- vill or helvetica! she/he
butch lesbian ‎ tgirl swag
disordered & ill
Hello this is my dumb blog thing 👋👋


28/10/25 - Social Media
On all the other social media sites I'm on like Pinterest, Tumblr & Youtube I'm just a lurker??? For lack for better word... Like all I do is scroll & like posts & follow/subscribe to people I like seeing content from. I don't put my accounts on those things out to people because I don't want to be found It's like my secret little corner of the internet. I don't post anything (including comments) because Once I do it's made me feel worse! Like the pressure of getting popular & having to avoid flopping & falling off & possibly getting hate comments is suddenly there. The pressure of having new relationships to maintain is suddenly there. It's so peaceful without that Like I can just look at stuff I like all day

Content creation on social platforms just Isn't for me. I like Social Media without the Social part. I tried to change my mind about that when I first started using Neospring then Tetratto just because those sites are way smaller than stuff like Pinterest. It was refreshing to get attention & See stuff I've made like Rentrys & Art & stuff being liked by people. But I also started to feel those pressures I talked about in the 1st paragraph. What I've learnt from it is that I should've, so I Have infact started to learn to how to take criticism & Differentiate criticism from straight up insults though... I think that's a very good skill to have, especially because I plan on being a creator. Not a content creator like a Youtuber or famous Instagram model or something. But yeah. I might aswell stick to being an internet hermit.


28/10/25 - Lifeless
I have symptoms of bipolar disorder & I've been researching it a lot recently. My family knows I do & Might look towards getting me diagnosed. Type 1 describes what I've felt quite well. I feel more like I have more manic & even hypomanic episodes rather than depressive, But I've been in depressed episodes nonetheless. They always feel like being hit with a ton of bricks! Because I'm so used to feeling like I'm losing my mind & Going crazy all of the time. Mania is Open 24/7, We Never Close! ... I feel like this disorder impacts me in a way that. Well. I feel like the life is always being sucked out of me. Depressive does it in a much more noticeable way though, Which is What I wanna Talk about now that I think about it.
Have you ever been depressed? Because if you haven't, You wouldn't really know how much it feels like You're just ... lifeless. You can't do the things you love anymore, The feelings of sorrow take away all you've ever loved. Depression does that.

  • You feel like your favourite song doesn't hit like it used to.
  • Your favourite show isn't as interesting, It's just background noise now.
  • Your favourite food doesn't taste as good anymore.
  • You don't have motivation to do the things you love anymore.
    Even... You as a person doesn't feel as ... great ... as they used to be. You can't take care of yourself anymore. That's one of the most diminishing side effects of depression. You just become. Nothing. I don't know how else to describe it. I've been recovering for a while now, I think the sign I wanted to recover is when I felt like Nothing. But I wanted to be something again. So I've almost gotten myself out of that hole now. It feels so lovely to be Something again... It feels so lovely to not feel lifeless anymore.

28/10/25 - Songs of The Week

  • Fight by Pain
  • Skatanic by Reel Big Fish
  • Ska Robot Army by The Aquabats!
  • She's Gonna Live Forever by The Aquabats!
  • Diving Board by They Might Be Giants
  • Busy Sending Me by Self
    Songs I've been really enjoying recently. I might play them for my dad when we jam together this weekend. I haven't visited him in damn ages because I've been nervous to see him in person, even though I really miss him. I love him. I feel guilty for loving him because My mother never liked him. Like. Really didn't like him. To the point I can't even say I have divorced parents, because they never married to begin with therefore they can't have a divorce. I've never seem them love eachother. I think they definetly did before I was born.
    Anyways. This also reminds me I should really make a new main playlist, My current main playlist has a lot of songs & artists I don't really dig anymore.

29/10/25 - Karma
I have some sort of... Mentality. I protect myself from harm at all costs. At ALL COSTS. I went to group therapy today & went home early. I've decided not to go to group therapy anymore just because of this one guy who keeps pissing me off really badly. (I also left early because I had one of those headaches where it feels like your head is being cut open) This one guy kept hitting me & kicking me then when I said stuff like "OWWW!!! Stop doing that!!!" They say "I didn't do anything lol" Then I told one of the adults there & Still that guy was giving me crap LIKE GO AWAY BITCH!!!!! So I decide to throw a rock in their direction before I left. I'm too impatient for karma to hit them so I needed to, If you hurt me I will hurt back! ... I kind of sound like those "heh.... dont mess with me....." type guys. The guys I used to roleplay as. But it's true. Karma has to be same-day delivery for me. I just WON'T be taking anymore shit goddamnit!!! I've been constantly bullied & abused my entire life so It's about time people knew how that felt.


30/10/25 - My Dreams
I just woke up from a TERRIBLY long nap. I had to sleep for a very long time because I am (chronic pain) flaring like heeeellllll!!!!! & There's no Advil!!!!!!! Huuufff luckily I feel a bit better at the moment. It's raining right now. I had to skip speech pathology & social work today. Sad because I like speech pathology I get to play board games all day. Happy because I hate social work. I'm not that social who cares!!!!! Anyways God I sounded so so mean yesterday. Like okayyyyy dont mess with him thats bad mood brian. Say, I have been remembering the dreams a lot more recently. I feel like I just had 4 dreams in one sitting today.

THE FIRST ONE I REMEMBERED WAS ARGUABLY THE BEST ONE. I was dreaming I was on holiday... Hah. Soon not in my dreams!!! I'm going with my Dad to the Gold Coast next year. Only bad thing about it is that GRANDMA IS COMING. Okay fine I can tolerate her. Barely. Besides she probably wont be cooking any of her god awful "meals" her disgusting "dinner" her stupid "supper" Since we'll just be eating from The Finest fish & chip shops, Sushi places (I HEARD THERES A LOT OF THEM THERE! I looooove sushi), Carnival food + If we're staying at a fancy hotel like Dad said We will probably just eat from a buffet or hotel room service or something. Ahhhh I'm going off topic. I was talking about my dream...

I was on holiday in a tropical rainforest & I went to this sauna/shower thing? IT WAS SOOO LOVELY It was all wooden?? Which is kinda weirddd because wood would just rot if exposed to a lot of water right??? But it was so much fun exploring all the little buttons the thing could do & There was a bunch of like. Light settings... Best parts of all were the BOWLS OF CANDY THERE! & MUSIC I GOT TO PICK OUT MUSIC... I stayed in there for an HOUR! I only got out when my pet dragon which I had told me to get outtt.... Ahh that was so fun. I wish it was real.


13/11/25
Ahhhhh Hi hi I cant sleep right now its 7 AM and idgaf about getting sleep OR making this all formaly ad well sort out because I'm going crazy!!!! I NEED TO NERD OUT OKAY Okay do you ever just have a hyperfixation then it goes away for a really long time but THEN it get awakened again suddenly likeI was just thinking to myself trying to sleep & I suddenly remembered that the cartoon the webseries the show EDDSWORLD exists hooolly shit I miss Eddsworld I used to be sooo obssessed when I was like 10 years old up to when I was 13 or 14 I'm 16 now and I just started thinking about it again bruhhhhhhh. I didnt interact with the. Eddsworld fandom much online because it was full of Tomtord stuff & I used to DESPISE IT I SEETHINGLY HATED TOMTORD WITH A PASSION BRUH 😭😭😭😭 Now I'm pretty indifferent Like okay i dont care Atleast they're adults and stuff. Doesnt deserve the hype though. I dont ship them romantically but I do think their relationship dynamic is interesting 🤔🤔 They went from just petty rivals to actual enemies I like that dynamic... like before Tord left halfway through the classic era Him & Tom didnt talk much but when they did they just picked on eachother for the LOLs I guess but thwn in the Legacy era when Tord came back they became actual enemies & likeeee Tom destroyed Tord's giant robot and stuff. One thing I hate about Eddsworld Legacy Era is TORDS ACCENT??? 😐 Dude. Canonically he's Norweigan so why does he sound really Slavic all of sudden. Idkkkk it just really bugs me because there's a difference between scandinavian accents and slavic ones sure they are Kindaaaaa similar??? Whatever But at the same time yeah Classic Tord didn't talk much he's an introvert BUT HE DID SPEAK! He didnt really have a strong accent originally

... I dont even like Tord anyways my favourite character is Matt I LOVE MATT!!!!! I <3 M@!!!! (I heavily relate to Matt. He's so Me) (Matt kinnie's favourite Eddsworld character is Matt? Fork found in the kitchen) ... I also really like Tom & Edd is funny too Fuuuuuuck I love them all dude. Tom used to be my #1 for a really long time though He's so badass. I'm very passionate about my fantheory regarding his eyes 👀👀 Mainly because I love Tom angst my Tom angst fanfics I used to write go hard just because My favourite flavour of Angst is nonhuman angst..... 🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤Okay. My afformentioned fantheory about Tom's eyes, His parents & Him being possessed ... time to Nerd Out again. parts of this will sound really strange if you've Never watched Eddsworld

Tom is a demon raised by possessed inanimate objects!!!!

  • He was originally brought up by his Bowling ball Mother & Watermelon father before they got a divorce while Tom was younger & Bowling ball found love in a Pineapple; The Pineapple dad in Fun Dead is Tom's stepfather!!! I mean When I had a stepdather I called him Dad sometimes so that'd clear up the confusion between who Tom's dad is & the fact Tom called the Pineapple his FATHER!!!!! I WILL AVENGE YOOOUUUU!!!!!
  • The REASON he was raised by inanimate objects is because they are possessed by demons which is how they can communicate with Tom & Parent him & stuff 🙂🙂 They just kidnapped a baby one day & Put a demon's soul in it then named it Thomas. Due to that being at a very early age, (bodily) Tom is part demon too... He can shapeshift!!! He can't fully hide his demon-ness though Which is why he has black eyes
  • So, are his empty sockets or just black eyes? Both! He shapeshifts between both of that. Humans can't see Tom's parents when they're possessing obejcts. Human outsiders like Tom's Friends it just seems like he's an orphan who hallucinated objects into his parents or something, which is why sometimes Tom has empty socket eyes to mimic his Bowling ball Mother. Other times he doesn't because the people around him aren't thinking about his weird inanimate parents, Which is why in some scenes he has white eyes when he's scared or that one scene in Zanta Claws where he had normal eyes
  • Tom showed his true form as a demon in PowerEdd (ONE OF MY FAVE LEGACY EPISODES BTW)!!! He tried to pretend it wasn't him though to keep his secret safe from Edd & Matt.... Why did he say "OH NO!!! AHHHH!!!!" before transforming into the monster? Either:
    • A) As a decoy. He wanted to give Edd some fun while Edd had superpowers by giving him a challenge (a big demon to fight), so he pretended that, like, A mad scientist gave him a potion in that back alley which would turn him into a demon, Making it seem like his demon form was temporary so if outsiders ever found out Tom was The Monster, they knew He wouldn't be the monster ever again. Him saying "OH NO!!!" was Acting.
    • B) The impact of him falling from the sky onto the ground SCARED HIM & It triggered some extreme fight-or-flight mode situation which caused him to transform! Him saying "OH NO!!!" was Real.

Okay bye I nerded out too hard so I need to watch a few eddsworld episodes then get some SLEEP. i have Appointments to attend tommorrow.

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Pub: 15 Feb 2022 20:12 UTC

Edit: 12 Nov 2025 21:03 UTC

Views: 4701