just drove me insane. i love childe so much he is my boyfriend i don't care


11/20/25 there's talk of childe getting a SP and i'm both hyped and super scared i love him so much i don't want anything bad to happen to him im' literally tearing up at the thought bro. i love him too much god please dont do that to him :sob: and if that happens i dont want his design to change a bunch and stuff like THIS IS THE CHARACTER I LOVE SO MUCH PLEASE DONT CHANGE EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM. and he's such a family guy i dont want him to get so caught up in fighting and stuff he loves his family and siblings so much please dont change that about him IM SO SCARED. i'm actually so scared i hate this, i've thought about him getting a SP before and it's really cool and i'd love for him to have a cool strong kit and stuff but ughhh. i already want to c6 current him and now i have to c6 the other, and i dont want to abandon normal childei love him too much :( i feel so upset and it's stupid i don't want anything bad to happen to him


11/28/25 i never cared to look for all the aranara before until now when i want as many primogems as possible for durin.. so today i found them all! thanks to the xiao main on youtube. at least i found them all before 2026? anyways i already have enough primogems for durin (if i count my genesis crystals (that i dont really want to spend) but i'm still in the farming mood for more. here's childe looking at the rewards of his hard work of running around sumeru talking to cute aranara


12/2/25 durin is today and im SO EXCITED!!!!! maintenance should be done in about two more hours. i'm so excited to pull for him i want my son right now. the wait during maintenance feels torturous but im still so excited. im gonna have childe and scara in my team when i pull for him so they can get their son. thank god im guaranteed i hope i win my 50/50 on the weapon banner too


12/5/25 yeahh i didnt win my 50/50 on the weapon banner. i still got durin and his weapon but it took literally all of my primogems and one paid ten pull. my luck is actually so bad man and it made me genuinely sad now. i keep pulling for these characters thinking "well my lucks been so bad, surely it'll be good now and i'll get an early? maybe a double five star? OR AT LEAST WIN MY 50/50??" nopee that isnt happening any time soon. im at the point where if i lose one more 50/50, my next loss after that will trigger capturing radiance. i already decided im not getting columbinas weapon so i guess i dont have to worry about that, but now i feel stressed wondering how i'll have enough for her and two childe constellations. AND sandrone if she comes out any time soon. at first i figured childe would just appear in the next liyue chronicle wish but now i wonder if he'll rerun normally since he should appear in 6.3 i think. not that he's leaked to rerun in that update, but what if he does in 6.4? i wont have enough pulls by then after columbina :(( i want good luck again i just feel jealous of everyone elses pulls. i want c3 childe soon. and then c6 next time hes back


12/22/25 i reshaped some of childes artifacts the other day and that manaed to boost him up from 900 something to EXACTLY 200 in the leaderboard :D i know he was already at 1% but i want to get him as high up on the leaderboard as i can. he's already gone to 205 though i guess it's pretty competitive when you're in the early hundreds. also i recently published the second chapter of my chiscara fic!! i'm having a good time writing it and i already want to start on chapter three. also i'm so excited for christmas and MORE CHILDE MERCHHHHHHHH


12/29/25 i wish that childe could magically appear in my bedroom and instead of giving me a hug or something he just kills me. i want that so bad

12/29/25 i don't think he'd want to kill me though he'd probably feel bad. i still wish he would though godd i want to die!! so bad!!!!!! my life is pathetic and useless and the only thing keeping me going is a pretty 2d/3d boy that wouldnt like me if he were real

12/29/25 i feel so terrible right now ive been crying a bunch i wish childe was real and he ciuld comfort me i wish he could give me a hug. ik he wouldnt care about me in the slightest but i wish i could be hugged by him he probably gives awesome hugs. i an so pathetic and useless i dont know what to do anymore i just want someone to hug me. i want childe to hug me and i want to hug him because he makes me so sad j want him to be happy


1/10/26 hapy late new year.. i realized i never showed the childe merch i got for christmas so i'll try to do that sometime soon. anyways i really like when childe is drawn so pathetic in fanart. he's like a sad little wet dog to me that you just want to pick up and take care of. i love him oh so much. also my friend recently commissioned an artist to draw me and childe together as a christmas present, that made me very very happy


1/28/26 i still havent shown the merch i'll do it later okkk? ok. i ordered that new fes 2026 childe plush and im so excited for him ill show him too when i get him. my foul legacy preorder got it's release date pushed back AGAIN to february i hope i actually get it that month. i wont complain too much because i was able to order it for $99 and i already see some people reselling him for $250.. jeez. i hate resellers so much


1/31/26 here's my childe related merch that i got for christmas..


the last one is a blanket, came w a pillow too :) sooo so happy about the first one i've been wanting him so long but he's from a cursed blindbox series. i bought one of them to test my luck and i got ganyu ughhh. so i just hoped and prayed someone would get him for me one day and i got him for christmas!! ALSO im trying to make an ita bag w my pins of him.. but it looks pretty stupid right now because i only have four (one of them being gigantic). but it's ok ill try to make it look better soon. dont wanna buy anything more now after i just bought the fes plush of him and ill have to pay for my foul legacy preorder whenever it ships


2/9/2026 little mini childe arrived a couple days ago i love him so much. does he count as a nui? what is a nui? i see people call their small plushes nuis but i don't know if there's anything more to them other than being small. either way he's adorable and tiny and i love him. i can take off his harbinger coat and he wears the fes 2026 outfit underneath it. he also comes with his sunglasses and his mask. but his mask is a pin and i'm scared to put it on him, i don't want to leave a visible hole in his head..

2/9/2026 on january 18th i managed to get my childe to number 63 on the leaderboard i actually couldn't believe it. as of now he's at number 70 but i'm still happy about it. i really want to get him to top 20 at LEAST. but it'll take a while, the builds there are really good i don't think i can top them anytime soon lol. he has 1.8k atk, 145 em, 99.5 cr & 180.6 cd. i've tried to swap him with pieces that give more cd and less cr but it drops his ranking down when i do

2/9/26 i feel terrihble i'm debating cutting contact with everyone so they'll forget about me i've been screenshotting old messages to remember after i do. childe wouldn't like that though. slash j he would not care about me or my problems. i found this pic while going through my old messages though
i don't think any of my friends look at this rentry but if you do i love you more than anything and i'm sorry i'm like this


2/10/26 i love that childe loves his family so much he's so based for that. i just know he loves his mama so much he just like me fr. i just wanted an excuse to say i love my mom tbh i love her soo much so grateful for her. i'm very lucky to have her i think any other mother would've given up on me already. i'm 21 but i feel sad when she leaves every day for work the same way i felt sad as a kid when i'd leave her for school


2/11/26 i think selfshipping is really fun and stuff until people take it too seriously. NO that fictional character is not your real partner bro. like trust me i love childe im gonna keep calling him my boyfriend and keep imagining corny scenarios with him but i don't believe he's my actual boyfriend. he's the only thing keeping me alive but im not going to be completely delusional about him. i think people like that are really annoying. maybe i'm not #woke enough.. but it feels like you have to walk on eggshells around them. childe tartaglia ajax i love you more than life itself you are my boyfriend but you also are NOT my boyfriend ykwim? yeah? yeah. he wouldnt like it if i was a delusional idiot like that

2/11/26 baby you live in my head rent free


2/14/26 happy valentines day my love you mean everything to me. i eat sleep and breathe for you you're my main motivation. ALSO i got so excited in the livestream yesterday because mondstadt chronicle wish was announced for 6.4. not excited because i'm going to pull on it LMAOO terrible banners.. but excited because that means they DIDNT forget about chronicle banners and liyue is next. childe soon. i'm so fucking excited. c3 soon.


2/19/26 ok i hate myself so much cause i did i think around 40-50 pulls on zibais banner just now to see if i'd get her. so i went from 25 pity to 65/75 idk which im at. so i'm close to a five star but i didnt even get illuga so it's not worth it to keep pulling and see if i do get her cause she needs him and i dont have him. im so mad cause i couldve just kept those pulls for childe. ik he's not rerunning anytime soon and i still have my genesis crystals but i feel genuinely upset. i'm trying to tell myself now i have a head start for my furina pulls but ughh man :( i shouldn't have pulled. what if i get really unlucky during childe's pulls and i needed those? it sucks the chronicle wish banner has a sperate pity to the normal banners. could've been a head start for him but nope


2/24/26 my foul legacy figure is on it's way now and im barely happy about it because everything sucks so much rigjth now it shcks it sucks it sucks it sucks it sucks it sucks i csnt do this shit snymore i cant. god i wish childe was realy he's the only thing in my life i can count on to never make me feel like shit and haye myself even more


2/27/26 i recently took my childe plush with me to the doctor. did you know i have arthritis? it sucks. i never really knew before this that you can get it while young, i assumed it was only a problem older people can have. anyways, my mom kept saying "baby's first day out" every time i took childe out of my bag to take a picture of him. i also took a picture of him inside taco bell after we left the doctor


2/28/26 labubu childe is real.. tartbubu.... chabubu...... i'll get him whenever he's listed by that person that i got my childe plush above from. i can't tell if he's a keychain type plush. if he is, he'll go on my ita bag. although i might keep him inside it if i go somewhere with a lot of people


3/2/26 i dont think childe would like me if he were real because he likes ambitious people with goals and i dont have any goals or ambitions. i ont think he would even glance at me. my only goal is to c6 childe but that probably wont even happen because i;ll kill myself before i get the chance to. but i have 208 pulls right now so i guess his c2 is guaranteed. im going to try to get him c3 when he reruns and then the next time he reruns again ill try to get him c6


3/8/26 i have to kill paimon

but im rereading childes story quest because i just found out you can do that????? so cool i love this feature. i wish i could play his story quest for the first time again that was when i truly realized yeah this guy is my favorite. i actually really liked zhongli at first (and childe. but mainly zhongli) and considered him my #1 favorite but it quickly changed to childe and stuck that way. zhongli was the first character i actually saved up for (i think i actually saved exactly 180 wishes back then). i remember being so excited for him i had my mom watch me pull him lol


3/16/26 got childe up to 1.5mil!!!!!! i hope for 2mil soon.. i put him on 2pc noblesse and 2pc gilded


3/19/26 i have 243 pulls saved up for childes rerun as of now.. hell yeah. i doubt ill get to use all of it for him though. especially cause sandrone sounds like she's coming out in 6.7, and i feel like childe will rerun around then. i dont plan to get her weapon though so i wont have to roll too much for her. but also, if citlali reruns before him i might test my luck to see if ill win my 50/50 for her. lemme count what pity im at on the banner real quick.. LMAO im at 67 pity exactly. ok so i'd get a five star in about the next 20 pulls that i do. so we'll see if i can get citlali that quickly, i do want to get her c2 one day and use her with childe. but i also just want her for my arlecchino.


3/25/26 i've reached 250 pulls.. also i went to the doctor yesterday and they did blood work to test for stuff. tests came back and we found out my vitamin d is severely deficient apparently it’s supposed to be over 50 but mine is level 5. wow i really am a loser huh? i've barely gone outside for years because of how lame and depressed i am lol. so that kinda sucks, apparently having low vitamin d levels can also make my arthritis worse so i'm gonna be prescribed something for that. i dont know why im bringing this up in my rentry to talk about childe but oh well. i'm gonna pretend im telling him about this and not the two people that will read this


3/30/26 MY FOUL LEGACY FIGURE ARRIVED!!!!!!! HE WAS SO HARD TO POSE I WAS SO SCARED I'D BREAK HIM. but i'm SO happy to have him oh my god he's so fucking cooli love him so much. i dont think im going to change his pose for a while though lmfao he was genuinely so stressful to handle. i love him so much my prized possession. never getting another action figure again though


4/2/26 oh yeah. so a few entries ago i was excited about the mondstadt chronicle wish banner because i thought that meant we'd get liyues next and childe would rerun soon. no we got FONTAINE ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING MEE. ughhhh im so mad. i guess it's more time to save but bro come on i was so excited. im nervous the order of those banners will be all weird now. surely it'll be liyue next right? natlan is way too soon. i really hope liyue is next. i have 277 pulls right now for childe


4/10/26

i'm erect
the artist is uvexlishen_ on tiktok btw. i jut love that art so much i had to show it here. i really love when childes drawn with glasses i think he looks so so cute i want to headcanon he has kinda bad vision but he thinks it's normal so he hasnt ever said anything about it. until scaramouche is like "how can you not see this??" when he's showing him a report or something and they discover together childe is in serious need of glasses or contacts


4/13/26 i reached 300 wishes for childe last night. technically they're also for sandrone, but i'm at 67 pity so i'll get a five star quickly. so hopefully i will either win my 50/50 or get an early after losing and not spend too much on her. i don't plan to get her weapon either, unless magically childe reruns before she releases and i somehow have enough pulls left over after getting her. otherwise i'd go for hers on her next rerun (maybe). i was originally saving up for both childe and furina cons, but right now idk if im gonna get hers or not. i really want her c4 so i can run her on her sig without worrying about her energy. but i also want to get scaras weapon whenever he's back AND columbinas soo.. who knows what'll happen. no matter what i'm getting that c3 childe though. oh yeah, also lohens weapon. hope that'll go well.


4/15/26 i wish childe was real and he would kill me. also it feels so funny to update this with vents because it's like 𝓁𝒶𝓈𝓉 𝓊𝓅𝒹𝒶𝓉𝑒 𝟦/𝟣𝟧/𝟤𝟨: i want to fucking kill myself i hate ym fucking life. but for reals i want to kill myself i wish i could be killed by him that would be a dream come true. only one of my friends would miss me and i only feel bad for him when i think about killing myself. maybe also another. they wont ever see this i know they wont theyre not chronically online enough to care about rentrys but thank you A and B for caring about me im not saying your full names. i hope when i do kill myself you two will move on fast cause i dont want to make you sad and mourn me. umm uh something something childe this is a childe rentry not vent rentry ummmmm. he's so handsome and i love him so much and i'm almost done with my chiscara fic chapter after i promised to post it like four months ago oops


4/17/26 god im pathetic man it reallt sucks i really wish i was never born. i wish my mom aborted me i dont know why she didnt she shouldve. it feels so embarrassing to be so dependent on a fictional character as an adult. and not just an 18 year old no im in my 20s (21) and im like this. im constantly imagining childe with me holding me, talking to me, and loving me just to make me feel better. i love him so much its not funny. i hate beijg made fun of for how much i like him or for selfshipping with him hes all thats keeping me together and i mean thay from the bottom of my heart. i have 322 pulls saved up so far. but ill lose some when i get lohens weapon. as much as i like lohen i kinda hope i stop liking him so much, so i care less about getting his weapon and have more for childe. i dont know. im scared my pulls will go bad and i cant even get one constellation for childe when the time comes because i used too much for that weapon and sandrone if she comes before his rerun. i think id cry


4/21/26 childe is so perfect and amazing in every single aspect ever. if he was real i could live one million lifetimes and never be worthy of even breathing the same air as him. i love him so much that it somehow makes me sad. i think it just makes me sad because he's not real and that love can never be reciprocated. it feels weird when i actually think about it, that the thing i feel so much genuine love for isnt real and never will be im pathetic and disgusting im a waste of air i cant be a normal adult i have to depend on fiction like im still 15 years old. no wonder no one likes talking to me. no wonder i watch people reply to my friends but then never me. no one likes me i know it i really do i know it. i wish he was real and could like me but not even he would like me. and that makes me so sad that im tearing up while im typing this im so fucking stupid and pathtic i hope i die soon i really fucking do. im gonna look up different methods to attempt until fall asleep. or ill fantasize about being loved and held by childe but i just keep telling myself he wouldnt like me and he'd hate me so it feels hard to fantasize about that right now. which sucks that's supposed to be the one thing stupid ass lame selfshippers can do is be delusional about their character. but i cante ven do that because i hate myself so much. i love him so much man i wish hed love me


4/22/26 sometimes i like to imagine childe as sad and depressed as i am and it makes me feel better. i dont know why. i usually just do that with scaramouche since im actually similar to him but now i do it with childe too. even though we're not similar at all. i dont know. he's a sad sad boy im sure sometimes hes had bad thoughts about himself too. sometimes i imagine him also being suicidal because i am but i hope hes never felt like that in canon. i dont want him to feel like that. i feel like im not allowed to talk about wanting to kill myself on here but idk i hope it's ok. im the only one reading it anyways so oh well. i kinda want to get his cons and then just end it so ive been pushing lohens weapon out of my head the past few days. but when his banner comes im sure ill cave and try for his weapon. snezhnaya preview thing in two days too. i guess it would suck to kill myself before snezhnaya actually releases but i feel like i wont make it through this summer. everything hurts so much right now. my mom said i look sickly. but i really want to see what more the game has for childe in the story so ill try to keep going only for him. idk how long i can do it though


4/26/26 i've been enjoying tomodachi life lately

my chiscara miis got married and now my arlebina miis are dating. arle already wants to marry her lol. also this game stressed me out so much for no reason, childe and scara weren't getting along and i was so scared they were gonna divorce. i know they can literally date and marry again later if they do but aughh i dont want it to happen they made the scene so depressing for no reason. but at the same time i think it would also be a little funny and fitting. i imagine in a modern au they'd break up on and get back together a lot. although idk about divorcing after marrying. i dont think theyd do that.


4/30/26 i have 344 wishes saved up so far. plus tomorrow i'll get five from the shop reset & some more from the theater, so i'll have 350+ tomorrow. i really can't wait for him to rerun i hope he'll rerun in 6.6. or at least in 6.7, don't make me wait until snezhnaya's already out to get his constellations. i really want to have some primos ready for snezhnaya, i imagine i'm going to like the majority of the characters.


5/5/26 i have 375 wishes saved now. i bought another welkin and the $15 bundle, which was the only one (apart from the 0.99 one) that i didnt get the bonus for yet. so im pretty stacked right now, i have 20k genesis crystals. i've decided that i'm going to try for durins c1 just because i really want his c2 so i can buff childe. i might cave to try for his c2 as well, but i was thinking maybe i could get that on his second rerun. idk we'll have to see. i think the livestream is maybe this week? if not then definitely next week. i'm hoping to see liyues chronicle wish announced for 6.6 as well. it'd probably be better if it wasnt, give me some time to save after getting durins con, but i really cant wait anymore. i really want to get childe c3 already. i love him so much. i've been having a terrible time the past few weeks and it doesn't feel like it's getting better any time soon. my mental health has been awful, and on top of that i've been in so much physical pain too. i've never wanted to end my life to escape physical pain before, only mental, but last night it hurt so bad i started wishing to die just to escape it. i even cried to my mom about how bad it hurt at the big age of 21 (lol, it's okay to cry at any age, i just want to make fun of myself). but yeah, we have to figure out what to do with my meds, if i should keep taking them or not. waiting for my doctor to call back and give me an update on what to do. every day i really wish i could be hugged by childe but i especially do today


5/9/26 there were leaks recently saying that childe will get a SP again. i still don't believe it'll happen, but i'm also starting to doubt it less. since they said they plan to continue this game for 1-2 more decades, i think SP's getting added could be realistic. especially when a lot of older characters are so so strong in lore but not in their kits due to age (mainly talking about childe and kaeya). honestly i got really upset at these leaks, like emotional upset lol. i'm scared of how it would be handled if that did happen to childe. i can think of so many negatives.. his design change could be bad (PLEASE don't give him long hair.. i usually hate long hair on guys), and i adore his current design so much, i dont want it to change majorly. im also scared of the lore reasons for his SP, is something bad going to happen to him. will he be majorly injured. somehow reborn? that sounds cool for any other character but i cant stand something so painful happening to him. i want him to stay an ordinary boy that happens to be so incredibly strong. i think that's a major part of his appeal, he's just a boy that loves his family and has gotten himself wrapped up in all this fatui work because he became so ambitious. i'd also hate to see his ordinary self abandoned by hoyo, like replacing his birthday arts with his new design, abandoning his og design in merch, etc. i'd also be sad to barely use his og self anymore in gameplay.. because obviously his new one would be way stronger. i really just want him to get a skin and buffs. but if he does get a sp i'll of course pull, but the idea of farming to get another version of him to top 1% is already exhausting me lol


5/16/26 childe.. i dont think i can keep doing this much longer. every day hurts so much. i really dont think i was supposed to make it this far. i dont think i was supposed to even be born, but there was some flaw in the system that accidentally let me into this world. i just dont know what to do anymore. im so behind everyone else, so behind that teenagers are further than me in the progress of their lives. what do i do anymore? im such a waste of space and air. i feel like im invading my friends lives every time i interact with them. i feel like i need to disappear. i love you so much i wish you were real. i could never love someone as much as i love you (except my mom..) i know god isnt real so alternate realities probably arent either. bht if they are i hope we're together in all the others. maybe im just unlucky in this one. im trying to hold on to you to keep going but its so hard because no one else but me could possibly understand whag that feels like

5/16/26 i really wish you were real and could kill me. if i cant kill myself then i want someone else to do it to me. mainly just you. i wish you were real childe


5/20/26 you are all i need i think i hate everyone else i really think idont need anyone else anymore except you and my mom. everyone else disappoints me anyways. and i disappoint them too, im always the problem and im saying that genuinely, not just to make myself feel worse. everyone would be better off without me and i think i would also be better off without them. i think i can survive fine with just you and my mom. and if anything goes bad i can always kill myself. i will kill myself but not yet i want to see what you'll do in snezhnaya


6/1/26 i ended up getting nicole on my account along with c2 durin. but i didnt plan to get nicole. i just kinda kept pulling to see if i'd get her early, lost track of how many i did and i guess i instinctively stop around 65-70 when i lose count like that. cause last time i stopped at 67 and this time i stopped at 68. so yeah i decided to not get her and save that high pity for sandrone but then later i had a really shitty day and while showering i decided when i get out im gonna pull and get her as a treat to myself. so once i got out i pulled on my phone instead of on my pc that i always play on and luckily i won my 50/50 at 78 pity. but i have a new teammate for childe! right now his team is him, durin, nicole, and sucrose. i want to get c2 citlali one day for him. i think she's in the next update in the second phase after sandrone.. i dont know if i'll get her. depends when childe will rerun. im still guaranteed sandrone btw, i have around 190 pulls saved. which isnt including the 20k genesis crystals that are saved for childe specifically

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Pub: 15 Jun 2023 19:41 UTC

Edit: 01 Jun 2026 07:55 UTC

Views: 270