Drowning

Sunny wasn't exactly sure what had woken him up. He was a rather sound sleeper, and the night was deathly quiet. Maybe some part of him sensed that something had changed, that something was different. He turned his head to look over at the bed across from his. Empty. Aubrey was gone.

He took in this fact with grim, dull acceptance. Of course she was gone. Why wouldn't she be? He was surprised she had bothered to spend the day with him. Hell, he was surprised she could even stand to be around him after what he had told her. Who would want to sleep in the same room with a murderer?

This was for the best, Sunny thought. If she had stayed any longer, he might not have been able to handle her leaving. It was for the best, and he was used to it anyway. He had been alone for two whole years already, what was two more? Five more? Ten more? The rest of his life? He deserved it. Deserved it for killing her.

Sunny was surprised to feel the tears running down his face; he hadn't even realized he had begun crying, and he found himself disgusted at his weakness. He wasn't supposed to feel bad. He wasn't supposed to feel anything. He knew she was going to leave. Sure, she'd promised to stay with him, but it's not like he deserved honesty. He didn't deserve anything. He killed her. He killed Mari. He killed his sister. He--

The sob felt like it had forced its way out of him, a harsh and ugly noise that jolted his body. He shouldn't be feeling, he thought as tears stained his pillow. He shouldn't be crying, he thought as his body trembled uncontrollably. He was a killer. He didn't deserve to be sad. He killed her. She was gone. He killed her. Why couldn't he stop crying?

The door opened, and she was there. Aubrey had come back. The moonlight from the window illuminated her face, an expression of pure concern. One second she was in the doorway, the next she was sitting on his bed, her hand on his shoulder.

She didn't say anything, just held his hand and squeezed. Sunny squeezed back, hard enough that he was sure that it hurt, but she still didn't say anything. His body was still shaking, tears still falling.

"I'm sorry," she said, looking into his eyes. In the pale glow of the moon and through the haze of his tears, she almost looked like--

Another sob. He shook his head. "I killed her." It was all he could manage to say. Aubrey just held his hand tighter. It was shaking, and he couldn't tell if that was because of her or him.

"I just-- I went to my house to get something, I had no idea you..." She trailed off. That he what? Would have a mental breakdown while she was gone? God, he was so pathetic. He couldn't stop crying no matter how much he willed himself to.

Aubrey got into the bed with Sunny and embraced him. Sunny cried into her shoulder, staining her sleeve with his tears. He didn't know how long it took, but she held him until he stopped trembling. He was still crying, but at least he had stopped shaking.

"Why do you care about me?" His throat was so raw from sobbing that speaking almost hurt. His voice was barely above a whisper.

She didn't answer for so long that Sunny wondered if she hadn't heard him. Or maybe she had just ignored him. Or maybe she really didn't care about him at all and just didn't want to say. Or--

"When Ma--" Her voice trembled and broke. She started over. "When she... d-died, I was totally alone. I just needed someone, anyone to turn to, but it felt like everyone had abandoned me. I was miserable..." She hiccuped and sniffed. Sunny felt her crying into his sleeve. "I couldn't just-- I can't just leave you alone like I was. I can't."

"I killed her." It was a statement, a matter of fact, and the meaning of it wasn't lost on either of them. She shouldn't care about him, she should hate him. He didn't deserve this. He should be alone.

For the first time in at least an hour, Aubrey let go of Sunny. She looked right into his eyes, and even through her tears the intensity was plain on her face. "Sunny, I promised you that I wouldn't leave you, okay?" Her voice wavered. "I'm not. I... I promise. I promise I won't ever leave you alone."

Sunny shook his head. "I--"

She embraced him again before he could finish. "It's okay. I'm not going to leave you." He couldn't understand. She should hate him.

"I'm sorry."

Aubrey just held him tighter. If he closed his eyes, he could almost imagine Mari hugging him after he had a nightmare.

It was selfish. He deserved to be alone, he knew he did, but the thought of Aubrey leaving him made him sick to his stomach. It was selfish, but he just needed someone here with him. It was selfish... but he wanted to be selfish just a little longer

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Pub: 20 Mar 2022 06:03 UTC
Edit: 20 Mar 2022 15:35 UTC
Views: 330